pepperbird Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 T Also, she is just as bad at this point....just saying there is a lot of blame to spread around. Yeah, it's so bad at home with the big, bad wifey that poor widdle mm has no choice to cheat. Poor baby! Let;s give him a cup of warm milk, a pat on the head and send him back to bed. :laugh: This guy's just a typical cheater. Nothing more, nothing less. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 That ain't gonna happen. The courts don't care about adultery...it is not illegal. The divorce is a simple contract matter. Also, she is just as bad at this point....just saying there is a lot of blame to spread around. Child support and alimony have put many a man in the poor house. Doesn't have to have anything specific to do with adultery. Link to post Share on other sites
lolita888 Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 Every time you will think of the pain you are in, how unfair it is that he didn't choose you over her, feel betrayed and used and all. Just think of his BW. Compare your pain to hers and think of how painful it is to find her husband cheated on her again with the same woman. I really wish that she will just divorce her husband and don't accept him anymore. Or at least he will live up to his guilt this time and never cheat on her again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Twistedlove Posted March 9, 2019 Author Share Posted March 9, 2019 I didn’t answer the call at that time but I did call her back and she basically told me to fu k off and I’m a lair and a manipulator, which I don’t blame her to be angry and hate me. I didn’t expect anything else. I have not talk to him in two days. Or maybe three. I tried calling him today because I had a weak moment and I called three times and he usual answers but didn’t. He has not been a gym owner but the last year and a half. Actually the whole time of our affair. He has not cheated with anyone else. I know this because he couldn’t even handle our affair and the guilt let alone having one before. I honestly don’t believe he would have another affair. I think he will try this time if he is given the opportunity but I don’t know if he will truly be fulfilled. I do think of her pain. But it seems she has not and she hardly Had any the first time. I don’t know Why she would stay in her marriage . She is religious as well, so that would be the k my Reason. And of course that she loves him. When we talked outside it was the day of his confession. He wasn’t even sure what was going on, he was in turmoil over everything. Yes turmoil he cause , we caused. If this was my family I would hate them both. I would be disgusted. I have been praying a lot and handing it to god. I know he has too. Everyone can put their two cents in on what you think he is and what you think our relationship is but I know so it really doesn’t bother me.’ I def know he wouldn’t start this up with me again. He never lied and said he didn’t love his wife, or family. He wants it to work. He was against the wall. I know he didn’t want to be responsible for hurting either one of us but knew someone would be hurt. I evnever been in their house not was it in their drive way he walked down the street to my car not that it makes a difference and I would 100 % talk to her but she doesn’t want to. She doesn’t believe anything I have to say. Tho I Have a lot of proof , he confessed it all to her counseling and I m ow he did because if it wants it to work he can’t leave anything out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Twistedlove Posted March 9, 2019 Author Share Posted March 9, 2019 In the text she did reply with David told me all the details every bit of it and I’m disgusted. Do not contact me again. You both disgust me. My text to Her was . I couldn’t pick up the phone because I was working which David told her and I’m willing to give her any info she needs or just talk with her. She said she doesn’t give a f what I have to say. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 9, 2019 Share Posted March 9, 2019 You seem to have anger towards his wife more than at him! Look he has lied and manipulated you both. Have compassion for her and forget him. If she calls in the future apologize for your part in hurting her and helping him betray her in the worst way. He fed you both in the heat of the moment lies/lines. Who knows what is true. But.. He is where he wants to be. As painful as it is for you, stop contacting him. He's decided to stay married and the more you try to call him, be friends etc the more you're gonna hurt. Focus on grieving the loss and being kind to yourself. No need to self abuse and make yourself feel worse than you already do. Reach out to good friends and family, keep busy and get lots of exercise so you can sleep at night. Link to post Share on other sites
Orokotikki Posted March 9, 2019 Share Posted March 9, 2019 In the text she did reply with David told me all the details every bit of it and I’m disgusted. Do not contact me again. You both disgust me. My text to Her was . I couldn’t pick up the phone because I was working which David told her and I’m willing to give her any info she needs or just talk with her. She said she doesn’t give a f what I have to say. This is a very fresh wound. She is incredibly hurt and angry at you and her husband right now. This is probably the most traumatic and painful thing she has experienced. Imagine if you had accidentally ran over and killed her child while texting in the car. That is probably about where she is at right now. If they do work towards R she may reach out to you at some point, but don't be surprised if she doesn't. