SevenCity Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 Just an update for anyone interested Since coming to Bangkok from Tokyo January 20, I’ve gone on 5 or 6 dates. Not interested in any, but today I met a really sweet girl, and have another date Saturday with her. Not trying to rush back into dating, but it’s helping. Realistically, it won’t be anything serious (maybe) because I return to Tokyo March 10. Another note: every one of these girls insisted on paying half, or contributing something on the dates. I was a little surprised actually...my ex never did this. The girl I went today with, said she’d feel “ashamed” if I paid on her (maybe a little drastic)...I was a little surprised, and appreciative, considering my ex was the complete opposite, never offering. (Sorry if I keep talking about money, I don’t care about money like this, it’s just more the principle and value part) Dating has just opened my eyes to the fact that there are many nice girls out there, and its helping me stop thinking of my ex 5 or 6 dates since your ex? You’re Superman! Good for you dude. You are absolutely doing the right thing by dating. You are starting to realize you have options and that your ex wasn’t all that great. Trust me, once you find one that you click with you’ll forget all about your ex. Side note, as a white dude who loves Asian chicks I’m green with envy about the plethora of choices you have. I would go hog wild in your shoes! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author skanzer Posted February 7, 2019 Author Share Posted February 7, 2019 5 or 6 dates since your ex? You’re Superman! Good for you dude. You are absolutely doing the right thing by dating. You are starting to realize you have options and that your ex wasn’t all that great. Trust me, once you find one that you click with you’ll forget all about your ex. Side note, as a white dude who loves Asian chicks I’m green with envy about the plethora of choices you have. I would go hog wild in your shoes! For some reason in Bangkok, dating apps are really effective. There’s still a big emptiness inside, because many of the girls I met so far, I don’t like very much, sometimes I’m always comparing them to how easily I clicked with my ex (we clicked like it was meant to be on the first date)...but I do think this is part of the process, and I do think I will bump into that special girl again, you can’t rush these things. Moving on is a gradual thing, and finding your soul mate is not something that happens everyday Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 It’s good to date because you will eventually start to remember the world beyond the previous relationship. It’s a form of re-wiring your mind. Link to post Share on other sites
beentheredonethat77 Posted February 9, 2019 Share Posted February 9, 2019 For some reason in Bangkok, dating apps are really effective. There’s still a big emptiness inside, because many of the girls I met so far, I don’t like very much, sometimes I’m always comparing them to how easily I clicked with my ex (we clicked like it was meant to be on the first date)...but I do think this is part of the process, and I do think I will bump into that special girl again, you can’t rush these things. Moving on is a gradual thing, and finding your soul mate is not something that happens everyday I couldn't resist posting as a person who has lived in Japan (Osaka and Kyoto) and also a woman who has 'been there and done that' in dating world. When i read your thread, i feel truly that she was looking to be 'taken care of'.. and her attraction/'commitment' to the relationship was predicated on being the princess being fully taken care of by the prince. When the prince turns to the princess and changes the rules and wants her to chip (even if it feels completely reasonable to any normal person) -- the attraction died. She no longer felt as though she was living some sort of fairytale, and the attraction of you being the 'provider' for her.. just died in that one text. There may have been things she didn't like about you and overlooked them in her mind because you were her 'provider', the same way young beautiful women can overlook a lot of flaws in less attractive sugar daddy men....--- Once the bubble was burst (even if you are paying for her expenses in bangkok.. a kept woman doesn't pull her her credit card for plane tickets (in her mind), all your less desirable traits mattered (because only a true knight in shining armor gets to have flaws). Anyway, i know you've moved on which is great.. but i had to chime in to just re-inforce what the others said. Also dont beat yourself up for texting her the long messages, i think if anything shes embarrassed that you called her out, and so she should be! Link to post Share on other sites
