DLB91 Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 So I knew this girl for almost two years and we started sleeping together for about five months. She found out through some friends that I loved her and wanted to move to be with her. She said we need to talk and that she couldn't be that girl. What if you move and things don't work out and I'm the bad guy? I said should we just end this and she said end what? We are just friends. So we didn't see each other for four months. It was a LDR at first and I ended up moving closer to her for my own reasons. We started hanging out again platonically. Things were going well. She showed interest and her frequency of messaging increased she even called me one day. So we're on a date and she asks if I'm going to a party I said maybe. She said well I'm only going if you're going. I said okay let's go and she said she might stay the night. So I had my hopes up we would resume our relationship. We go to the party and uber back to my place. I was very drunk. We got into bed and we just talked. I opened up to her about how I felt. Things escalated and we end up kissing and dry humping. Then she suddenly rolls over to sleep. I knew she didn't want to have sex we had discussed that earlier. I got carried away with touching her and cuddling her. I was drunk and turned on. I just wanted to be close to her again. The next day everything seemed fine. I took her home and we hung out. Later that night she sends me a video about consent. Then she says I'm sorry but I don't think we can be more than friends again... I'm upset with the way you treated me last night and feel sick about it. So I haven't seen her since but we talked a bit and she said she felt pressure to do more sexually which triggered something from her past. I asked her if she wanted more than friends before that night and she said no. I kept persisting for answers and she said she just wanted something causal. She wanted to remain friends but I said I can't because I have feelings for her. I feel used and like I got played. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 You kinda did. If she didn't want sex with a man she'd previously been intimate with she should not have crawled into bed with you. When you confessed your feelings she had to have known what she wanted & deescalated the situation instead of kissing you. At no point do you mention her saying no or pushing you off. When she rolled over I think you got the message. If you pursued her & were cuddling her at that point, that was bad of you. For that you should apologize but don't expect it to fix this. She wanted you around to stoke her ego & now she's annoyed that you are no longer dancing to her tune. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 Just be glad she did not call the cops on you. The fact she needed to send you a consent video is a BIG deal. Being drunk or turned on or "in love" is no excuse. Whether she played you or not is the least of your worries... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 Just be glad she did not call the cops on you. The fact she needed to send you a consent video is a BIG deal. Being drunk or turned on or "in love" is no excuse. Whether she played you or not is the least of your worries... Maybe she needs to watch the video herself. If she didn't want sex, she had the obligation to say no. At the very least she needed to get out of his bed & go sleep on the couch. Before anybody accuses me of blaming the victim, there is such a thing a personal responsibility. I think it's highly improper for this woman to climb in this guy's bed, kiss him, reject him & then cry that he molested her without her consent. She had options other than laying there but she did not exercise any of them. Yes, I realize she was drinking but she wasn't so drunk that she couldn't walk to the couch. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 " I knew she didn't want to have sex we had discussed that earlier." So he already knew she wasn't up for it yet it didn't stop him cuddling and touching her after she suddenly rolled away from him. Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 She is not interested, leave it go. Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 " I knew she didn't want to have sex we had discussed that earlier." So he already knew she wasn't up for it yet it didn't stop him cuddling and touching her after she suddenly rolled away from him. maybe he dosed her with roofies to get her into the uber, drive to his place then dragged her into his bed? Yes they had a conversation, and believe me I firmly agree that no means no, no question about it, but I think she should have taken more proactive steps to keep herself safe. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
traditional Posted February 6, 2019 Share Posted February 6, 2019 Seeing the replies here, perhaps its best for your own wellbeing to stay away as far as possible from this lady. in future you may cuddle and she says nothing until after the deed is done, then she reminds you what she said the other day-and its cuffs. A woman that loves you has sex with you -for you- almost 70% of the time, I think, its only 30% of time that she also wants in most cases. Count your blessings and walk-its not healthy. Link to post Share on other sites
Occitanie Posted February 6, 2019 Share Posted February 6, 2019 Tell her that you don’t want to be just friends, that you’re into her and want something romantic. If she tells you she doesn’t want that say, “Great, let me know if you change your mind” and walk away and never look back. If she ever gets in touch, assume she wants to see you and invite her over to yours for a couple of drinks and/or dinner. Hang out, have fun, hook up. You seem far too fixated on having this girl commit to a relationship, and that may be the reason why she’s like this. Woman want to retain their freedom. As soon as they feel like they’re losing it, that’s when they start backing off and telling you “let’s be friends”. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 If she ever gets in touch, assume she wants to see you and invite her over to yours for a couple of drinks and/or dinner. Hang out, have fun, hook up. Did you actually read the OP? She felt so violated by him she sent him a consent video... She made it perfectly plain sex was off the menu at the start. Do you honestly think she is now open to hooking up... Link to post Share on other sites
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