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted March 9, 2019 Share Posted March 9, 2019 I know you think you and your MM share the greatest love of all time but I'm not at all convinced that so much deceit and ugliness can truly be about love. Up until yesterday this whole thread has mostly been about the hot sex. Your jealous when he has sex with his wife. He doesn't enjoy sex with her but sex with you is amazing. He has sex with you for literally hours. He only has with his wife twice a month but he has sex with you 4 times a week. His wife is not sexual but you are very sexual, etc, etc. Just post after post talking about the sex. Women mistake lust and passion and hot sex for love quite often. Yes, yes, I know you say you and your MM also have deep conversations and terrible arguments and have cried together, and all that, but that's just more passion, which fuels the sex, which gets mistaken for true love. It's a type of love but it's not the kind of love that has deep roots or a strong foundation. Over the top passionate highly sexually charged relationships usually go down in flames even when they occur between 2 single people, because they are volatile relationships by their very nature and they cannot be sustained longterm. Your experience is not unique. I bet many a poster here has experienced the same kind of passionate deeply emotional and unstable relationship you have had with the MM, including myself. They don't last. They are not meant to last. The participants bond over the sex, the agony of whatever circumstances and obstacles are keeping them from being together, the euphoria of being together and the exquisite pain of being apart. It hurts so good. It's all incredibly romantic and addictive but it cannot last. No couple can keep up that level of all encompassing emotional passion for years on end. Love within the confines of marriage and family is much different. It involves shared experiences, making sacrafices, taking care of each other and the kids, paying bills, putting up with in laws, dealing with misfortunes, having squabbles and finding compromises, overlooking faults and forgiving misdeeds. Alas! Marital love can be rather boring and how hum. Occasionally the spark gets reignited and there are bursts of passion and romance, but the married couple cannot spend hours talking and crying together, they cannot have marathon sex sessions several times a week. It's not practical. Somebody has to make dinner, and do the chores, and make the kids do their homework. The only reason your MM had so much time to devote to your sexy time was because his wife was picking up his slack. So much of married life is routine, doing the same things day in and day out. It has to be in order to run the family successfully. When you love your family you honor your daily responsibilities of taking care of the household. That's pretty boring but it's also love. It's the kind of love that has deep roots and strong bonds. It's the kind of love that builds families and keeps people together. Your MM is in love with the excitement, the sex, the passion you bring into his life. You give him a vacation from the boring routine of being married and raising kids and meeting his responsibilities but as much as he's addicted to what you offer somewhere inside he knows that what he has with you is not reality, its escapism. I'm sure you don't agree but I'm also sure that one day you will. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted March 9, 2019 Share Posted March 9, 2019 ^^^^^^^^ so totally true! Sooner or later real life sets in. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Twistedlove Posted March 9, 2019 Author Share Posted March 9, 2019 I’ve done real life , I mean I was married for 14 years. That’s so scary for me to know the passion doesn’t stay. Why why can’t it stay and I’m talking about commuted relationships. I think I could have kept the love and passion for my husband but what slowly disgusted me was his temper and the abuse. I know she’s hurting and I do have empathy. As much empathy as I Can as I’m grieving a relationship as well. Wrong or right it was a relationship and I am almost 40 I know what love is. I am not mistaking list with love. Maybe later I will realize the kind of love if what you say is true but I will always have love for him. We were in it together I can’t say he’s any worst of a person then me. If I am mad it’s because he wa any best friend and now he’s gone. We had sex and a lot of it and it was good. My husband and I had good sex. Just like my AP said the passion is in me and I can experience with that with anyone if I choose to Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 9, 2019 Share Posted March 9, 2019 I am not mistaking list with love. Maybe later I will realize the kind of love if what you say is true but I will always have love for him. You have most definitely confused love and lust. Hot sex does not equal love. You will no doubt disagree, but a man who loves a woman would not do what he has done to his wife, or to you. This man doesn’t know how to love. His interest is very self serving. But then again, so was yours... At best, he is confused and lack morals/boundaries. At worst, he has used you in the worst way a man can use a woman... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LIRR88 Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 (edited) Twistedlove, I’m not going to judge you because I’m basically in the same boat, hopelessly in love with a MM that’s probably never gonna leave his wife. I am also church going and I have been researching soul ties. My lent resolution is to go NC with my MM, at least 4 days out of the week, maybe longer if the Lord gives me strength and self control. I will leave you with this “when you go through deep waters I will be with you” Isaiah 43:2. Pray everyday that God rebukes from your life what wasn’t sent by him. I wish you luck on your journey. Edited March 10, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed commercial URL 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Twistedlove Posted March 10, 2019 Author Share Posted March 10, 2019 Twistedlove, I’m not going to judge you because I’m basically in the same boat, hopelessly in love with a MM that’s probably never gonna leave his wife. I am also church going and I have been researching soul ties. My lent resolution is to go NC with my MM, at least 4 days out of the week, maybe longer if the Lord gives me strength and self control. I will leave you with this “when you go through deep waters I will be with you” Isaiah 43:2. Pray everyday that God rebukes from your life what wasn’t sent by him. I wish you luck on your journey. Thank you so much. You just made me cry, well cry again for the day. I have been praying a lot for everyone. Ooh I research that at one point too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Twistedlove Posted March 10, 2019 Author Share Posted March 10, 2019 