Author skanzer Posted February 10, 2019 Author Share Posted February 10, 2019 (edited) I couldn't resist posting as a person who has lived in Japan (Osaka and Kyoto) and also a woman who has 'been there and done that' in dating world. When i read your thread, i feel truly that she was looking to be 'taken care of'.. and her attraction/'commitment' to the relationship was predicated on being the princess being fully taken care of by the prince. When the prince turns to the princess and changes the rules and wants her to chip (even if it feels completely reasonable to any normal person) -- the attraction died. She no longer felt as though she was living some sort of fairytale, and the attraction of you being the 'provider' for her.. just died in that one text. There may have been things she didn't like about you and overlooked them in her mind because you were her 'provider', the same way young beautiful women can overlook a lot of flaws in less attractive sugar daddy men....--- Once the bubble was burst (even if you are paying for her expenses in bangkok.. a kept woman doesn't pull her her credit card for plane tickets (in her mind), all your less desirable traits mattered (because only a true knight in shining armor gets to have flaws). Anyway, i know you've moved on which is great.. but i had to chime in to just re-inforce what the others said. Also dont beat yourself up for texting her the long messages, i think if anything shes embarrassed that you called her out, and so she should be! Thanks for your message. Honestly, I think we all focused on the money issue too much in this thread (my fault)...she did offer to pay for some things, and I don't think she broke up with be because of me asking to pay half a ticket. If she really liked me, she'd stick with me and talk things through. I completely see your point, that if I kept providing most of everything, and really taking care of her etc, she'd probably stay, and that makes the less desirable traits 'more fine', when I'm pampering her. At the end of the day, I do feel she lost interest for more than money, I just don't know what it is. I think the whole ticket thing, she just jumped on anything to leave me, because she simply didn't care about me that much, and wanted someone else. That thought hurts, because I wanted to be good enough for her, but break ups happen all the time, right? This really just made me want to be a better person and improve myself. I'm not saying I was the perfect BF, but I was really good to her. Regardless, I need to become a better person. And, I haven't moved on at all yet. It's a little better, but I am still in a constant state of anxiousness and 'depression' because of what happened, but hanging in there! Edited February 10, 2019 by skanzer 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author skanzer Posted February 11, 2019 Author Share Posted February 11, 2019 Don’t mean to drag this thread on...but I’ve just been having extreme anxiety and depression since the breakup, dating is not helping (no one I met is nearly as good as my experience with her), it’s very difficult to sleep, and I can’t get this girl out of my head. I would spend all my time with her in Tokyo...I feel like when I return to Japan, I’ll have no one (I have some friends there but I don’t see them that often), and it’s just back to being alone again. Also, the constant thought the she dumped me like I was nothing...its been really hurting my self esteem, and I feel like I was never good enough. She left me like I was trash and didn’t look back, even after all our time spent together and the memories. It’s been 3 weeks and I still feel devastated :/... Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted February 11, 2019 Share Posted February 11, 2019 Hi. It's understandable that you feel this way. What she did was heartless and cruel. I'm really sorry. Some advice I'd give you is to never isolate yourself to one person. Even if you have a long-term gf, you should still get out and be with others outside that relationship. I know how hurtful it is when you love someone so much and they pull the rug out from under you like that. It's brutal and very difficult to get past. But you will get past it and you'll love again. You seem like a really nice person, very generous, introspective, and warm. Lots of women would love to be with someone like that. You're more rare than you know. Try to hang on to that until you're not feeling pain anymore. It will stop hurting. In the meantime, drag this thread on as long as you need to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skanzer Posted February 11, 2019 Author Share Posted February 11, 2019 Hi. It's understandable that you feel this way. What she did was heartless and cruel. I'm really sorry. Some advice I'd give you is to never isolate yourself to one person. Even if you have a long-term gf, you should still get out and be with others outside that relationship. I know how hurtful it is when you love someone so much and they pull the rug out from under you like that. It's brutal and very difficult to get past. But you will get past it and you'll love again. You seem like a really nice person, very generous, introspective, and warm. Lots of women would love to be with someone like that. You're more rare than you know. Try to hang on to that until you're not feeling pain anymore. It will stop hurting. In the meantime, drag this thread on as long as you need to. Thank you bathtub-row...we are ‘random’ people online posting on this forum, probably many thousands of miles apart, but your responses have meant a lot to me. I will do my best. Even though dating hasnt helped much, I’m not going to give up on it, I’m sure that day will come when I meet a girl that is amazing. Also, I don’t want to put the blame on her for me being in this rut...yes, she did what she did, and it was very disrespectful and insensitive, but I have to take responsibility for my life and mental well-being moving forward now, she’s no longer a part of it. Sadly, getting over this isn’t like an on-off switch. I hope I’ll have a more positive update soon...thanks again 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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