Twistedlove Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 I’ve been dating this married man for over a year. I was married as well in the beginning stages up to about a few months ago. My separation was not due to the affair (nor with my husband or myself) in the beginning of mine and OM relationship I did not get jealous. I was aware that him and his wife only had sex once or twice a month. OM and I were friends to begin with. I know their sex life sucks, she won’t even give him blow jobs because she thinks it’s gross, she also hates sex. As bad as being on her phone and just letting him **** her and telling him to hurry up. As far and mine and his sex , it is amazing , passionate , his stamina is crazy since he always has to hurry you would let think he could last. He’s about pleasing as I am. My problem is I get super crazy jealous thinking of him having sex with his wife. I pretty much obsesse over it. To the point where I ask him daily. I have even asked him to tell me if they do. He gets so upset because he knows when it does happen ( his wife will throw a bone out there) thinking he has went the entire month without affection and they do it. He knows if he tells me it will cause a big fight. As far as I know it’s a hurry up and get it over with kind of sex. Anyone else get super crazy. How cliche huh. He tells me I act like he’s cheating on me. Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 Not sure what you are looking for here. You're in an affair with a married man. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 (edited) First things first, married men don’t “date.” And again, not sure what you are looking for... He is married, you are having an affair... If anyone is driving out of their lane here, it is you. His wife, when she is in his bed, is exactly where she is supposed to be... He must be feeling pretty pleased with himself... Not only does he have his choice of partner, but everytime he has sex with one, he gets a massive ego boost (in the form of a jealous outburst) from the other. If you can’t deal with your feeling when you married “boyfriend” has sex with his wife, you shouldn’t be “dating” a married man. Find someone single to date. Edited February 4, 2019 by BaileyB 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 (edited) Sex with him rocks, wife hates sex, the quality of the sex with wife sucks, but he keeps having sex twice a month with wife. You being sold a load of a manure and buying it daily. Edited February 4, 2019 by Simple Logic 5 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 BaileyB made a good point when she noticed you said "dating". There is a huge difference between singles dating and the world of extramarital sex. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 I would think it would be rather easy for the MM to not have sex with his wife since she hates sex and won't do blow jobs. Why does he bother her about having sex with him if she doesn't want to do it? Why isn't he just happy that you are the only one he has to have sex with? Do you know how many MM tell this lie? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 I know their sex life sucks, she won’t even give him blow jobs because she thinks it’s gross, she also hates sex. As bad as being on her phone and just letting him **** her and telling him to hurry up. You don't know that, HE told you that. Setting up a competition between the OW and the wife is par for the course for many MM. The OW's ego is flying high, she is prettier, more intelligent, sexier, more fun , more exciting than the dingy boring harridan he has for a wife. She sticks around as one day he is bound to leave the wife and choose her, why wouldn't he? BUT... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 BUT... He’s still having sex with his wife, regularly. So, life at home can’t be all bad... or he wouldn’t be having regular sex with his boring wife, who doesn’t like sex and won’t give the poor guy a single blow job... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Turning point Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 TwistedLove, There isn't anything I can say in this post that you do not already know deep down inside. Sex with his wife is every bit as AMAZING as it is with you. He is who he is and if he's good with you - he's good with her too. It's plainly intuitive. Knowing this makes us feel foolish, and it will manifest as anger because we know we have control over the situation but, we don't exercise it. He's not with you due to a lack of good sex. He's with you to get an abundance of good sex. It bothers you because your gut is telling you that you're dessert not the main course. You and I both know that people's sexual expression is physically rather consistent. We just like what we like. On the phone? We have all at one time or another interrupted our play to take a call - and then we go right back to wildly screwing. If his wife hated sex they'd be in a sexless marriage or divorced. No man dutifully steps forward to be milked once a month. Your a big girl and this is not "dating" it's some strange on the side. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs._December Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 I’ve been dating this married man for over a year. Dating? You mean like going out to dinner, going out for drinks, going to the movies, going to miniature golf, going to museums, seeing a play, going on picnics, going to concerts, etc. etc. etc? As far and mine and his sex , it is amazing , passionate , his stamina is crazy since he always has to hurry you would let think he could last. He’s about pleasing as I am.This statement confuses me. How can he be about 'pleasing you' when you claim in the same breath that your sex is always HURRIED so he basically has to go at it like a jack rabbit? I don't understand. But it kind of sounds like the same type of sex he's having with his wife because you claim she makes him do it quickly to get it over with. Isn't that what he's doing with you as well, hurrying because his time is so limited? As the others have mentioned, if sex with his wife is just so awful and boring, why is he still jumping on the gravy train at home when he gets the chance. Methinks like most OW, you haven't been given the whole story.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Twistedlove Posted February 4, 2019 Author Share Posted February 4, 2019 I meant hurried with his wife because she doesn’t like sex. We have sex for like two hours literally. My friend is really good friends with his wife and so it’s know she doesn’t like sex. She tells people all around she hates sex and it’s gross. Maybe they do have amazing sex when they do??!! I don’t honestly know. We were both married to begin with and I told him my husband and I had good sex. I was always honest with him as he has been with me as far as telling each other things. He doesn’t even wanna tell me when I ask because he doesn’t feel right divulging info that even seems half way bad on her. I know he loves her. I know I am to blame here just as he is. We have been trying to end things on a off for a year. I’m the single one now and I am free to do what I want and I do. Not looking for sympathy I know I’m in the wrong. I know it’s the whole “it’s different” he different” but in all honestly we are straight forward with one another. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Twistedlove Posted February 4, 2019 Author Share Posted February 4, 2019 And also we were caught in this affair about 7 months ago , we stopped for a month and then he contacted me. We didn’t have sex for another three months after that. We literally are just best friends who talk. He knows if he’s caught again she will not forgive him. I’m not trying to destroy his life. I honestly just want him happy Link to post Share on other sites
Author Twistedlove Posted February 4, 2019 Author Share Posted February 4, 2019 Before our affair they have gone 6 months with no sexual contact. He stays because he loves her and he loves his kids. He said sex is just a bonus, obviously he doesnt like the no sexual contact that’s why we ended up in bed. I wasn’t the single naive girl that was falling for a married mans excuses I was the married one too. He is religious too but obviously since committing Aldurity he has step down from that Role. He is still spiritual and they go to church as I do weekly Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 He doesn’t even wanna tell me when I ask because he doesn’t feel right divulging info that even seems half way bad on her. He doesn’t feel good divulging this information, but he has no problem engaging in behavior that is hurtful and may well destroy his wife. He knows if he’s caught again she will not forgive him. I’m not trying to destroy his life. I honestly just want him happy If that were really true, you wouldn’t be enabling him to do something that has the ability to destroy his life... Look, I don’t mean to be harsh. It’s just, you are so deep into the affair fog, you can’t even see the headlights of the train that’s about to hit you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 Before our affair they have gone 6 months with no sexual contact. He stays because he loves her and he loves his kids. He said sex is just a bonus, obviously he doesnt like the no sexual contact that’s why we ended up in bed. I wasn’t the single naive girl that was falling for a married mans excuses I was the married one too. He is religious too but obviously since committing Aldurity he has step down from that Role. He is still spiritual and they go to church as I do weekly Oh, even better. He is a religious man, but he has obviously fallen from grace... Twistedlove, your affair is textbook. You apparently are a very naive married girl who has totally fallen for a married man’s excuses. Do some reading on this site, you will learn that there is nothing unique or special about this relationship. It is textbook married man talk and your comments are textbook other woman rationalization... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 If you are interested in doing a little reading, may I suggest that you start here... https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/other-man-woman/667274-never-thought-i-d-ow-long-post 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Twistedlove Posted February 4, 2019 Author Share Posted February 4, 2019 I never said it was different than most affairs. I’m sure a lot of affair fall under the same line. Funny just like OM said how when he was involved in the church he came across an man in the church who had fallen from grace and started an affair. He mentored the guy into saving his marriage or at least trying to and told him he would have to step down until he has gotten right with the lord again. Then a year later he find himself in the same situations, my point is you can judge and point your finger all you want and make people like me feel like they are less of a person for their sins. But we all sin and your sin isn’t any better then mine. Be careful where you point that finger because it may be pointing at you sometime in your lifetime or your children’s