Songbird4 Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 The heart can love more than one person. The heart just loves it doesn’t know a piece of paper. Sometimes a person comes along and it’s out of your control but that doesn’t mean you’re a band person. The piece of paper that you say your heart doesn’t know is a piece of paper that might mean the world to the person being cheated on. My husband had an emotional affair. We had a great sex life and a good marriage. I’m fit and keep myself looking good yet he strayed. He told the OW that his marriage was horrible. That was news to me. He said what he could to get her sympathetic to his situation so she’d continue feeding his ego. If I were you I’d move on and heal your heart. Get out of the mess that the MM and you are in. It will never end up the way you want. And you’ll continue hurting the W and yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 The heart can love more than one person. The heart just loves it doesn’t know a piece of paper. Sometimes a person comes along and it’s out of your control but that doesn’t mean you’re a band person. Really? I'm sure this is what you said to your husband and his OW after their affair, you know the affair you say broke up your own marriage! As for it being out of your control, what a load of nonsense. Yes people feel attraction or even infatuation but as an adult with full control over their actions and yes a sense of morality they choose not to act on them! You made a choice, this affair is not some fated love story, you inserted yourself into someone else's marriage. You've been asked at least twice how you can do this to another woman after being betrayed yourself but you haven't answered. You continue to disparage this woman who is the victim in this. I still believe you're hoping for DDay 2 in the belief she'll throw him out and he'll come running to you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lolita888 Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 (edited) To be honest. I understand what you are feeling right now OP. You are madly in love with him. You fell for him so hard - feeling jealous over his wife is normal. Wanting him to be yours is also a normal feeling. You do not have to be the OW just to feel that, when you fall in love that's how it goes. It may be true that he is not satisfied with his wife. And it may be true that he is in love with you (that also happens a lot) but that's the biggest problem here in this kind of situation. Deep inside that life there is that painful reality - that he belongs to someone else. It may be a piece of paper but that piece of paper is strong enough to hold him back from going to you. He may not be happy with the way their sexual relationship goes and he may be happier when he is with you. But at the end of the day, he still choose to stay with her. He still cannot leave her. He found a way to satisfy himself and to make himself happy but what does it really do? It just gave him enough strength to stay with his wife to endure that kind of sexual relationship with her. He need not to leave her because he have you to satisfy him and make him happy. She is the woman whom he choose to spent his life with. The woman whom he shared his dreams with. The woman who saw him in his ups and downs. The woman whom he shared his happiness with when they had their first born and shared the happiness of having their dream house built. They have history together and that bond is something that wouldn't be easy to break especially now that his wife found out about it. He had the chance to escape that life but he choose not to -it's his decision to stay. His wife could leave him but she choose not to - it's also her decision to stay. None of them wanted to leave, but instead they are trying to fix it. She may never be able to satisfy her and make him happy as much as you do. But that still doesn't change the fact that he choose to keep their marriage. And as long as they are married - sex can happen. Everything he said may be true. He may love his wife but no in love with her. He may be in love with you. But in the end, that love is still not enough for him to throw their marriage away. In the end he choose to endure his life with her. My advise to you OP is to make yourself as busy as you can. If you cannot leave him then just don't put all your attention to his life with his wife, just keep pouring all the love you have for him (until you've had enough). His wife is enduring it all, so why can't you? You do not want him to think that his wife is the most patient woman in the world and deserve none of this. So endure this pain, because staying in that relationship is your choice. But if you can, then try to get away from that relationship. Do it slowly though so it won't be too hard on you.If you can have two jobs then do it.Anything that will get your mind out of him and his wife; so that you wouldn't get eaten by jealousy. Don't focus too much on him because you might regret it in the end. Have a goal of what you want to do: "I will save money to buy this house. I will travel in this place someday" - Anything. Because his wife already found out about it -things will start to change between you and him. It will never be easy for him. Edited February 7, 2019 by lolita888 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 The heart can love more than one person. The heart just loves it doesn’t know a piece of paper. Sometimes a person comes along and it’s out of your control but that doesn’t mean you’re a band person. Your attempts to justify the affair are really sad... as is your unwillingness to accept any responsibility for the decisions that you make. That piece of paper that you so casually dismiss legally binds one person to another. I doubt that you would be so causal if you were the one holding the piece of paper. But let’s say the piece of paper means nothing - you mention that you are both church going people - did not the same happen when he stood in front of God and church and vowed to love his wife until the day she died... how do you rationalize that? This affair is not “our of your control.” You made a purposeful decision to have sex with another woman’s husband. Any consequences that you experience, including your own pain and heartbreak, are a direct result of the decision you made to get involved with another woman’s husband. You have not only drunk the Koolaid, you are trying to sell it to anyone who will buy. The thing is, nobody here is buying what you are selling... Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 I don't understand why he's not just getting a divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 I don't understand why he's not just getting a divorce. I wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that he is a church leader, and divorcing your wife to be with your affair partner would not be easily accepted by his family, community, and church. Or perhaps, he does love his wife and it is more than just duty sex two times a month... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 This is yet another thread where the op claims to love their mm. While I can understand that they think they love them, they really don't. She doesn't love "him", she loves who she thinks he is. She has a built in excuse for his shortcomings- his wife and marriage! This is part of why I think so many post-affair relationships end for mm/mw and om/ow. Once the marriage is gone and it's just an ordinary relationship, that built in excuse and buffer is gone. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 This is yet another thread where the op claims to love their mm. While I can understand that they think they love them, they really don't. She doesn't love "him", she loves who she thinks he is. She has a built in excuse for his shortcomings- his wife and marriage! This is part of why I think so many post-affair relationships end for mm/mw and om/ow. Once the marriage is gone and it's just an ordinary relationship, that built in excuse and buffer is gone. Haha, true. Most affair relationships are purely complimentary to another relationship and cant stand alone. All shortcomings are excused by the spouse or children, or oh it must be so difficult because they really want to be with me. Newsflash, when someone wants something that go for it. No what most want is status quo. the marriage and the thing on the side. What they don't want is the conflicting feelings and guilt. Other only really care about themselves and dont give a damn about how it affects others . I'm leaning towards the latter here. Link to post Share on other sites
Bittersweetie Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 One thing I learned after my affair is that I deserve happiness...but not at some else's expense. Even though she is HIS wife, you are still making choices that hurt another person. You are choosing your own happiness (relationship with OM) at someone else's expense (wife's). This choice has nothing to do with MM...it's all on you. As to "the heart wants what it wants"...I cringe when I read this line. It lines up so perfectly to the mental gymnastics I did when I was trying to make my choices "okay" and tell myself everything would be fine, that my affair was "meant to be." Is there any way you can step away from this guy for a bit to clear your head? Even for a couple of weeks? Link to post Share on other sites
misspalmy Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 I was like this I had to tell his wife. It was unheathy for me to be living like that. but if u want to keep the sex life then tell her pro wont help. ex mm cheated on his wife 2 times both times i told. this is over 6 years. shes still with him. Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted February 8, 2019 Share Posted February 8, 2019 The heart can love more than one person. The heart just loves it doesn’t know a piece of paper. Sometimes a person comes along and it’s out of your control but that doesn’t mean you’re a band person. Yes, the heart can love more than one person. But if you love those people, you treat them with respect. Lying and sneaking around isn't respectful. I know I'm the odd one out for being involved in an 'affair' that was never secret, but I'm still proof that it's a thing that can happen, that a married man who is honestly torn can tell his wife that rather than lie about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Twistedlove Posted February 8, 2019 Author Share Posted February 8, 2019 We have had an intense couple Of days and maybe because Of my post on here but he is going to come clean with wife. He believes we both deserve better and wants both of us to be free from him. I believe what’s meant to be will be. We had a two hour talk this evening , lots of tears on both ends. No matter what happens I know I won’t put myself in this sitauirkn again. It is heart wrenching. Sadly more than the 15 year marriage of mine ending. Much love to everyone! ✌? Link to post Share on other sites
