rejected_lost Posted February 3, 2019 Share Posted February 3, 2019 Greetings, I was in a long distance relationship with a girl who had a bf. Why did i get into a relationship with her? She showed a lot of interest in me and gave me an impression that she wasn't happy in her relationship with her bf who would abuse her and even hit her at times. It seemed as if she was crazy abt me. It began with online chatting. We started talking over the phone. We met and spent quality time together. We met a few times. I went to her city once when her bf was away and she came to my city twice. The last time we met was after her breakup with her bf. She said they had a fight and since she had had enough, she called it quits. She said she missed him i said i could understand as it was natural to miss ur ex after breaking up. I told her to be strong and not to go back to him. I told her we were happy with each other and so she should consider moving to my city and start afresh. However after she went back to her city, her bf came to meet her. He got to know abt her affair with me and cried in front of her. He pleaded for another chance and this girl gave in. When she msgd me that she thinks she should give him a chance, we had a fight. I tried to convince her that she should choose me but she said that she needed to be by that guy's side who was distraught. We blocked each other. I was left shattered. A couple of days later she called me from her brother's number and told me that the guy deleted my number from her phone but she resaved it under some other name. When the guy came to know he hit her multiple times. I asked her if she wants to be with me she said yes i asked her if i should come to her city and take her away from there she said no. She said she's not in the frame of mind to fight and wants peace in her life. She asked me not to contact her as the guy broke her phone. I contacted her once after that on her brother's phone and tried to convince her one last time. It didn't work. I haven't contacted her after that. A week has passed i haven't heard from her. I'm on anti depressants. I miss her a lot. What do i do? Link to post Share on other sites
Goldenheart Posted February 3, 2019 Share Posted February 3, 2019 Sorry to hear about this, it sounds like a real heartbreak. I think you should just leave it alone and let this girl figure out what it is she really wants. She knows how to reach you, she knows what you want, she also knows what you’re willing to do to have her. I don’t think there is much more you can do besides wait. Don’t contact her let her sort herself out in the mean time try to occupy your time so you don’t think about it as mich Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 3, 2019 Share Posted February 3, 2019 What you do is nothing. There is nothing you can do. He is there with her & you are the LDR fantasy. For reasons no one but her understands, she chose an abusive guy. If you believe in God, pray for her safety. I supposed since you have the brother's number you can make one call to him to make sure he knows the other guy is physically abusing his sister but short of that you can't do anything. Sorry. Even if she breaks up with him or the family gets her away from him, she won't come back to you & she will blame you if he gets jailed. Going forward, don't be the OM. The always chose the primary relationship not matter how bad they tell you it is. Link to post Share on other sites
traditional Posted February 6, 2019 Share Posted February 6, 2019 I need you to consider several things. Anytime this girl reaches out to you from now- 1. it will be 90% because things are not well between her and that guy, not because she loves you and wants to be with you. 2. You can never know for sure if and when or if she will ever really be over him or leave him for real. You remain in back-up or stand by for when the guy leaves again or she feels lonely. also remember-whatever a woman says-especially I love you and I want to be with you etc.-is just what she feels in that moment and circumstances-you can never build anything around it. 3. Even if she is back, you have to constantly look over your shoulder if he does not call her up for a quick touch base-remember she has affection for him so he has that much power. 4. As a man nature meant for you to think with your d..., of course we all fall in the trap of settling and owning. If you want you play the same card-of crying and asking for a chance-that you can't carry on, if she gives in-you take her to theatre that evening-count your blessings and walk away-which is just cruel. It is best for yourself to leave this whole thing in your best interest please, before you invest too much emotion and time into it. It may cost a month or two for hurt-yes you pay that much but it will be over. In the long run you dodge many unnecessary bullets. There are more women on earth than men, and you keep popping up in another guy's garden, why. Its like the story of 6 women and 2 men in a room-every time the lights are out one guy only manages to get hold of the other guy-you need focus. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rejected_lost Posted February 10, 2019 Author Share Posted February 10, 2019 Thank you very much for responding, friends. I went through each of your posts and felt good that there are people who care. Just a quick update... I tried to be strong. I'm still trying. She contacted me using her brother's phone out of the blue at night 4-5 days back. We spoke. She said she couldn't control herself and so she called me. We spoke for a couple of hours. She said she was worried about me. I said I was fine. I didn't want to sound needy or desperate. She complained about her bf. She said he didn't value her and stuff. I kept my cool. Then we spoke about random things. 3 days later, I was missing her like crazy. I didn't contact her. She contacted me using her bf's phone. She said she was missing me a lot. She asked me if she was bothering me by calling her as I had told her earlier that she shouldn't contact me as I wanted to move on. I said she wasn't. This time, I told her that I was also missing her but didn't contact her as I didn't want her to face problems because of me. I also told her that she was the one who was pushing me away. She didn't like it. We chatted for an hour or so on whatsapp after that. She said that she respected me because I wasn't forcing her and because I respected her decision. She said that she chose to be with him as she wanted mental peace. She said her bf wouldn't have let her live peacefully had she left him. She said that while she and her bf were being selfish, I backed out because I truly cared about her. She even said she loved me and missed me. I don't know what's happening. Her bf doesn't have to go to work on Sunday so I'm sure she's with him right now. She'll be with him all day and night too I believe. It hurts. But a part of me still wants her back. I know I won't contact her, but I want her to contact me again. sorry for the long post. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 10, 2019 Share Posted February 10, 2019 I was in a long distance relationship with a girl who had a bf. You thought you would rescue her and she would be sooo grateful. BUT truth is she is a just a "mixed up kid" who is fantasy cheating on her bf with you. She loves the drama... There is no great love story here. Her bf may be abusive but many women in truly abusive relationships are so petrified of the consequences if their man ever found out, that cheating is the last thing on their mind... You offered her an "out", she didn't want it. Forget her. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 10, 2019 Share Posted February 10, 2019 This is never going to work out, OP. Block her. She doesn't love you; not in the way you hope she does, anyway. This is going to lead nowhere but pain and heartache for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts