joe_35 Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 My gf has been studying abroad for some time now and everything has been going smoothly until now. We are both very happy with each other and are both very much into making it work, especially since she will be back eventually. We have a lot of trust in each other and really appreciate being able to talk to each other a good amount.(a very happy and healthy LDR) We also planned a vacation together for during her break. However, as the time has been going by my bitterness has been growing at a rapid pace. Before she left I told her that I was happy for her and wouldnÂ’t feel any resentment towards her because I felt that sheÂ’d be getting a great experience and gaining a lot. The problem is IÂ’m starting to feel like sheÂ’s really not getting much out of it and it was unnecessary for her to go. Hardly any of her credits are transferring, she may have to take extra classes to graduate on time, she has minimal school work that doesnÂ’t even affect her gpa, and sheÂ’s enrolled in an American run university, so sheÂ’s in classes that are taught in English(weÂ’re American) and strictly with American students. I obviously miss her very much but I keep thinking that sheÂ’s not even getting anything out of it and that her leaving has put pointless stress on us and our relationship. The thought that she went away just to have a good time and do things that she couldÂ’ve otherwise done at home is driving me nuts. I believe it is a selfish way for me to think, but IÂ’m having a awfully hard time mitigating these negative thoughts. IÂ’ve bottled up these feelings for a while until recently lettting it out and I can tell sheÂ’s very upset over it and admits to feeling like it wasnt the right choice to go, but neither of us know what to do now. I believe that weÂ’re responsible for our own happiness, however I am pursuing an advanced degree and have a very tight budget on top of the vacation we booked, so IÂ’m finding it awfully difficult to find somethings to enjoy and to distract myself due to financial constraints. So basically IÂ’m getting bitter/angry/frustrated over the fact that I have to feel so upset and feel that sheÂ’s not even getting anything truly worth it out of being abroad. Constantly I am trying to think of different things that can be good from this but have a hard time. What should I do? What should we talk about? How do I combat these feelings? I feel that this is selfish of me to feel this way but at the same time feel justified to be angry because of the lack of benefits. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 You get lots of kudos for being so self aware. Higher education is not just about academic classes. It includes learning about the world & yourself. While this trip may not be as academically enriching as you would like your GF is gaining a broader world view & independence. It's a trip that will shape her life. If she didn't go, when she hit middle age she'd have deep regrets. Focus on the upcoming trip you are planning. Meanwhile do fun things here at home to expand your own horizons. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted February 9, 2019 Share Posted February 9, 2019 What should I do?Apologize to her, and say that you misjudged the whole experience. Ask her to please forgive you. Then give her space. What should we talk about? Anything you feel like. How do I combat these feelings? Use that time to arrange stuff for your vacation. Link to post Share on other sites
johnabi Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 it might be a good idea Link to post Share on other sites
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