GF Broke Up All Of A Sudden, Ghosted Me

[skanzer]

Here's the deal: Everybody hurts like this when they get discarded, but you have to be in control of your reactions. Losing control was when you started spilling your guts to a woman who doesn't even deserve a modicum of your respect at this point. She is gutter slime to you.

 

Now, forget what you just did, because it is OVER with. Find some buddies, a woman, something, go out and do something fun. Have a one night stand if you need to. Go to the gym. Do anything you can to take your mind off this shell of a woman who is the epitome of trash.

 

I am in Bangkok right now on a business trip from Tokyo, after a break up, completely alone. I have no support network...I have no one right now. Im in this foreign country isolated. Only you guys to talk to. My friends in USA won’t listen to me about this anymore.

 

The loneliness is eating me up honestly. I choked and did something stupid. I hate to say it...but I’m acting desperate, because I’m desperate for the love I had with her. But that love is totally in the past, it was never love anyways...

 

Your advice is solid.

[Normm]

Hang in there buddy.

 

 

Get some sushi. You need the nourishment.

[Highndry]

I am in Bangkok right now on a business trip from Tokyo, after a break up, completely alone. I have no support network...I have no one right now. Im in this foreign country isolated. Only you guys to talk to. My friends in USA won’t listen to me about this anymore.

 

The loneliness is eating me up honestly. I choked and did something stupid. I hate to say it...but I’m acting desperate, because I’m desperate for the love I had with her. But that love is totally in the past, it was never love anyways...

 

Your advice is solid.

 

 

What did you do for fun on your business trips BEFORE you met this woman? Try to return to that. It seems you like to have a few drinks. Get yourself in the shower, shave, then dress in your nicest suit or whatever you have and go to a high end bar somewhere. Go talk to people. Don't get trashed, but try to interact. Heck, talk with the bartender about this horrid woman.

[skanzer]

What did you do for fun on your business trips BEFORE you met this woman? Try to return to that. It seems you like to have a few drinks. Get yourself in the shower, shave, then dress in your nicest suit or whatever you have and go to a high end bar somewhere. Go talk to people. Don't get trashed, but try to interact. Heck, talk with the bartender about this horrid woman.

 

Thank you and the others in this chat...it’s my first time opening up like this online, and you guys really are giving me the time of day, I’m a little surprised.

 

I will do my best to mvoe on, there’s no other way. I’ve moved on from a 5 year relationship before (she was a gem, not like this girl), I can do the same with a 3 month.

 

I hope I can randomly post an update soon with my progress. I PROMISE I will never reach out to this girl again. It’s recovery time

[Marc878]

You will get through this. Everything will be fine

[skanzer]

I drank a bottle of wine before writing that message to her. Reading it now, sober, wow, it really was cringe worthy. I made myself look like a pathetic fool. Any attraction or interest that this chick might’ve had left, is gone. No one respect a desperate push over.

 

I cant unsend it...but wow, how lame was I.

[Normm]

I've read worse. There have been guys who sent a similar letter, to an ex girlfriend that dumped him for another guy, and he finds out the two of them read the letter and laughed.

 

 

She probably didn't laugh, who knows she probably just feels sorry for you, and/or just wishes you'd stop sending the freaking letters so she doesn't have to feel guilty for dumping you.

[bathtub-row]

I’m just going to chime in here and tell you what I see from a female’s perspective. If I were in her shoes, I’d be dead ashamed that I ever treated another person in the way she has treated you. My conscience would be screaming at me everywhere I went. And then those texts would compound my guilt.

 

I would see very little that’s pathetic in your texts because women love to be pursued by men. We mostly think it’s charming when you spill your guts and fall all over yourselves. The movie Four Weddings and a Funeral is a great example of a guy charmingly stammering all over himself. However, too much of it and he needs to lighten up. But I can’t tell you how many men conquer a woman with sheer persistence. I get it that people are saying that this is an exception because of her ill treatment of you but the abruptness of what she did is a factor here. It just shows you have heart and feelings. The only thing I wish you had not said was that she wasn’t a bad person because it let her off the hook and, from where I’m standing, she is a bad person. Still, what you wrote was very sweet and heartfelt. Any caring woman with any type of heart or conscience would not be able to continue ignoring you.

 

So, I wouldn’t beat myself up about any of it if I were you. She, on the other hand, should be beating the crap out of herself and I hope your last text was like a dagger in her heart.

 

I know you said things were fairly perfect with her but there’s a missing piece here, something you missed or she hid from you. No question. Normal people just don’t do this to someone they cared deeply about just hours before. They just don’t.

