strawberryn Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 Hello guys, I'm back after 4 months, I came here after my ex broke up with me. Today, I'm back to get some of your point of view. Yesterday (3 february), he texted me to ask his stuff back, we haven't spoken since the break up apart that he wished happy birthday a month ago (3 january). I'm just wondering why he's asking it 4 months later and exactly 1 month after my birthday. Here's the messages: Him: Hi, how are you? I didn't respond. Today he sent a text back: I just wanted to know if I could get my stuff back? Me: Hey, i'm fine and you? I don't think I have anything left. Him: Well. Him: Really? And I respond again. What do you think about it? Link to post Share on other sites
Cersei Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 I think he wants his stuff back. He may think he left something behind. Try not to read more into it than what he said. It will drive you crazy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 I think he wants his stuff back & yesterday he finally felt calm enough to ask for it. He had no idea that it was one month after your birthday & he didn't care. That was not some subliminal message. If you don't have anything that belongs to him then you two have no further reasons to be in touch. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MeadowFlower Posted February 6, 2019 Share Posted February 6, 2019 If you have none of his stuff, then don't respond to him again. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 6, 2019 Share Posted February 6, 2019 I think he thinks there is some of his stuff at your place. Did he tell you what exactly he was looking for? Or did you ask? Link to post Share on other sites
Author strawberryn Posted February 6, 2019 Author Share Posted February 6, 2019 Thank you for your answers! @basil67 well, i told him that i didn’t think there was anything left of his belongings. He asked me if I was sure. And I asked him if he had something in mind and he made me a list of two sweaters. I’m just wondering why he’s asking me 4 months later. I was doing very well and I had accepted the break up. I’m really upset since he texted me. Link to post Share on other sites
traditional Posted February 6, 2019 Share Posted February 6, 2019 You must try to protect yourself, the fact that you mention this means that you still care and therefore it leaves you vulnerable for hurt or abuse. People are cruel-especially the ones that wave the wand of power over you because of your affection for them. They are selfish and brutal, do not care about you or your feelings. This person could just as well be bored, or in a slump with their new lover or it could be just an urge or just for no rational reason. The fact that you managed to cut control is shifting the emotional hold he had on you, and as it goes with us human beings-he just feels entitled the power that he had over you by dumping you and leaving you gasping for him, for some people its a high it gives them daily dose of that kick. For him to ask for things now without which he managed all this time-ahhh-It implies you are holding on to his stuff because you want him so bad and he does not. Do not reply again, do not answer if he calls keep away. Every time he does this (believe me people do it intentionally to keep you in perpetual state of drilling your mind). Keep your power and heal, throw away expectations-better that way. If he wants you-he is a man, it will drive him to come literally crawling without any shame. Until he does that let him go. Shut down totally-give yourself a fighting chance for your wellbeing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author strawberryn Posted February 6, 2019 Author Share Posted February 6, 2019 Hello traditional, Thank you for your reply, it's really relevant. I absolutely know all of this. We haven't seen nor talked to each other for the past 4 months (except that he wished me happy birthday a month ago). What really upsets me is that he is asking for it after all this time and that he's telling me that he's 'doing really well' which he has never said before. It hurts to see that he's good without me, and that he comes after all this time to destabilize me... So I asked him if he knew what was missing and I told him that i would look for it (still haven't done it haha). He sent me his list and thanked me. I didn't open the messages and didn't answer to it. I won't contact him again. What should I do next and what will come next? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 6, 2019 Share Posted February 6, 2019 You're dragging this out unnecessarily. What you should do next is look for the sweaters & then mail them to him. After that you will have no reason to be in touch & you can fully concentrate on your own healing. If it upsets you so much to think he's doing well without you, consider the idea that even if he was hurting he certainly wouldn't tell you that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author strawberryn Posted February 6, 2019 Author Share Posted February 6, 2019 I know, you're right! I'm sorry, I look miserable but writing on the forum makes me feel better.. If it upsets you so much to think he's doing well without you, consider the idea that even if he was hurting he certainly wouldn't tell you that. Once again you're right, I haven't thought of this 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 6, 2019 Share Posted February 6, 2019 This forum is a great place to be miserable. We're here to listen & help if we can. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author strawberryn Posted February 7, 2019 Author Share Posted February 7, 2019 Thank you very much! For now, I'm just trying to forget about all of this and trying to keep some distance from my phone! Link to post Share on other sites