You have most definitely confused love and lust. Hot sex does not equal love. You will no doubt disagree, but a man who loves a woman would not do what he has done to his wife, or to you. This man doesn’t know how to love. His interest is very self serving. But then again, so was yours... At best, he is confused and lack morals/boundaries. At worst, he has used you in the worst way a man can use a woman... I don’t agree with you, how can you tell someone how they feel. It may not be the right way to love but it still can be love. He doesn’t lack morals, he was raised with his parents as ministers. Him and his wife didn’t even have sex (he wasn’t a virgin she was ) for over a year after they were married. Just as his wife use to confused his needs , she just thought he wanted sex when in reality he wanted the connection and to feel loved and wanted and appreciated. Not everyone everyone falls into the same category here. You women are jaded and been on this website too long. Quit being so judgmental and try and help women or the men. By telling them everyone is the same is not helping them. It may have similarities , it may all fall under the same in an affair but not everyone are ******* players. Some people are just human and made a mistake. I have never cheated on anyone in my life u till my husband. I’m almost 40. So yes it can happen and it most certainly happened with my AP. He never cheated. He sucked at cheating. He cried every day and had anxiety. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 You're in the early stages of "love" and no one can tell you you're not "in love". However, love that is a long term bond is quite different for the vast vast majority of people. Very few couples are still "going at it like rabbits" after 10 years. You have almost certainly not been with your AP long enough to know how well you would actually be compatible long term in a marriage. One really doesn't know until they actually marry and live together for multiple years. And you're unlikely to ever find out unless he both leaves his wife and stays with you - neither are guaranteed. I don't think these main points are untrue and I think they actually do apply to you. I'm not out to judge you, but I think it's stating a fact that your and his actions are putting his marriage at risk. It may feel wonderful right now, but at some point you are going to start to ask yourself what kind of real future is in all of this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Twistedlove Posted March 10, 2019 Author Share Posted March 10, 2019 Yes early stages of love are the best and also not having all the other complications is what makes it so alluring too. I just wish real life could be like that. Maybe once you’re older and the kids are grown. I’ve actually known him for over ten years , acquaintance. I know we will never be together now. Over his wife’s dead body even if they divorce and understandably so. It really makes me sad tho. Above anything else he was my best friend. I told him more than my own girlfriends. I think one thing too was he was the only man I’ve cried with as him crying with me .My husband of 14 years I saw cry once. But like a tears or too with David I’ve seen him booo Hooo hop cry. He told Me about awful things too that happened to him as a child from a families close friend. He’s never even talked to deeply with his wife about that and how it’s effected him. I encouraged him to talk to his counselor about it. I mean for goodness sake this guy can’t even masterbate he hides that as well because he knows she thinks people are gross who do that. Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted March 11, 2019 Share Posted March 11, 2019 Child support and alimony have put many a man in the poor house. Doesn't have to have anything specific to do with adultery. Thanks for repeating what I said. Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted March 11, 2019 Share Posted March 11, 2019 (edited) II am almost 40 I know what love is. I am not mistaking list with love. Maybe later I will realize the kind of love if what you say is true but I will always have love for him. Yes, but he doesn't love you. He really, really REALLY doesn't love you, and you don't really love him,. I know that hurts to hear, and you'll come up with a million reasons to prove me wrong, but ask yourself this... who do you love? you don't even know this guy, not really. You love the image of him you have built up in your mind. you love what you wish he was and what you wish he could be, but madam, that isn't him. About his loving you? Meh. I doubt it. I doubt he even knows what "love" is. His sort of"love" is the selfish kind that isn't capable of putting someone else's needs first. Who knows...maybe that's what drew you to each other in the first place. As for your empathy for his wife? Don't bother. Your empathy is worthless, and it's all about you feeling better about yourself and what you're doing than it's actually about her. This way, you can salve your conscience by saying " wait...I'm not a bad person! I can empathize!" It's like a man saying he feels bad for the puppy while he kicks it. Save your breath, as you aren't fooling anyone. Edited March 11, 2019 by pepperbird Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted March 11, 2019 Share Posted March 11, 2019 Yes, but he doesn't love you. He really, really REALLY doesn't love you, and you don't really love him,. As for your empathy for his wife? Don't bother. Your empathy is worthless, and it's all about you feeling better about yourself and what you're doing than it's actually about her. This way, you can salve your conscience by saying " wait...I'm not a bad person! I can empathize!" It's like a man saying he feels bad for the puppy while he kicks it. Save your breath, as you aren't fooling anyone. Affairs aren't "love". They cannot be love because they aren't rooted in reality and real life. They are fantasy. People in affairs are thinking solely of themselves and how "good" they feel in their little affair bubble. There is no room in that for love. And please...leave the betrayed wife alone. And spare the 'i feel bad for her' nonsense. No you don't or you wouldn't have been f*cking her husband. Link to post Share on other sites
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