[skanzer]

I’m just going to chime in here and tell you what I see from a female’s perspective. If I were in her shoes, I’d be dead ashamed that I ever treated another person in the way she has treated you. My conscience would be screaming at me everywhere I went. And then those texts would compound my guilt.

 

I would see very little that’s pathetic in your texts because women love to be pursued by men. We mostly think it’s charming when you spill your guts and fall all over yourselves. The movie Four Weddings and a Funeral is a great example of a guy charmingly stammering all over himself. However, too much of it and he needs to lighten up. But I can’t tell you how many men conquer a woman with sheer persistence. I get it that people are saying that this is an exception because of her ill treatment of you but the abruptness of what she did is a factor here. It just shows you have heart and feelings. The only thing I wish you had not said was that she wasn’t a bad person because it let her off the hook and, from where I’m standing, she is a bad person. Still, what you wrote was very sweet and heartfelt. Any caring woman with any type of heart or conscience would not be able to continue ignoring you.

 

So, I wouldn’t beat myself up about any of it if I were you. She, on the other hand, should be beating the crap out of herself and I hope your last text was like a dagger in her heart.

 

I know you said things were fairly perfect with her but there’s a missing piece here, something you missed or she hid from you. No question. Normal people just don’t do this to someone they cared deeply about just hours before. They just don’t.

 

 

Thank you for your words...I still feel like an idiot spilling my heart to a person who is ignoring me, and really, out of self respect, I shouldn't send messages to a person who won't give me the time of day...but your post made me feel less like an idiot.

 

It's not the first message I sent her like this, there were some others ones closer to the breakup day...but they were all ignored (and I know she read them all, like this latest one, because of the 'read' notification on the app I talk to her on).

 

I did show her I have heart and feelings as you say...but I'm getting into 'pathetic' territory at this point, especially considering I've sent some long messages before this one to her. She doesn't deserve to have another word from me, and I've decided that I will never message her again.

 

Life moves on. Thank you all so much for your words, it really means a lot. I am sure I will meet someone one day who will appreciate my love.

 

The future is bright!

[bathtub-row]

Stay on this site if you still need to talk. Just because you’re not going to contact her doesn’t mean you still don’t have questions or thoughts that you need to get out.

[skanzer]

Stay on this site if you still need to talk. Just because you’re not going to contact her doesn’t mean you still don’t have questions or thoughts that you need to get out.

 

Yes I will definitely stay on this site ^_^

It’s really nice to know there are people I can talk to about this, including you. Thank you. Also Ill be giving my put on other threads here

[Maverick01]

@skanzer

 

My friend, I do really understand your situation and how hard it is for you now.

I know, because I have been there before, in similar situations.

You are in a moment now where you are unable to fully think rationally and use your logic.

Your brain is overwhelmed by the emotions.

This is normal.

This is why it's a good idea to get opinions from external people, like here on this forum.

In the emotional state of mind where you are now is easy to make mistakes.

 

Don't blame yourself for the text you sent her while you were drunk. Your emotions where honest. You always have been honest with yourself and with her, and this is what matters the most.

Why you ask yourself what she could think of your message?

She was the first one to misbehave and make mistakes here.

You didn't do any mistake while in the relationship: she should have appreciated what you did for her. It is not like you are obliged to pay everything for her.

She should have appreciated your time, and every single slice of pizza you paid to her.

You should not worry if what you said about paying half of the ticket ended your relationship.

You see, women are great at making men think they are the faulty ones when actually you have been treating her great all the way long.

She could have take any phrase of you as an excuse to argue and cut the relationship. Even if your intentions where honest and good for both of you.

 

I was in the same place as you are, just a couple months ago. I got dumped from one day to another, and just one day before, things looked like everything was going great.

My brain was in short circuit, thinking in a loop what did I do wrong, what did I say wrong.

I was devastated, lonely, in a town where I didn't know almost anybody, didn't see any light at the end of the tunnel, so I decided to start talking with a therapist.

He helped me realizing that I did nothing wrong.

It wasn't my fault in my case and mate, it isn't your fault in yours.

This woman is not worthy of you, she was just there to have some fun and get some paid dinners until she realized that you were not going to pay her bills forever.

She has her good sides yes, but you too have them mate.

Plus you have the honesty, which is a great quality she lacks.

Be strong, this is a life lesson.

You will go on and who knows what the future will bring.

Edited February 6, 2019 by Maverick01

[skanzer]

@skanzer

 

My friend, I do really understand your situation and how hard it is for you now.

