elaine567 Posted February 5, 2019 Share Posted February 5, 2019 Porn rarely figures in the brains of "hopeless romantics", especially female ones. Prince Charming was not w*nking off in his carriage, in his lavish bedroom and in the royal lavatory anytime he got a minute was he? That was just not his style. I guess, the "magic" was lost for her as soon as the word porn entered into the conversation... She is an older woman, porn for some of that era, was not mainstream, it was seen as the province of old men in raincoats sneaking into backstreet cinemas or thumbing through dirty mags in sleazy dives. Hardly "romantic"... Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted February 5, 2019 Share Posted February 5, 2019 (edited) Interesting self-description, OP. I take it that most if not all of your crushes were unrequited? Just wondering if you ever felt that kind of passion with your ex-wife. I’m also curious to know how you and Natalie started dating. Btw, I assume Natalie was married and/or had had a few relationships before you. None of these men ever watched porn?? Or are they guys who openly condemned porn only to secretly have a warehouse full of porn (there’s no online streaming then I suppose)??!! [sigh] Topically, this post really belongs in my PRC thread about 'that woman' (lost love, unicorn, Natalie). But I'll post it here since THIS thread has diverted a bit to focus on that relationship (along with 'wait or settle' and 'women's attitudes about masturbation'). I'm a 'hopeless romantic'. It's a big part of my personality. What got 'us' together in the beginning was that she is a hopeless romantic, too. There are relationships that people have in life that mark them permanently. I've had a few. This was the most recent one. For the time we were together, those times were full of fun, hopeful anticipation, and, just maybe, developing love. Would she have eventually found some other reason to break up, as some have suggested? Maybe. Have I put her on a pedestal, as others have suggested? Guilty as charged. Nevertheless, this hopeless romantic has 'always' (at least since puberty LOL) had an often unattainable 'primary crush', originally one high school cheerleader or another, later in life some woman, of whom I expect my dying thoughts (NO hurry to get THERE) will be. This one is currently holding that slot. It would be very nice to displace her with someone else. Until then ... well, other than going to speed-dating next week, I don't really have any specific alternate plans. As she said, 'life is never boring'. Edited February 5, 2019 by JuneL Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted February 5, 2019 Share Posted February 5, 2019 Sorry I have a different understanding of being a hopeless romantic. I thought it means one would romanticize her lover’s imperfections and feel passionately in love despite those imperfections. I didn’t know being a hopeless romantic is synonymous with lacking common sense. Porn rarely figures in the brains of "hopeless romantics", especially female ones. Prince Charming was not w*nking off in his carriage, in his lavish bedroom and in the royal lavatory anytime he got a minute was he? That was just not his style. I guess, the "magic" was lost for her as soon as the word porn entered into the conversation... She is an older woman, porn for some of that era, was not mainstream, it was seen as the province of old men in raincoats sneaking into backstreet cinemas or thumbing through dirty mags in sleazy dives. Hardly "romantic"... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted February 5, 2019 Author Share Posted February 5, 2019 Interesting self-description, OP. I take it that most if not all of your crushes were unrequited? Just wondering if you ever felt that kind of passion with your ex-wife. I’m also curious to know how you and Natalie started dating. Btw, I assume Natalie was married and/or had had a few relationships before you. None of these men ever watched porn?? Or are they guys who openly condemned porn only to secretly have a warehouse full of porn (there’s no online streaming then I suppose)??!! Laughing again how Natalie is sticking ... All 'crushes' eventually unrequited. Of course all besides Natalie were 40 years ago and I rarely let the targets know in those days. The one exception from 'back then' became the previous woman who I'll think of with my dying thoughts. That one married the next guy she dated. It's hard to remember if I ever had that kind of passion for my ex. Looking back my perception (today! 35 years later) is that I settled. But time clouds one's vision. Natalie and I started when she sent me a Meet Me on POF. It knocked me off my feet because on paper she was everything I was looking for. For the week it took us to meet we were on the phone daily. Our first date was the best first date of my life. She was married twice. I have no idea how her other guys dealt with porn. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted February 5, 2019 Author Share Posted February 5, 2019 Sorry I have a different understanding of being a hopeless romantic. I thought it means one would romanticize her lover’s imperfections and feel passionately in love despite those imperfections. I didn’t know being a hopeless romantic is synonymous with lacking common sense. By hopeless romantic what I mean is having a strong tendency to: - see the glass half full - enjoy a happy ending (no, not that kind of happy ending you pervs, though in my non Prince Charming mode I definitely enjoy that kind of happy ending, too) - believe that there's a lid for every pot and that love conquers all. - hang on to hope elaine's point about the chaste fairy-tale Prince Charming is well taken and may have been valid with respect to Natalie. And you would be more polite to back off on the disses ('lacking common sense' - though I am enjoying the argument). Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted February 5, 2019 Share Posted February 5, 2019 By hopeless romantic what I mean is having a strong tendency to: - see the glass half full - enjoy a happy ending (no, not that kind of happy ending you pervs, though in my non Prince Charming mode I definitely enjoy that kind of happy ending, too) - believe that there's a lid for every pot and that love conquers all. - hang on to hope elaine's point about the chaste fairy-tale Prince Charming is well taken and may have been valid with respect to Natalie. And you would be more polite to back off on the disses ('lacking common sense' - though I am enjoying the argument). I sure hope her Prince Charming won’t be disappointed that she’s no longer a virgin Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted February 6, 2019 Author Share Posted February 6, 2019 I sure hope her Prince Charming won’t be disappointed that she’s no longer a virgin ''It's not my fault'' Han Solo in The Empire Strikes Back Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted February 6, 2019 Share Posted February 6, 2019 (edited) I’m a hopeless romantic who likes porn and kink! Porn rarely figures in the brains of "hopeless romantics", especially female ones. Edited February 6, 2019 by edgygirl 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted February 12, 2019 Author Share Posted February 12, 2019 (edited) Total WTF moment ... match.com put 'Natalie' in my Daily Match list today. She lives somewhat far from me and I do often get Daily Matches that live far away. But ... this is almost ... creepy strange. I don't believe in fate or kismet. I know that match.com has a Match Me feature where you can pay to put yourself in someone else's Daily Match. I find it VERY hard to believe she'd do that because I am (or was) sure she'd 'moved on'. But last year we were each others Valentine. Hell of a timing coincidence. I haven't decided whether to drop her a note. Probably will but I'll have to keep it very nonchalant. I'm thinking something like. 'Hi. Unbelievable as it seemed to me, you were a surprising Daily Match today. I'm totally unsure what to make of it. But it did give me a grin. Hope you're well.' I think wishing her a happy V-day would be too much. What would some of the rest of you write, if anything? Two possibilities 1) coincidence - the universe is playing trix (sic) on me 2) she bought a Match Me - holy shyt if that's true Edited February 12, 2019 by nospam99 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 I'm thinking something like. 'Hi. Unbelievable as it seemed to me, you were a surprising Daily Match today. I'm totally unsure what to make of it. But it did give me a grin. Hope you're well.' I think wishing her a happy V-day would be too much. What would some of the rest of you write, if anything? Less is more. "Hi. You were my Daily Match today, gave me a grin. Hope you're well." I'd assume it's the software but who knows? Hope it's good news... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 I don't usually start a thread asking for suggestions. Usually I offer commentary or advice on OLD or start a thread related to ISO problems. But I've come to a clearer understanding about 'where my head is at', not in a 'comfortable' place, and thought some of the rest of you could offer observations or opinions that might be helpful to me. Warning: moderate TL/DR follows. I met and dated 'my lost love' (MLL) about a year ago. I was a short relationship, but 'high quality': she was (and is) almost 'everything I'm looking for' and she behaved as if that was true for her, too. We had a precipitous falling out over her reaction to how I had used porn to 'satisfy myself' during my multi-year separation and divorce. She enforced NC until recently when, about a month ago, we briefly exchanged friendly messages. Not 'that friendly' - no reconciliation, only a suspension of NC. Over the intervening months, I've been meeting and dating other women but nothing has lasted. I'm still 'fishing'. But what I'm fishing for is an LTR. So I'm only going to 'match' with a woman who is also looking for an LTR. The problem I am concerned about is whether I'll 'be satisfied' (easy to question at the moment as I am 'between gfs'). I like to think of myself as a decent enough guy that I wouldn't 'use' a woman as a place holder and dump her if I discovered a(nother) unicorn. So as I see my 'lose/lose' options at the moment: - hold out for that unicorn. Risk going to my grave 10, 20, 30, maybe 40 years from now never again having been in a loving relationship. NOT going to happen. or - keep searching. If some woman and I happen to 'find each other' and meet 'enough' of 'both our' respective needs and desires, start a relationship. The risk is that it could (maybe likely to) be 'settling'. Not that appearance is my only criteria, but metaphorically if you've had Natalie Portman and you find yourself with Hillary Clinton (sorry, can't think of a young 'plain Jane'), what do you do if Princess Kate comes along? So I'm going to keep searching, may very well settle, and hope that I don't have to deal with 'buyer's remorse'. I apologize for all the mixed metaphors. I feel like this kind of 'colorful' language gets the point across better than trying to be cold and objective. So, like I said, I'm interested in at least hearing advice, one way or the other, especially a third option to the 'wait or settle' that I thought of by myself. Hold out for the unicorn, for you may meet her along the way. You won't know you 'settled' either until the absolute end, I'd say If you meet someone you're compatible with, but you're afraid of what you'd miss, Then you'll never appreciate what you have, and in the end, you'll just end up pissed. By the way, Natalie Portman is my celebrity crush I've had ever since I was a young boy. You've got good taste, she's an angel. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted February 17, 2019 Author Share Posted February 17, 2019 Hi. You were my Daily Match today, gave me a grin. Hope you're well. This thread has drifted off it's original topic but is still related. And I'm too lazy at the moment to start a new one, so ... The quote is pretty much what I wrote to her. It took a few days before she responded. But she did and we had another friendly exchange of OLD messages, in real time this time i.e. we were both online sending messages and responding to each other as we saw the last message from the other. There were enough messages back and forth that I asked if she wanted to switch to the phone. She ignored that question and ended the conversation immediately. I don't want to be an orbiter and I don't think I'm being one. At least for the moment this is not an explicit 'do you want to get together again' conversation. More like she's being polite with an ex and I'm probing to get a sense for whether to play the 'together again' card. So my point in posting again is to expose myself to the darts from y'all, mainly because I know I'm too emotionally invested to be certain I'm objective. LOL I've got think skin. Notes: - I'm only contacting her for by OLD message. No text or phone although I still have her number. - It had been a month since I last messaged her. The only reason I did was because she showed up as a Daily Match and I know there was a chance that she had made that happen. - Unless she opens up the frequency or communication, I only plan to make contact if something specific happens that justifies it to me. LOL I did NOT 'count' V-day as 'something specific'. Do YOU LSers think I'm being an orbiter? If so, why? And if so, what should I be doing to stop being an orbiter? Any response to the previous question that includes full NC will be cheerfully ignored until I meet another woman who's interested enough in me to sleep with me. Not that sex is my primary objective. It's just a litmus test of the woman's interest level. Just sayin' Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 17, 2019 Share Posted February 17, 2019 The quote is pretty much what I wrote to her. It took a few days before she responded. But she did and we had another friendly exchange of OLD messages, in real time this time i.e. we were both online sending messages and responding to each other as we saw the last message from the other. There were enough messages back and forth that I asked if she wanted to switch to the phone. She ignored that question and ended the conversation immediately. Is this last contact you had with her? Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted February 17, 2019 Share Posted February 17, 2019 She is showing very minimal interest in contact and no interest in increasing it. Although you are limiting your messaging and not chasing her, you are maintaining a presence and hoping it will result in her warming up and reciprocating your interest. From my understanding that's a pretty good description of an orbiter, albeit a low key one. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted February 17, 2019 Share Posted February 17, 2019 It's done with "Natalie", stop wasting your time. It makes you look desperate and pathetic. If she wanted you, she would have contacted you a long time ago. I never contact my exes, a few have contacted me (to get back together). 99.9% of the time it doesn't work out and was a waste of my time. I still vote for contacting the 70 year old. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted February 17, 2019 Share Posted February 17, 2019 Here’s what would happen if you keep on with your strategy. Natalie is going to reply to you with increasing delays and brevity, until she stops responding altogether. How many rounds of initiation without a response would it take for you to stop trying? The last time this happened to me, it took the guy 3 rounds to get it, but that guy was more inexperienced and clueless and much younger than you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted February 17, 2019 Author Share Posted February 17, 2019 It's done with ''Natalie'', stop wasting your time. It makes you look desperate and pathetic. If she wanted you, she would have contacted you a long time ago. I absolutely do appreciate and respect your opinion. Objectively, I agree. I'm not acting objectively. I've made plenty of mistakes in this life. Not 'letting go' of 'Natalie' is probably another one and I hope I keep living long enough to make a lot more. I've lived with the consequences of my previous mistakes. I'm a big boy. I'll live with the consequences of this likely mistake. I still vote for contacting the 70 year old. The 70 year old was just a profile in an unfiltered search. She disappeared from that search as soon as I applied my usual filters (average or better self-described body, non-smoker or trying to quit). Ahead of her, I've got a first meeting scheduled with a 68 y/o, a 67 y/o who Liked me on match.com, and a 66 y/o who Meet Me'ed on POF. So enough nominally interested 'older' women at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted February 17, 2019 Author Share Posted February 17, 2019 How many rounds of initiation without a response would it take for you to stop trying? The last time this happened to me, it took the guy 3 rounds to get it, but that guy was more inexperienced and clueless and much younger than you. Hard to answer your how many rounds question. Yesterday she initiated a conversation four days after my previous message and she had quite a lot to say. This morning I initiated and she replied within five minutes in what I'd describe (again) as a friendly manner. This is a situation with a lot of water under the bridge, water that is a whole lot less murky than it was as recently as two months ago. That does NOT mean I expect a reconciliation. But I'll count it as a 'win' if we part as friends this time and I'm fully willing to work towards that kind of win. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted February 17, 2019 Share Posted February 17, 2019 Ahead of her, I've got a first meeting scheduled with a 68 y/o, a 67 y/o who Liked me on match.com, and a 66 y/o who Meet Me'ed on POF. So enough nominally interested 'older' women at the moment. Well, that sounds great!! Focus on going forward and leave the past in the past. Fingers crossed that one of these other ladies is your next love!! Best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts