KatDN Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 I have a crush on my 19 years old younger brother. I am 24. I work as a waitress in a cafeteria. Almost three weeks ago I invited my brother, my boyfriend, my best friend (female) and a couple (friends) to the cafeteria I was working. A group of guys started catcalling me. My boyfriend and my friends didn’t do anything. But my brother intervened and began to threaten him. “I am gonna beat you up if you don’t shut your mouth and apologize to her etc.” After several minutes of “boyish” trash talk between them, the guys finally apologized to me. I was like (wow, that’s what a real man should do to protect a girl). I was mad with my boyfriend for not doing anything so we argued the day after that incident. I decided to keep a distance from him. But since then I can’t get my brother out of my mind. I am not sexually thinking of him or at least try not to. But i want to get his attention. I am hugging him and caressing his hair very often. 2 weeks ago i found him lying on his back and decided to give him a massage (haven't done it for like 6 years). I am preparing breakfast for him etc. Some days ago i lied to him (told him i need him to teach me Office, Access) so i could sit on his laps for a bit. At work i am thinking of him very often. At home i am spending my time in his bedroom more often than previously. But recently i said to myself: Just what are you trying to do? What exactly do you expect him to do? Are you out of your mind? So i decided to keep a distance from him. I tried my best but i ... failed from day 1. While going to the living room we"ve met in the hall. I tried not to do any face expression but he touched me in the stomach and told me smiling: - You good sis? That was it. My heart started beating so fast i couldn't help myself. I smiled and kept talking with him about different things. I know that feeling isn't normal and there is no way that i am gonna try to do something incesteous with him. But how can i get rid of this feeling? I realized since it's not getting better i should do something before its too late. But what? Talk to him? (I an afraid that it's going to affect him) Leaving home for some days/weeks? (Will it really help?) Seek a new boyfriend? Psychotherapy? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 You need to let your brain be back in control. When you start thinking about your brother you say to yourself: he's my brother. Incest is wrong. I should not think like this. I think part of it is that your brother stuck up for you while your BF did not. You want a Knight in Shining Armor, which is not your BF but you don't really want to shag your own brother. You just wish your BF was more gallant. So perhaps get a new BF too. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
c1nderella Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 Oh wow that’s a tough situation. I kind of understand you unfortunately. My weird thing started when I caught my brother watching porn in the basement. After that I couldn’t see him the same way. I realized at the moment that he wasnt a kid anymore he was growing up and was already curious. Then when he started dating this girl from church my mom said my stepdad told her he heard him in the shower with a girl. One time I was downstairs in the living room watching a soccer game and I overheard him talk to his friend about fingering some girl ... I felt so uncomfortable because the way he was talking about the girl it sounded just like how am ex of mine would say it. I somehow started seeing my ex in him. My brother was going through a lot of crazy ness around that time with marijuana and not doing good at school and rebelling so we weren’t having the best relationship. I started seeing him as a stranger instead of a brother at that point. And at times if I’m thinking about sex or anything about other guys my brothers face would pop up in my head. I felt very gross. I would never do anything of that nature with my bro. I mean he’s my brother!! When we tried to fix our relationship as siblings it felt nice for that moment i really wanted to be close to my brother as we used to before he started wilding out. I am now living in another state and I Havnt been home to visit in 6 months. But those thoughts went away. I reach out to my bro once in a while to check up on him because we found out he gastritis and he’s not eating much just very depressed. What I can maybe suggest to you is maybe distancing yourself from your bro as in not be living under the same roof. I think we somehow start seeing other people in them that may trigger some fake feelings. I mean they say us girls look for a guy that reminds us of our dads somehow lol it’s that kinda weird thing. Hope I helped. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 Oh brother . Sorry couldn't resist. But believe me if you don't shake this shyt and get it outa your head and something happens, take it from me in 20 or 30yrs time you'll be sick to your stomach . l look at my sister now and just thank the Gods , nothing happened . