eclipse Posted September 18, 2005 Share Posted September 18, 2005 I need some help My ex girlfriend and I broke up mid last year and were friends w/benefits for awhile. We both loved each other deeply and were inseperable. We dated for 6 months and/or a year counting the friends w/benefits. We broke up mutually because I had to work on stuff about myself, which I fixed. I wanted to get back w/her last April and she said she couldn't date me again because I wasn't as outgoing as her, etc. Well I was devestated and went into NC after writing her an email telling it would be best we didn't talk anymore. After that it was strict NC for 2 mos. We started talking again in June (initiated by her). She wasn't very nice when she started calling again, but eventually we became friends again. She has been dating someone since last spring and this guy is a loser in every way and I honestly don't know what she see's in him. Anyways, she will always call me when her and her man are having problems and come cry to me and I always comfort her and am there for her now since we are speaking again. I loaned her my car last week for a day, I took her to school when her boyfriend took their car out of town and picked her up. I am always there for her, exept I don't always answer the phone when she calls or will wait a bit to call her back. I really love her and want her back and seems the NC didn't do any good before because I missed her more and even though she sniffed around during that period she still didn't initiate wanting me back. Now seems she takes advantage that I am her friend now. Weird things she does - every couple of weeks she say she misses me and one time said she wanted to kiss me. She said she is still attracted to me. She always wants to know about my love life and if I am talking to, sleeping w/someone, and if I have messed around w/someone she acts jealous, but in a weird way like making fun of the person. She likes to throw her boyfriend in my face at times as if she's trying to get a reaction out of me. She flirts w/me when we are alone. She changed her profile on the same day she found out I messed around with a girl we both knew, she changed it from "single" to "happily taken" and put pictures of her and her man under her profile. They have been together since spring and she just now changed it. What's that about? I have not even thrown the slightest hint to her since April that I want her back and I pretty much assume she knows I have moved on because I act like strictly her friend. I have changed alot and am outgoing now and really like it. What should I do to get her back, should I do NC again, just stop talking to her without a reason why? Do you think if I am friends w/her and am there for her she will realize how good I am, and I should just be there and wait it out? What is the best chance to get her back? If I do NC, should I explain why, or just change my # or something? Basically, do you think I have any chance to get her back by being friends, and being there when she needs me? I just don't want to be an ***hole to her since she doesn't have alot oe people that care about her. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 18, 2005 Share Posted September 18, 2005 Tell her exactly how you feel, and that you want her back. Then let her know that if she can't give you the type of relationship you need from her, that "friends" won't cut it and it would be best to part ways and not contact each other for a while so you can get your head and heart back together. Then... start that 'no contact' process with "moving on" in mind instead of "getting back together". Whether you end up reconciling or not, right now you need to get some emotional distance from what you had. Second chances happen, but they always fail if you still have too much of that "first chance" infecting the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
seductress989 Posted September 18, 2005 Share Posted September 18, 2005 Hi, just thought I would reply since I've been in a similiar situation. My ex and I broke up last June and we were "friends w/benefits" for about 6 months afterward. I've learned now that FWB is the worst thing you can do when it comes to your ex. He screwed with my head like your ex is doing by bringing me candy IMing me, calling me, etc. I finally came out of denial and realized that he was using me and started NC. I think that your ex is using as backup in case her b/f bails on her. Trust me, I know, since I'm a girl and I did this temporarily with my ex.(He used me so I used him basically) It also sounds like she is confused and obviously wants to make you jealous. The only way you will truly figure out how she feels about you is to start NC now for 6 mos. Trust me, she's not going anywhere if she still cares for you. This is ample time for you to clear your head and see how YOU really feel about her. When I started NC, I was in terrible shape crying and depressed. I wondered if I had made a mistake by ending things. As time went on, I stopped thinking of him and started dating other people. I realized that I did do the right thing and am happily single now and that's by choice. I've changed about my ex and no longer have feelings for him and I'm ok with that. You may think that your ex is the one but when you take time for yourself you may find that you feel entirely different than you thought you did. Good luck and keep us posted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author eclipse Posted September 18, 2005 Author Share Posted September 18, 2005 thanks for the replies, seems she gives me lots of mixed signals. She is so friggin hot and cold, and seems like one day she is in love w/her boyfriend then the other she is telling me she misses me and she even asked me if I missed her and when. I have so much more to offer than her boyfriend, and I dont mean to sound conceited but everything about me is better than him, and I know she knows I am better. So should I just not talk to her anymore, not answer her calls, or sometimes answer and act like I'm busy? What would be the best thing to do? Link to post Share on other sites
lost_in_chgo Posted September 18, 2005 Share Posted September 18, 2005 So should I just not talk to her anymore, not answer her calls, or sometimes answer and act like I'm busy? What would be the best thing to do? try not talking to her for a couple weeks and see if you have a better idea of what effect it is having on her. Link to post Share on other sites
the_dude007 Posted September 19, 2005 Share Posted September 19, 2005 This NC thing / idea needs to be treated as helping yourself cope, not as a strategy for reconciliation, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author eclipse Posted September 19, 2005 Author Share Posted September 19, 2005 she has not called me since Thurs. late, and I have not called her. If she calls should I just not answer anymore, or should I answer but act like I'm busy and can't talk. Should I give her a piece of my mind first if I go NC? Link to post Share on other sites
lost_in_chgo Posted September 19, 2005 Share Posted September 19, 2005 This NC thing / idea needs to be treated as helping yourself cope, not as a strategy for reconciliation, right? either way break contact to help yourself cope or break contact to give a wakeup call to the ex Either way, if they are going to call, they will. Should I give her a piece of my mind first if I go NC? Just stop talking, dont make any announcements. You said you want her back, so you have two ways to go, tell her you want her back, which might drive her further away, or break off contact and hope that she panics. If you tell her off, she may look at it as the final word. But the bottom line is every woman is different. They are all insane, so how an individual is going to react is hard to predict. Link to post Share on other sites
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