It tinder still a waste of time? thinking about joining once again

[Highroller107]

not sure if I should do Tinder again, I keep joining and then deleting, I get frustrated with it.

[Blanco]

The women I know who do it seem to, at the very least, always have someone or multiple people they’re “talking” to.

 

But given your thread about the guy you thought wasn’t just out for sex, I’m not sure Tinder is the best avenue for you.

[Highroller107]

Still a waste of time! I signed up 2 days ago, I got 100 matches, 30 messages, I replied back and never got a response. I deleted it once again. I get super likes, there was one guy that lived 2 miles away, doesn’t even want to meet up. My god. I deleted it once again. I have better luck at the bars

[edgygirl]

There's something about the app. I sometimes got the exact same men on bumble, but there the convo was flowing. Go figure.

 

I did meet one guy I liked on Tinder though. He was not anywhere else, not sure why. It was probably the only Tinder date I ever went on and we went on more dates until it fizzled.

[SophieG]

Met my boyfriend on Tinder. So did my friend, and they've been together for 3 years. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

[greymatter]

I had good experiences with tinder. Met a guy who I was in a year long relationship with. If I didn't have a boyfriend I would definitely use it again (but am hoping I never have to).

[PRW]

I added both Tinder and Bumble to the phone last Thurs. Nothing happening with Tinder so far but I really haven't kept up with it every day either. On Bumble I have a tentative date the end of the week, will set the solid plans tomorrow, but I have to admit to being a bit half-hearted about it. After connecting the first thing she said was "How long have you been divorced?" and "Have any kids?" I don't like starting right out on the negatives like the divorce, so I replied "I was hoping for 'What do you like to eat'?". We continued from there but it soured me on it just a bit.

[greymatter]

I added both Tinder and Bumble to the phone last Thurs. Nothing happening with Tinder so far but I really haven't kept up with it every day either. On Bumble I have a tentative date the end of the week, will set the solid plans tomorrow, but I have to admit to being a bit half-hearted about it. After connecting the first thing she said was "How long have you been divorced?" and "Have any kids?" I don't like starting right out on the negatives like the divorce, so I replied "I was hoping for 'What do you like to eat'?". We continued from there but it soured me on it just a bit.

 

I remember reading that tinder shows more potential matches when you actively use the app, so it might be worth trying to swipe a little every day. Some theorized that the tinder algorithm doesn't want to show matches who aren't active, because then users end up with fewer matches and tend to give up on the app. Who knows if this is true, but still, worth trying.

[edgygirl]

Those two bits of information are fundamental for me. I also ask them.

 

Learned the hard way not to go near recently separated or divorced, and the kids part I also hope people put in their profile so I don’t have to ask.

 

I’m surprised you are surprised a woman would want to know these before going ahead.

 

"How long have you been divorced?" and "Have any kids?" I don't like starting right out on the negatives like the divorce, so I replied "I was hoping for 'What do you like to eat'?". We continued from there but it soured me on it just a bit.

[PRW]

I eventually ask about those things too. But it comes after "Hello", and after "What do you like to eat?" It also means she is already thinking ahead to a "relationship" before we even met. It also indicates she may be jaded or suspicious,...which isn't a good thing. If you have a mindset of "casual dating" first,...then those things really don't matter yet, you aren't BF/GF yet, and don't owe each other anything yet. It is a negative start for a date. Rather than focusing on fun and a pleasant introduction, it is an attempt to disqualify and eliminate.

Those two bits of information are fundamental for me. I also ask them.

You should reconsider your approach if that is what you are doing. As I said, there is plenty of time to find out those details later on the date.

 

I’m surprised you are surprised a woman would want to know these before going ahead.

I'm not surprised she asked, it's just a little annoying.

 

But she did some things right though. She responded with asking where I'd like to eat and said she'd like to still know the other questions. So I named a restaurant and a day/time,...then answered the other questions without asking the same questions of her. She said she was out of town that day, but made a counter offer saying she was open most of the next week. I told her I would let her know for certain tomorrow (Tues) but that most likely the date would be Fri. So tomorrow I will do that and if she backs out or doesn't respond I move on. It is a Bumble date,... it doesn't carry as much weight as someone I already met & know, and semi-familiar with.