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author KatDN Posted February 2, 2019 Author Share Posted February 2, 2019 You need to let your brain be back in control. When you start thinking about your brother you say to yourself: he's my brother. Incest is wrong. I should not think like this. I think part of it is that your brother stuck up for you while your BF did not. You want a Knight in Shining Armor, which is not your BF but you don't really want to shag your own brother. You just wish your BF was more gallant. So perhaps get a new BF too. That's what i am telling myself all the time. "He's my brother incest is wrong, he's my brother incest is wrong, he's my brother incest is wrong." And the truth is i didn't actually broke up with my boyfriend yet. I just told him i need time to think. But still, better be a cheater than ... that ... Oh wow that’s a tough situation. I kind of understand you unfortunately. My weird thing started when I caught my brother watching porn in the basement. After that I couldn’t see him the same way. I realized at the moment that he wasnt a kid anymore he was growing up and was already curious. Then when he started dating this girl from church my mom said my stepdad told her he heard him in the shower with a girl. One time I was downstairs in the living room watching a soccer game and I overheard him talk to his friend about fingering some girl ... I felt so uncomfortable because the way he was talking about the girl it sounded just like how am ex of mine would say it. I somehow started seeing my ex in him. My brother was going through a lot of crazy ness around that time with marijuana and not doing good at school and rebelling so we weren’t having the best relationship. I started seeing him as a stranger instead of a brother at that point. And at times if I’m thinking about sex or anything about other guys my brothers face would pop up in my head. I felt very gross. I would never do anything of that nature with my bro. I mean he’s my brother!! When we tried to fix our relationship as siblings it felt nice for that moment i really wanted to be close to my brother as we used to before he started wilding out. I am now living in another state and I Havnt been home to visit in 6 months. But those thoughts went away. I reach out to my bro once in a while to check up on him because we found out he gastritis and he’s not eating much just very depressed. What I can maybe suggest to you is maybe distancing yourself from your bro as in not be living under the same roof. I think we somehow start seeing other people in them that may trigger some fake feelings. I mean they say us girls look for a guy that reminds us of our dads somehow lol it’s that kinda weird thing. Hope I helped. So you 're suggesting that i have to move out huh? That may be the best for both of us because those thoughts keep coming and coming all the time, especially when i am near him. I even remembered the time i walked into him 2,5 years ago in the bathroom while he was shaving his face after a shower. Luckily, he wasn't full naked. That incident had no affect on our relationship back then but ... right now i can't stop thinking of that chest and those abs. Damn i am sick ... Thank you for your advices, i think i am gonna rent an apartment close to the cafeteria i work and even try to get a new boyfriend. A knight in shining armor this time i guess :/ Oh brother . Sorry couldn't resist. But believe me if you don't shake this shyt and get it outa your head and something happens, take it from me in 20 or 30yrs time you'll be sick to your stomach . l look at my sister now and just thank the Gods , nothing happened . Truth is i already have stomachaches, lack of appetite (lost 5kg) and i am waking up at nights the last week. I am also crying sometimes for an unknown reason. I've read that those are the symptoms for depression. Thank you all for your replies. I am too embarrassed to speak with my best friend about my problem. I am glad i could share it with someone, i feel a bit relieved. Tomorrow i am going to speak with my parents about moving out into a new apartment. Not sure about the excuse I'll use but ... I am just hoping that we could afford it. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 Tomorrow i am going to speak with my parents about moving out into a new apartment. Not sure about the excuse I'll use but ... I am just hoping that we could afford it. You are 24. If you want to move out, move out but it's your responsibility to afford your new apartment. It is not incumbent on your parents to provide that for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KatDN Posted February 4, 2019 Author Share Posted February 4, 2019 Hello again. I talked to my parents yesterday about moving out and rent a new apartment. They kept bombing me with questions like: why? where?, when? etc. Of course i didn't told them the truth. My mother began the typical "motherish" talk: "You don't even know how to cook properly, What are you going to eat? You don't earn enough money. You won't have free time. You need a lot of furniture, a refrigerator, a washing machine, an oven" And things like that. I told them i need my space, independence etc. I think they bought it. They even asked me if i am moving in with my boyfriend. I froze for a few seconds, didn't wanna tell them about the incident. I just said "Not yet". My father was afraid of leaving me completely alone in a house and he even suggested that my brother should come and stay with me so he could help me. I was like: (OH MY GOD, the situation may become even worse than i imagined) But luckily for me my mother didn't wanna leave her "little" boy go too. I don't even want to imagine me and him living alone in the same apartment ... Anyway i think i convinced them. We will start searching for an apartment this week. I hope we'll find one soon. Btw I still have those feelings. I didn't saw him yesterday as he was out with his friends playing football. I am waiting for him right now, i want to see his smile, i want to hug him, to talk to him. Damn ... I am so sick ... You need to seek psychiatric help immediately. I know. Even though it's too expensive ... You are 24. If you want to move out, move out but it's your responsibility to afford your new apartment. It is not incumbent on your parents to provide that for you. That's not easy, especially in my country ... Link to post Share on other sites