I know, because I have been there before, in similar situations.

You are in a moment now where you are unable to fully think rationally and use your logic.

Your brain is overwhelmed by the emotions.

This is normal.

This is why it's a good idea to get opinions from external people, like here on this forum.

In the emotional state of mind where you are now is easy to make mistakes.

 

Don't blame yourself for the text you sent her while you were drunk. Your emotions where honest. You always have been honest with yourself and with her, and this is what matters the most.

Why you ask yourself what she could think of your message?

She was the first one to misbehave and make mistakes here.

You didn't do any mistake while in the relationship: she should have appreciated what you did for her. It is not like you are obliged to pay everything for her.

She should have appreciated your time, and every single slice of pizza you paid to her.

You should not worry if what you said about paying half of the ticket ended your relationship.

You see, women are great at making men think they are the faulty ones when actually you have been treating her great all the way long.

She could have take any phrase of you as an excuse to argue and cut the relationship. Even if your intentions where honest and good for both of you.

 

I was in the same place as you are, just a couple months ago. I got dumped from one day to another, and just one day before, things looked like everything was going great.

My brain was in short circuit, thinking in a loop what did I do wrong, what did I say wrong.

I was devastated, lonely, in a town where I didn't know almost anybody, didn't see any light at the end of the tunnel, so I decided to start talking with a therapist.

He helped me realizing that I did nothing wrong.

It wasn't my fault in my case and mate, it isn't your fault in yours.

This woman is not worthy of you, she was just there to have some fun and get some paid dinners until she realized that you were not going to pay her bills forever.

She has her good sides yes, but you too have them mate.

Plus you have the honesty, which is a great quality she lacks.

Be strong, this is a life lesson.

You will go on and who knows what the future will bring.

 

This is definitely a life lesson, and sorry that you went through something similar. She didn’t respond to my text, as expected, and any hope of that is hope misfounded. I don’t feel as strongly that stomach wrenching thought that maybe this was all because of me...she cut it off in a very insensitive way, and she has her reasons I guess (that doesn’t justify her disrespect). It still hurts, because it’s almost like I never really knew her, but this is just the way things have to be.

 

I am an honest person, and very straightforward about everything. Whether it’s me being nice, or mean, I just say my feelings. I’m emotional yes, and very rational/analytic about things, but in this case maybe I wasn’t rational/analytic enough to know when to just stop trying...I went a little further than needed to try to save things with this girl, but it was futile. There are better matches for me our there

Edited February 6, 2019 by skanzer

[skanzer]

This is a random comment, but she blocked me on every app except Line (messaging app in Asia that we talk on). I have a feeling, she didn’t block me because she wants to monitor my behavior, and see if I say something stupid that she can involve Japanese police in, like an angry threat or something. She’s concerned just for herself and safety, I don’t know, maybe she thinks I could be a loony. Obviously I would never do anything bad to her in any way.

 

I’m jusy saying this because it’s obvious with her keeping me unblocked, and reading my messages but not replying, that she has no interest to talk, so it made me wonder why she didn’t just block me there too. I might be looking way too much into this and I should really just think about something more productive.

[bathtub-row]

Blocked you on everything else?? Wow, she’s a piece of work.

[skanzer]

Blocked you on everything else?? Wow, she’s a piece of work.

 

From the beginning of the breakup, she blocked me on instagram, facebook, every app except Line (where we message each other). Yet, she never actually messages.

 

Chances are she’s already with another guy, even if its a rebound, who knows, and here I am wasting my time and enegy thinking about this. I feel pathetic!

[Occitanie]

The only way you’ll know if she’s regretting the break up is if she gets in touch with you directly. Until then, move on.

[skanzer]

The only way you’ll know if she’s regretting the break up is if she gets in touch with you directly. Until then, move on.

 

Agreed.

 

Considering all the wrong I've done, in regards to post-break up, I just want to say something here.

 

When someone cuts you off, let them. Say what you have to sincerely say, if anything, in 1 message, keep it short and sweet, and leave it there. If the other person wants to respond, they will.

 

I sent too many messages, paragraphs, pages, whatever you want to call it, and it just wasn't worth it. If she had respect for me, I pretty much gave it up.

 

My experience with this girl was great, in the good times, but in the end I learned, the importance of ALWAYS acting in line with reason, and to not show weakness, ever. Be sincere, but be reserved with your words.

[JuneL]

When she asked to have her stuff back, did you already know that she’s breaking up with you? If yes, why didn’t you talk to her when you saw her (while giving back her stuff) instead of sending her so many messages afterwards?