lifetime Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 You are not literally just best friends who talk. You are literally affair partners who lie and deceive. He deceives his wife very easily so no reason to think he'd be 100% honest with you. You don't want him to be happy. If that were true you wouldn't be upset because he has sex with his wife. Happy people have sex with their spouse but you don't want him to have sex with his wife, you want him to be miserable at home so you can feel special. If his wife hates sex so much then why are they even doing it at all? I mean he must really have to pursue her and wear her down to get into her pants. Women who find sex gross are not easy to bed so your MM must really pull out all the stops to get at her. Seems weird that he would put so much effort just so he can have sex that he supposedly doesn't even enjoy. You'd think that since she is so awful he'd happily let her never have sex with him again. It's really none of your business when he has sex with his wife. Just take a moment and reflect on the absurdity of your relationship. Most women insist that their boyfriend not be married and that they not have sex with any other woman EVER. You're requirement is that your boyfriend must tell you when he has sex with his wife and you ask him everyday. Good grief! How is this not beneath you? What is the point of this? He clearly does not plan to leave his wife and if she tries to leave him he will pursue her hard. You will always be his hidden side piece, pathetically asking him if he's had sex with his wife. Is this who you want to be? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 my point is you can judge and point your finger all you want and make people like me feel like they are less of a person for their sins. But we all sin and your sin isn’t any better then mine. Be careful where you point that finger because it may be pointing at you sometime in your lifetime or your children’s lifetime I’m not saying that you are a less of a person. I’m saying that you are making a very poor choice. We are trying to help you to see you how distorted your thinking is, so that you can hopefully make a better choice for your life. Your self-righteous anger is understandable, but misguided. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 Somehow you need to accept that he still has sex with his wife if you choose to stay in the affair. Or end it. He isn't going to stop having sex with her because it upsets you. He isn't obligated to you. At least he's being up front about it, many MM tell their OW's that they never have sex with their wives. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Bittersweetie Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 I’m not saying that you are a less of a person. I’m saying that you are making a very poor choice. We are trying to help you to see you how distorted your thinking is, so that you can hopefully make a better choice for your life. Your self-righteous anger is understandable, but misguided. I agree with Bailey here. When I was in my A, I did all kinds of mental gymnastics in order to make my choices "okay." I mentally rewrote stuff about my husband, about OM and his family, about myself...I created a narrative that fit my actions so that I didn't actually have to face my actions. It's mind-boggling what I told myself, so I didn't have to admit I made a colossal error in judgment. You are deep in a fog...some time away from OM would help clear your head. Is there any way you can "step off" for a couple of weeks? Take some time for yourself and step away from the drama so you can decide how best to move forward? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 If his wife hates sex so much then why are they even doing it at all? I mean he must really have to pursue her and wear her down to get into her pants. Women who find sex gross are not easy to bed so your MM must really pull out all the stops to get at her. Seems weird that he would put so much effort just so he can have sex that he supposedly doesn't even enjoy. You'd think that since she is so awful he'd happily let her never have sex with him again. This^^^reminds me of my cousin who was having an affair on his wife and she finally smartened up and left him. He was crying about it to me and I told him he never should have cheated and he said "Yeah, but all of the times I was having sex with the other women I always wished it was with _______(his wife). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 This certainly is twisted "love." Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 Why are you cheating on your husband? Link to post Share on other sites
Vivir Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 He was crying about it to me and I told him he never should have cheated and he said "Yeah, but all of the times I was having sex with the other women I always wished it was with _______(his wife). The cousin in this situation needs a backhanded slap directly across the face. I think if xMM had ever in his life uttered these words to me, the fog I had been in would've immediately lifted and my healing time might've been cut down drastically. I can imagine slapping someone for this! And I tend to shy away from violence! Why are you cheating on your husband? The original poster is recently divorced, though I am sure she will return soon enough and enlighten us by answering why she began cheating on her husband before they actually divorced... or maybe not and we can fill in the blanks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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