Theside Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 If you are hotter then why be jealous? The MW told me she felt ugly when the MM watched porn. Me? I told him he could film us! Should you feel jealous? He cheats on her lol. Nothing to be jealous over. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Twistedlove Posted March 8, 2019 Author Share Posted March 8, 2019 (edited) As I have stated in my last post. My AP and I started this affair over a year ago. It lasted the first time almost 7 months then he got caught. His wife caught him and we were in no contact for 6 weeks. We drive the same route to work every day and he saw me at the gas station and pulled me over and we talked then I mean it continued from there because there was no closure with us. So now it’s been another 7 months , very intense emotionally and we have sex 2-3 times a week every week. He’s been struggling with his guilt for months but we both continue doing what we have been doing. We always talk about parting ways and it never happens. 2 days ago he was going to his counselor meeting (individual one ) and we were on the phone right before and of course the same convo we always have about our crazy intense relationship and it’s always going to be the same. He said he was going to confess but I didn’t believe because he has said that a 100 times before. So I went to work. During my shift, my phone rings and it’s him and I think that’s strange he knows I’m working so I picked it up and it’s his wife. She says hi(my name) and I immediately hang up because I can’t get into a heated convo while at work. She calls back again. So now I know she knows. I don’t call him or snap chat him or anything. I know his schedule so I wait till he’s home and I saw him pull up to his house bkinds open and all and he sees me come out to my car and I said why david why and he said I couldn’t take the guilt anymore. You both deserve better. I said are we going to talk he says tomorrow I’ll try calling. I get a call 2 hours later from him, he’s drunk, he’s crying. She of course didn’t let him sleep in the room so he was out in his truck. I head to his house. We talk and cry for three hours. He’s still unsure what’s going to happen. His hearts breaking because he’s hurt me, he’s hurt his family. His wife was so gracious last time , taking blame on as to why he cheated. And he turns around and slaps her in the face. All she knew at that point was she asked how many times and he said ALOT WE HAD SEX A LOT, more times than we have in the last three years she asked where, he said his gym, my work (he owns a gym) the next day comes they have a counselor meeting . We talked he wasn’t sure she would show up but she did. He told her everything , how we were best friends , how he was in love with me, but he wants to save his family. I talked to him yesterday 3pm crying to him, him crying to me, I say why , why david. He said saving his family means more to him. He cried and said he knows his wife will never love him like he needs but he will sacifies for his kids. She told him she’d never trust him again and put his location on her phone. I haven’t talked to him since. But I feel like I lost my best friend, he was. We told each other everything. I still don’t know why will happen with them. I miss him so much but I know we are done. We would never be able to be a couple. Even if it didn’t work out. She would make sure of that, and rightfully so. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, he told me he’s always love me and I believe that. I pray for gods forgiveness and to pace his hand around me and help me thru this. I don’t know why, because I love him so I should want him happy but I wish him to be miserble with her and I k ow that’s evil, I’ll add he’s been going to counseling this whole time and been lying to his counselor, his wife. To his all of this. I know he feels relieved. But I also know the hell hes living and he was a good enough person o cinfesss and take the chance to get it all off his chest. Please don’t beat me up. I need encouragement. I need love and support. I beat my self up enough. I know time will make it easier. I was with my husband from age 23 till 39 so this is the only other man I have loved in my adulthood. I know love. It wasn’t just because of the affair. We saw each other ugly sides, we have had heated arguments, we have cried in each other’s arms, he has told me stuff his wife doesn’t even know. About his childhood and other things. It was so much more intense the second time around. It would be 7 months of healing if we didn’t go back. I feel like there will always be part of me that will love home Edited March 8, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Added paragraphs, please use them in the future Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 I'm sure he loved her as much or more than you when they were dating and got married, so just remember that. Marriage is work. At least he had some guilt, but he's chosen his family, IF she'll keep him. If not, there will always be objection to you being around the family, though, as you are the other woman. Plus I have to tell you, if he does get a divorce, he will be free to date other women, which he obviously wants to do, so that is the part that will really floor you should it happen. I have yet to see one who goes straight to the AP and doesn't date other people once the divorce is final. They want to put themselves out there, and obviously, he wanted more than one woman and that won't change. So I feel bad for you, but you need to be realistic going forward. He's fickle. Best thing you could do is mourn a bit but then reconnect with friends and start dating again. Keep yourself moving. Don't sit and wait. He'll let you down. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 (edited) I feel sorry for you too, but the sad reality is... you caused your own pain. You were quite arrogant in the way you boasted about the great sex you were having and very self assured that you would “win” this man in the end... But, he has chosen to stay with his family. Why his wife has taken this lying, cheating, man back for the SECOND time, I will never know... But, he has made his choice and you need to accept that. There is nothing respectable about the way that he told his wife. And there is nothing to respect about the hurt he has caused his family. Like any breakup, this is going to sting for a long time... lean on your friends, eat some ice cream, and cry your eyes out. Then, get dressed, put some makeup on, and move on with your life. I hope you resolve never to be so foolish as to sleep with another woman’s husband in the future... Edited March 8, 2019 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Author Twistedlove Posted March 8, 2019 Author Share Posted March 8, 2019 I never said he didn’t love his wife. I know he does but I also know something is missing. And trust me I will never let myself get in this situation again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Twistedlove Posted March 8, 2019 Author Share Posted March 8, 2019 I did cause this pain and I deserve it but it will doesn’t make it easier Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 I did cause this pain and I deserve it but it will doesn’t make it easier No, I’m sure it doesn’t. Rest easy. It will hurt like hell but it will get better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 Twisted Love, you mentioned that you go to church each week. Have you ever read a Bible? If you have, then you know there is comfort there for you. If you haven't ever read a Bible this would be a good time to begin, because there is comfort and strength for you there in many places. The love between a man and woman is great and wonderful! But the love between God and the one He has created is the deepest love possible. It's healing love and at this time it will carry you through. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 Op, I know it hurts right now, but think on this. This is a man who claims to be religious, who claims to love his family and who claims to be a "good" man. He is not a "good" man, and the proof of that is right in front of you. He is a man who, in spite of what you say has probably cheated before ( owns a gym? was well versed in keeping the affair secret?). Not only that, he is a huge hypocrite. He claims to be religious, yet he picks and chooses which commandments to follow. I'm not religious myself, but come on...I doubt the good lord added an addendum to the commandments that said " thou shalt not commit adultery....unless one really wants to". |As for his love of his fmaily? People who love their families don't put their mental and emotional health at risk by cheating. They especially don't keep the A going after they've been caught. I know he's got the "innocent" act down pat, but unless someone lives under a rock, they know how hurtful an affair can be...yet he's willing to put his wife/kids on the chopping block, not once but twice ( so far). What a prince:rolleyes: Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 What a dog he is. Breaks his wife's heart by telling her about an ongoing affair...then walks outside to talk to his mistress and calls his mistress on the phone while his wife is likely laying in bed devastated. Scum bag city. I hope she divorces him and takes him for every penny he is worth and leaves him living in a tiny studio apartment driving a piece of **** car. There is no 'love' in an affair. It is an illusion. Not reality. I hope you can now see this and don't go down this type of path again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 So if what you feel for the MM is true love why wouldn't you talk to his wife when she called? You thought you had every right to insert yourself into her marriage, to assist him in tearing her world apart, to blow up the lives of her children, but then when she wants to have a conversation with you, you run and hide from her. You believed you had every right to her husband no matter the pain it was going to cause her family so why not stand behind your actions and talk to his wife like a grown up woman who owns her choices? You wouldn't talk to her but you still snuck to her house in the middle of the night to sit in her driveway and cry over her husband. She was calling you because her husband isn't telling her the truth. He didn't tell her what he says he told her. He's lying to her and he's lying to you. He may have confessed but he didn't tell her everything so she called you to get the truth and she could probably tell you some truths too. Are you afraid to hear the truth? If you don't have the guts to talk to her and to take ownership of your actions then you got no business lurking in the shadows around her house in the middle of the night. I really hope she divorces him. He's a cockroach. Tells her he wants to save the marriage and then sneaks his OW over the same day. Disgusting. If you want him so bad then talk to her and tell her everything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 Scum bag city. I hope she divorces him and takes him for every penny he is worth and leaves him living in a tiny studio apartment driving a piece of **** car. That ain't gonna happen. The courts don't care about adultery...it is not illegal. The divorce is a simple contract matter. Also, she is just as bad at this point....just saying there is a lot of blame to spread around. Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 op, how would you feel if it was your best friend/ sister/mom/aunt or some other woman you cared about who was on the receiving end of his crappy behavior? Would you still be so blase about it? ( and please, I'm not buying you claims of feeling bad-even if you do, it's not relevant as it's not driving your behvaior) Would you still excuse it and be so willing to ask them to pay the price? If not, then why is it okay to ask his wife to do it...or do people feelings only hold value when they are in your circle? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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