Cersei Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 This is not Game of Thrones. It's not okay. Please seek professional help. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 Please seek help. My brothers were drop dead gorgeous (so I've been told) and extremely protective of me but I have never once had a crush on one or looked at them other than my brothers. Maybe if you don't get over this in the next week or 2 you need to talk to someone professional. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author KatDN Posted February 4, 2019 Author Share Posted February 4, 2019 (edited) Did you ever loved someone that was forbidden to? Did you ever had anorexia, insomnia, anxiety? And for some reason when that person is near you, you feel safe and all those symptoms suddenly disappear? Yes, it was my fault because i couldn't control my emotions in the first place. And now i am inside in this vicious circle. I feel safe with him but at the same time i need to stay away from him. So i have only 2 options: Move out and seek professional help. Keep living in the same house with him and be afraid of myself. I just hope that won't happen to you or anyone else Please seek help. My brothers were drop dead gorgeous (so I've been told) and extremely protective of me but I have never once had a crush on one or looked at them other than my brothers. Maybe if you don't get over this in the next week or 2 you need to talk to someone professional. Yes, i will. It's already a month and i still have those feelings. I just wanted to move out first so my parents won't know about me going to the psychiatrist. Damn it i'll need a lot of money this month :/ Edited February 5, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator reply to deleted post Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 If you suffer with anxiety and anorexia you should already be seeing someone. Have you gotten help at all for those things? And yes, I have had both and hooking up with my brother never crossed my mind. I really don’t think one has anything to do with the other. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Apocrypha Posted February 6, 2019 Share Posted February 6, 2019 Girl that's crazy. But I think you shouldn't worry about it too much. It's not like you can avoid your brother forever even if you move out. As long as you don't anything wrong it will be ok. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KatDN Posted February 6, 2019 Author Share Posted February 6, 2019 If you suffer with anxiety and anorexia you should already be seeing someone. Have you gotten help at all for those things? And yes, I have had both and hooking up with my brother never crossed my mind. I really don’t think one has anything to do with the other. No, you got it all wrong. I don't want to hook up with my brother due to anorexia and anxiety. I got anorexia and anxiety because i realized that i have feelings for an imaginary guy whose suitable for me BUT obviously i cannot do anything with him because he is my brother. I know it was my fault that i didn't stop my emotions and let them exaggerated. I just wanted his attention, i wanted to show him that i respect what he did for me, i wanted to repay him. But i never thought that things would be like that. I am so stupid. It's just that in my entire (after-child) life not a single man had stepped up for me, especially with that intense. I had some boyfriends in the past. There were similar situations like that (not to that degree) but none of them tried to endanger themselves in order to protect my "pride". All of them would mostly just ignore the "verbal attacks" i received once in a while . And truth is i hate when guys are acting cowardly, i kept that ... grievance inside me . And then a 19 years old guy comes from out of nowhere "forcing" a group of 4-5 adults to apologize to me but happens to be my brother. Oh boy, life is cruel. From that moment i realized that the only ones who truly loved me are my family. Anyway, right now i have to deal with it. I will secretly go to a psychiatrist because even in 2019 some people think that only lunatics are going for a psychotherapy. Girl that's crazy. But I think you shouldn't worry about it too much. It's not like you can avoid your brother forever even if you move out. As long as you don't anything wrong it will be ok. I hope so ... Please seek help. My brothers were drop dead gorgeous (so I've been told) and extremely protective of me but I have never once had a crush on one or looked at them other than my brothers. Maybe if you don't get over this in the next week or 2 you need to talk to someone professional. Yeah mine is also a good-looking one. But that's not the problem. I will talk to a professional in anyway, don't have much of choices after all. Thank you all for the support, i really appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 6, 2019 Share Posted February 6, 2019 It's just that in my entire (after-child) life not a single man had stepped up for me, especially with that intense. I had some boyfriends in the past. There were similar situations like that (not to that degree) but none of them tried to endanger themselves in order to protect my "pride". All of them would mostly just ignore the "verbal attacks" i received once in a while . And truth is i hate when guys are acting cowardly, i kept that ... grievance inside me . And then a 19 years old guy comes from out of nowhere "forcing" a group of 4-5 adults to apologize to me but happens to be my brother. Oh boy, life is cruel. From that moment i realized that the only ones who truly loved me are my family. Anyway, right now i have to deal with it. I will secretly go to a psychiatrist because even in 2019 some people think that only lunatics are going for a psychotherapy. Honey this is what brothers are supposed to do! He is your blood and when someone disrespects his sister he sees red. It's normal. I imagine your Dad would have torn that guy who respected you a new one; mine would. This is what males are supposed to do within a family. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KatDN Posted March 9, 2019 Author Share Posted March 9, 2019 Hello, it's been a month since my last post and there are a lot of things I want to tell you. I went to a psychiatrist several weeks ago. I didn't told him the truth because i was embarrassed. I just told him that i had a crush on a married man, confessed to him and got rejected. He gave me medication and i feel kinda ok right now. I may don't have anorexia and anxiety anymore but the major problem still remains. I still have feelings for my brother. Feelings that are not innocent, i can definitely say that now. I realized that i am also feeling lust. I 've done some things i am ashamed about. 2 weeks ago, while we were alone in the house, I faked a leg injury just to make him carry me in his arms. It felt good but that was quick and obviously wasn't enough "satisfying". Several days ago i decided to spy on him through the keyhole while he was having a shower. I didn't saw much due to the danger of getting busted but i managed to see his ... behind. That night i thought of my actions and felt so sick (again). I knew i had to do something before it was too late. So i "reignited" the idea of getting moved to a new apparment. I told my dad i need to move out as soon as possible because i need my space. But ... that' was not the end. Yesterday at 00:40 my brother entered my room. I was surprised. He seemed depressed and he wanted to talk with me. Apparently mom told him about my desire to move out and he wasn't happy about it. - Why do you wanna move out? - Did i do something? - If you leave i will feel empty. - Can you reconsider it, please? Those were some of his questions. That night I felt even worse. I was crying for almost 2 hours. I feel like i am in a dead end. For f@ck sake, what should i do ?!?!?!? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 9, 2019 Share Posted March 9, 2019 Girl, I'm ordering you to tell your psychiatrist this NOW! You are really out of control. You will regret it the rest of your life if you don't. That's why you're going, to talk through it with someone who can make sense of it. You tell your doctor. No point going if you don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted March 9, 2019 Share Posted March 9, 2019 Do not watch Game of Thrones! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 9, 2019 Share Posted March 9, 2019 Don’t read Flowers in the Attic either. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 I don't have any brothers so I could not say whether such feelings are normal or not. Your brother was your hero so I can understand you seeing him as such and admiring him for it. He is obviously a good guy! I would think such feelings are probably more common than people will admit to. Incest is considered wrong and there are genetic reasons why it is not a good idea from a evolutionary point of view. I don't know if it is illegal where you are (or even here) but I expect it is in some places. You don't want to act on this so really you would be best to speak to a therapist. If you don't feel able to talk to the psychiatrist, then maybe you need a different therapist who you can talk to. If you are getting impulses you can't resist, like spying on your brother in the bathroom, then you do need to get control over this. He has a right to have a shower without anyone secretly watching him. You need to remind yourself he is not available to you and seek a boyfriend of your own. At least you know what kind of guy you need now, someone mature and considerate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KatDN Posted March 10, 2019 Author Share Posted March 10, 2019 (edited) Girl, I'm ordering you to tell your psychiatrist this NOW! You are really out of control. You will regret it the rest of your life if you don't. That's why you're going, to talk through it with someone who can make sense of it. You tell your doctor. No point going if you don't. Well it may took some weeks but at least i can eat and sleep normally now since he gave me some pills. But I guess i will tell him everything in the next session. I just cannot understand how can a doctor help you if it's not about physical or even psychosomatic symptoms. I don't have any brothers so I could not say whether such feelings are normal or not. Your brother was your hero so I can understand you seeing him as such and admiring him for it. He is obviously a good guy! I would think such feelings are probably more common than people will admit to. Incest is considered wrong and there are genetic reasons why it is not a good idea from a evolutionary point of view. I don't know if it is illegal where you are (or even here) but I expect it is in some places. You don't want to act on this so really you would be best to speak to a therapist. If you don't feel able to talk to the psychiatrist, then maybe you need a different therapist who you can talk to. If you are getting impulses you can't resist, like spying on your brother in the bathroom, then you do need to get control over this. He has a right to have a shower without anyone secretly watching him. You need to remind yourself he is not available to you and seek a boyfriend of your own. At least you know what kind of guy you need now, someone mature and considerate. Yeah i know. That's why i feel sick with myself. Because i feel that i am doing "bad" things to him and he obviously doesn't deserve it. Sometimes i remember when he was 2.5-3 years old and he kept following me with his diapers wherever I was going and doing whatever i was doing. And i am like: What the f@ck am i trying to do to my little brother?? At that time i manage to get rid off this "sinful" feeling but in the next morning it's all over again Edited March 10, 2019 by KatDN 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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