[PRW]

I remember reading that tinder shows more potential matches when you actively use the app, so it might be worth trying to swipe a little every day. Some theorized that the tinder algorithm doesn't want to show matches who aren't active, because then users end up with fewer matches and tend to give up on the app. Who knows if this is true, but still, worth trying.

It goes by the distance radius around where you happen to be at that particular moment. The heavier the population the more active it is.

[greymatter]

I'm aware that tinder uses location and active users within a certain radius. But that's not the only metric used to determine which women are shown to you. But hey, disregard what I said since you clearly know better.

[Interstellar]

That line of questioning does sound invasive. Like some CIA interrogator, “how long have you been in ISIS?” “How long have you known Al Mumbo Jumbo?” “How many kids do you want?” “How many kids do you have?”

 

 

I eventually ask about those things too. But it comes after "Hello", and after "What do you like to eat?" It also means she is already thinking ahead to a "relationship" before we even met. It also indicates she may be jaded or suspicious,...which isn't a good thing. If you have a mindset of "casual dating" first,...then those things really don't matter yet, you aren't BF/GF yet, and don't owe each other anything yet. It is a negative start for a date. Rather than focusing on fun and a pleasant introduction, it is an attempt to disqualify and eliminate.

 

You should reconsider your approach if that is what you are doing. As I said, there is plenty of time to find out those details later on the date.

 

I'm not surprised she asked, it's just a little annoying.

 

But she did some things right though. She responded with asking where I'd like to eat and said she'd like to still know the other questions. So I named a restaurant and a day/time,...then answered the other questions without asking the same questions of her. She said she was out of town that day, but made a counter offer saying she was open most of the next week. I told her I would let her know for certain tomorrow (Tues) but that most likely the date would be Fri. So tomorrow I will do that and if she backs out or doesn't respond I move on. It is a Bumble date,... it doesn't carry as much weight as someone I already met & know, and semi-familiar with.

[edgygirl]

Well, if you guys are into going for “mindset of "casual dating" first” at least make it clear in your profile. Women who are relationship minded and looking for something real DO want to know these basics. If you leave that important info out of your profile, don’t be upset if it confuses women. I for one one pass on anyone who doesn’t make clear what they want. And I certainly won’t go on a date to find out about such basic stuff. I don’t waste my time with prospects that are not clear about the basics.

Edited February 5, 2019 by edgygirl

[LauraXX]

I was on Tinder a few years ago and it was horrible. Just creepy guys looking for quick sex. I didn't go on a single date back then. But it was still quite new in our country back then and probably just attracted the wrong people.

 

 

 

Then I re-installed the app last spring and got some promising matches right away. Had my first ever Tinder (and OLD) date and ended up falling in love with that guy and dating him for six months Unfortunately I'm not seeing him anymore - I guess he wasn't that into me after all. But I still appreciate the good times we had together.

 

 

 

So now...back on the app again and it's.... meh. I just have the feeling that there were more interesting guys last year. Maybe because I turned 40 now? I could imagine that a lot of guys set the filter to "max. 39 years". On the other hand : There are still SOME interesting men there and at least I seem to match with everybody I swipe right. I'd say that about 1/3 of them never writes back though. Another 1/3 does write back but then the conversation just fades out at one point (Or it turns out that the guys are actually just visiting the city. Lots of tourists here...). But that still leaves a few guys that I do actually go on dates with, so getting a date for the weekend is usually no problem at all That's something, right?

[PRW]

Well, if you guys are into going for “mindset of "casual dating" first” at least make it clear in your profile. Women who are relationship minded and looking for something real DO want to know these basics.

But that is the root of the problem. "Casual" needs to be assumed by default. That is what the women (in this context) are doing wrong, they are way too invested in the "First Date". The women (again in this context) are basically getting in their own way.

 

 

Guys do the same crap on their side (we see them here every day),...but they need to wake up and get it together too.

[PRW]

That line of questioning does sound invasive. Like some CIA interrogator, “how long have you been in ISIS?” “How long have you known Al Mumbo Jumbo?” “How many kids do you want?” “How many kids do you have?”

I was thinking driving into work today that it would be similar to showing up on a date with a can of pepper spray already in your hand.