Occitanie Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 Sounds like he just wants his stuff back, whatever it is. Men are simple and straightforward, if he wanted you back, he would have at least asked you out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author strawberryn Posted February 7, 2019 Author Share Posted February 7, 2019 I'm back as my ex just texted me again and asked me if I looked for his stuff. I'm feeling really depressed and anxious today and I'm absolutely not willing to respond.. Link to post Share on other sites
nodramallama Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 Ok, now you have 2 choices. Either look for them and mail them to him (as Donnivain suggested) if you have them, or... Don't look for them if it causes you too much inner turmoil, and just tell him they aren't there. (They are just sweaters and easily replaceable.) In both cases, this should end any need for him to contact you. I may have missed it, but why haven't you blocked him yet? Link to post Share on other sites
Author strawberryn Posted February 7, 2019 Author Share Posted February 7, 2019 @nodramallama Well, we didn't end on bad term. We hugged each other just before saying goodbye. Link to post Share on other sites
fieldoflavender Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 It's kind of rude to ask someone 4 months after for a sweater. Just buy a new one unless your grandmother hand knitted it or something. Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 I'm just wondering why he's asking it 4 months later and exactly 1 month after my birthday. He texted exactly 1 month after your birthday? That might matter. Was that the same day as a lunar eclipse? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nodramallama Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 @nodramallama Well, we didn't end on bad term. We hugged each other just before saying goodbye. Okay, but having him text you 4 months later after no contact (or a few breadcrumbs from him) is still causing you inner turmoil, right? This is where you need to take care of yourself and put your emotional needs first, which is why I asked if you had blocked him. That's the only way you know for sure he can't text you out of the blue and cause you angst. Link to post Share on other sites
Author strawberryn Posted February 8, 2019 Author Share Posted February 8, 2019 @fieldoflavender I know right? He should have asked for it the first weeks following the break up.. In fact, I have one of his sweaters I just don't want to stay in touch nor see him.. @Normm Yes, he texted me for my birthday (3rd Jan) and then on sunday (3rd feb). I don't think there was a lunar eclipse that day.. @nodramallama Yes, of course! Each time he texted me, I wasn't even thinking of him. I was in Berlin to celebrate my birthday when he first texted me and I've met someone else so yeah I wasn't really thinking of him and was having a good time. I then started to forget about that text and texted me again.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 8, 2019 Share Posted February 8, 2019 Thank you for your answers! @basil67 well, i told him that i didn’t think there was anything left of his belongings. He asked me if I was sure. And I asked him if he had something in mind and he made me a list of two sweaters. I’m just wondering why he’s asking me 4 months later. I was doing very well and I had accepted the break up. I’m really upset since he texted me. I can see why he wants his sweaters as it's been cold and it is winter. If you don't have them then just tell him so. I don't think he was trying to do anything other than get his sweaters. If it upsets you tell him you don't have them then block him from ever contacting you again. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 8, 2019 Share Posted February 8, 2019 @fieldoflavender I know right? He should have asked for it the first weeks following the break up.. In fact, I have one of his sweaters I just don't want to stay in touch nor see him.. Oh well if you do have one of his sweaters send it back to him. You don't have to talk to him or see him. Then block. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 8, 2019 Share Posted February 8, 2019 @nodramallama Well, we didn't end on bad term. We hugged each other just before saying goodbye. If this is the case mail his sweater to him and let it be over. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author strawberryn Posted February 9, 2019 Author Share Posted February 9, 2019 Hi guys, I texted him today after 2 days. Me: I have one of your sweaters. Him: Oh really, that's strange. Him: Ok, thank you very much. But he hasn't told anything about giving him that sweater back.. I'm tired of him.. hahaha Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 9, 2019 Share Posted February 9, 2019 Just mail it to him and block him this time. Link to post Share on other sites
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