 

I also agree with a previous poster that she might be very embarrassed to face you after being called out on not contributing financially.

 

In future, after having paid 4-5 times and there’s no sign she might offer to pay in future, you can say something like “Let me get this one; you can get the next one.”

[Normm]

In future, after having paid 4-5 times and there’s no sign she might offer to pay in future, you can say something like “Let me get this one; you can get the next one.”

 

 

That's one way to do it but it's skirting the issue. I've been that guy before, and my way of doing it is to say "look I've paid xx number of times already, and you haven't paid once. Is there an issue I need to know about because I believe in both people sharing equally or at least it not being totally onesided". When I ask the question I am already half expecting her to say "Yeah, no, I don't pay" and the words "goodbye" are already forming on my lips.

 

 

I don't care how hot she is, it's not worth it.

[skanzer]

When she asked to have her stuff back, did you already know that she’s breaking up with you? If yes, why didn’t you talk to her when you saw her (while giving back her stuff) instead of sending her so many messages afterwards?

 

I also agree with a previous poster that she might be very embarrassed to face you after being called out on not contributing financially.

 

In future, after having paid 4-5 times and there’s no sign she might offer to pay in future, you can say something like “Let me get this one; you can get the next one.”

 

Actually, when she said she wanted her stuff, I just said in my mind "good riddance", because I knew I did nothing wrong. It wasn't until afterwards, that I started feeling emotional (I'm not even saying I'm emotionally justified). I said nothing when I saw her, because she showed no interest to speak with me in text, beforehand. She told me "I don't wanna talk anymore", in text, when I tried to speak with her, before her picking up her things.

 

What did I do after? I sent more texts. Her? No response. She cut me off clean, and for good. It's that simple. She was and is sure to be finished with me.

Edited February 6, 2019 by skanzer

[skanzer]

I'm sure one day I will look back at this thread, and chuckle. I am optimistic. She may make another man happy, and be the best wife, but dating is a test, and we didn't survive the test. She left me.

 

I will find someone else, who loves me, and I love as well. I am sure of this

[bathtub-row]

Most guys I’ve dated pay for things. However, whether he’s rich or middle class, I will eventually offer to pay after about 2 or 3 dates. While I like a chivalrous man, I’m very conscious about not making him feel used or taken for granted.

 

Honestly, friend, I don’t give a fig about what you did. Unless it was bonified physical abuse, no one in their right mind treats another human the way she treated you. If she comes crawling back, I hope you don’t weaken in the slightest. I know you can’t see it right now but what she did was show you a very cruel side to her nature.

[skanzer]

Most guys I’ve dated pay for things. However, whether he’s rich or middle class, I will eventually offer to pay after about 2 or 3 dates. While I like a chivalrous man, I’m very conscious about not making him feel used or taken for granted.

 

Honestly, friend, I don’t give a fig about what you did. Unless it was bonified physical abuse, no one in their right mind treats another human the way she treated you. If she comes crawling back, I hope you don’t weaken in the slightest. I know you can’t see it right now but what she did was show you a very cruel side to her nature.

 

Definitely a cruel side was shown. I still don't think she's a horrible person, but to treat me like she did, there is definitely some 'rot' inside of her soul.

 

It was sort of an epiphany, whether or not I have bad/good days ahead...that I can't spend any more thoughts on this girl, it simply is not worth it. There is not a bad chance that she is sleeping in bad with another guy right now, not even thinking of me. Very likely she scoffed, and got annoyed by my message to her, considering her lack of response. I acted like a loser, but I'm not a loser.

 

It's really just time to turn the page, I am excited to meet someone better, who appreciates me love

[skanzer]

Just an update for anyone interested

 

Since coming to Bangkok from Tokyo January 20, I’ve gone on 5 or 6 dates. Not interested in any, but today I met a really sweet girl, and have another date Saturday with her. Not trying to rush back into dating, but it’s helping. Realistically, it won’t be anything serious (maybe) because I return to Tokyo March 10.

 

Another note: every one of these girls insisted on paying half, or contributing something on the dates. I was a little surprised actually...my ex never did this. The girl I went today with, said she’d feel “ashamed” if I paid on her (maybe a little drastic)...I was a little surprised, and appreciative, considering my ex was the complete opposite, never offering. (Sorry if I keep talking about money, I don’t care about money like this, it’s just more the principle and value part)

 

Dating has just opened my eyes to the fact that there are many nice girls out there, and its helping me stop thinking of my ex