[Stillits]

The app hasn't worked for me. Get enough matches, but barely anyone responds to my messages, and those who do are never looking to actually meet up. I've tried the app 3 times by now, in different locations/countries, and only managed to get 1 actual date out of it. My friends who use it are not having much luck either.

[PRW]

The app hasn't worked for me. Get enough matches, but barely anyone responds to my messages, and those who do are never looking to actually meet up. I've tried the app 3 times by now, in different locations/countries, and only managed to get 1 actual date out of it. My friends who use it are not having much luck either.

The few that do get dates then write into us here to sort out the mess.

[SevenCity]

In my previous experience, Tinder was just gross.

 

I had better luck on bumble. I lime that the woman reaches out first - it slightly reduces the flake factor.

 

I may be headed back to OLD soon myself so I’ll report some observations.

 

PRW - Dinner for a OLD date?!?!? Realize you commit yourself to an hour with someone who doesn’t look like her pics.

[edgygirl]

PRW - Well maybe you have a point. I used to take any date on the more serious side because I’m really picky and only go on dates where the men seem like relationship material. After being love bombed again recently, I had decided to change my profile to looking for LTR but “taking things slowly” lol

 

Still I won’t go on dates where I can’t grasp if the man has at least the same socioeconomic background as me, recently divorced and how many kids he has. Ideally it’s already on his profile. I put my profession in mine, so it should be clear more or less where I stand.

 

But that is the root of the problem. "Casual" needs to be assumed by default.

[PRW]

PRW - Well maybe you have a point. I used to take any date on the more serious side because I’m really picky and only go on dates where the men seem like relationship material. After being love bombed again recently, I had decided to change my profile to looking for LTR but “taking things slowly” lol

 

Still I won’t go on dates where I can’t grasp if the man has at least the same socioeconomic background as me, recently divorced and how many kids he has. Ideally it’s already on his profile. I put my profession in mine, so it should be clear more or less where I stand.

You can't take anything too serious for about a month. Your impression of them could be wrong and you need a little time to see that. They could actually be better than you first think and you might be ruling them out before you even meet them. I do think that multi-dating is the key, and the only real way to do that is to keep a little distance and some detachment. I think you are being too narrow because you are over invested too soon. Yes, get rid of the love bombers quickly, but don't get so critical that you do it to everyone you meet before they have a chance to show who they are.

 

I'll be glad when I am retired and no longer have to worry about socioeconomic backgrounds. I've had it up to my ears with tolerating Hypergamy and I loose respect for a woman when I see her measuring men through that. With more than 50% of graduates being women and less than 50% being men,...there are less and less male candidates every year, so do the math, then strip out the beta males and other undesirables from that number.

 

Anyway, if you get the chance watch Will Smith's movie "Hitch". It is a movie about a guy who is a dating coach. It has some stupid crap in it like any Hollywood movie does, but it still isn't bad. The line in the movie that stands out to me is in the later part where he says the hardest part of his job is getting women to "get out of their own way". There is a PUA guy that did a review on the movie, and did a really good review of it. That is how I found out about the movie. The review is at

Don't get hung up on him being a PUA, he did a great review of the movie.

[edgygirl]

I have to be selective as I don’t have energy to go on too many dates. Max two a week but more commonly only one. I agree with you about getting to know someone over at least a month, great points below - I should keep them in mind when I’m ready to date again.

 

I get you re: hypergamy (thanks, I learned a new word). But I think for most women it’s a balance of chemistry, personality but also socioeconomic status. No one wants someone fixated on money or social climbers.

 

I saw that movie more than once as it’s always on, but I always forget the plots which is great because I can always rewatch. Will check again

 

You can't take anything too serious for about a month. Your impression of them could be wrong and you need a little time to see that. They could actually be better than you first think and you might be ruling them out before you even meet them. I do think that multi-dating is the key, and the only real way to do that is to keep a little distance and some detachment. I think you are being too narrow because you are over invested too soon. Yes, get rid of the love bombers quickly, but don't get so critical that you do it to everyone you meet before they have a chance to show who they are.

Edited February 7, 2019 by edgygirl

[c1nderella]

dont do it