lost my little lady

[jodymcloughlin12345]

hey. so I'm new here and utterly lost. so figured I'd give this forum a try.

 

I'm 32 year old guy who 2 months ago split up with my girlfriend of almost 3 years. I've never ever met anyone like her. she is exactly who and what I've been looking for and I can't describe the feeling I had when I finally found her.

 

She went to uni for a year in out last year together. things were tough financially and emotionally due to arguments etc. I was also taking steroids which at the time, had no idea how much it would effect me and ultimately ruin our relationship. steroids caused me to be am *******. I cheated on her and convinced myself I wasn't good enough. we split for about a.month but we knew all our problems although it was no excuse for what I did we worked on it and got past it. I was still abusing steroids for around 8 months.

 

Anyway. we were back together and I had plans on proposing to her for this Christmas and I overthought and overworked. causing myself to second guess, panic and convinced myself I wasn't good enough for her so made her leave again.. this was around 2 1/2 months ago.. all I wanted was to make her the happiest girl in the world and she would tell me and show me constantly every single day how haooy she was with me. talking marriage kids getting old grey a bald etc. she constantly wanted to come back to me after the recent split up but I still didn't feel I was good enough.

 

I stopped taking the steroids 3 weeks ago now. we spoke and agreed to try things again and she was going to come home 2 Saturdays ago. I had a funeral for my ban the following Friday, and my mum (who has severe depression and mental disorders) called me Friday night in a state regarding the funeral saying how she won't go because she can't tolerate it etc and my head was focused on her. too much.

 

Saturday morning came and my ex, asked what time she should come round and I told her I'm sorry but i can't give her the 100 percent she needs right now.

 

I should be explained it was because I was too focused on my mum etc and wanted the funeral out the way but I didn't, I left it like that and now all I've done is hurt her with the back and forth over and over. my head wasn't in the right place and I wish I had explained in better. but, she blocked me on everything and told me to never contact her again.

 

my brother messaged her for me saying I'm sorry and didn't mean it that way and she said she only wants to hear from me when I'm ready to work on thing's. so I left her to it. got the funeral out the way which was 5 days after then I reached out to her... she was having none of it. blocked me on everything still said she wants nothing to do with me. she's off the lease. she never wants to see me again she's protecting herself etc.

 

Now I'm lost and have lost her. this was 2 weeks ago now. and I'm still blocked. I've sent flowers wrote letters got her name tattooed on my chest ( something she wanted before) I've cried out to her. everything. but her sister has blocked me. she's blocked my brother. told him I need to stop contacting else she'll call the police etc etc..

 

I'm going mad at home. I can't work in losing the will to do anything. I just want to take her hurt away and show her that I'm off the steroids and I'm back to being the man she loves so much. I want to make things right for her. to fix the harm and damage I've caused. to make her feel loved and safe with me. but i don't know where to start.

 

I know how much she loves me and shes focusing on the negatives to try forget about me. bu ti know she's kidding herself by doing that because she does love me and was happy with me. it was this last handful of months which weren't always good due to my irrational mood... do I just try and move on..? I'm lost as to what to do. thanks for any input.. sorry for the terrible typo's

Edited February 5, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[amaysngrace]

Give her space. Back totally off. Don’t contact anyone she knows and don’t have anyone you know contact her.

 

Don’t ask about her. Don’t talk about her. Just let her be.

 

She won’t be able to miss you if you never go away.

[d0nnivain]

Get off the steroids & work on your self esteem. She is not coming back after you cheated but you have to fix the other things if you hope to ever have a decent relationship with somebody else in the future.

[jodymcloughlin12345]

thanks. the break up wasn't aboyt the cheating.vthatxwas something we had both worked through. I'm also off the steroids. I have been for a number of weeks now. as I've only just put together the fact I haven't been acting likeni love and respect her and I've been taking them. there's also no self-esteem issue. buy u respect your reply. and thank you formyour advice also regarding giving her space and time. it is easier said than done I know butni also know its the only choice I have. thank you.

[BaileyB]

You tattooed her name on your chest?

 

You have a lot to learn about how to treat a woman with love and respect. If she has asked for space, you can start by respecting that. Sadly, I think it’s too late for this relationship... for her, it is definitely for the best. Learn from this so that you can be a healthier partner for the next woman you date.

[jodymcloughlin12345]

because I made a mistake. like a human being a have alot to learn? ok. nothing but being judgemental here so it seems. thanks for the advice. yes I had been unfaithful in our relationship. and yes I will forever be sorry for that mistake I made. a mistake. which was in the oast. again a mistake in which I have learned from. a mistake which I never intend on making again altho I didn't intend on making it in the first place. I had never let myself get into that situation. a strong partnership can get through any mistake so long as they learn from it. just because I doubted myself with something unrelated doesn't mean that I can't learn.. Jesus. I was asking for help not to judge me as a cheat for ****ing up once that way. yes I have alot to learn as does everyone. but I am very respectful. I sometimes go aboyt things the wrong way but with good intentions. I overthink. again. I'm not here to talk about cheating. butnagaim cheers. highly appreciated

[BaileyB]

 

things were tough financially and emotionally due to arguments etc.

 

I was also taking steroids which at the time, had no idea how much it woukd effect me and ultimately ruin our relationship.

 

I cheated on her and convinced myself I wasn't good enough. we split for about a.month.

 

I was still abusing steroids for around 8 months. anyway.

 

we were back together and I had plans on proposing to her for this Christmas and I convinced myself I wasn't good enough for her so made her leave again..

 

she constantly wanted to come back to me after the recent split up but I still didn't feel I was good e oufh.

 

told him I need to stop contacting else she'll call the police etc etc..

 

it was tgis last handful of months which weren't always good due to my irrational mood...

 

No judgment here, just honesty. When I read your post, I see a man who has abused steroids, has issues with self control, and lacks self esteem (you said three times in your post that you didn’t feel you were good enough). The relationship you describe is one of conflict (tough emotionally due to arguements), has been been on-again off-again (a hallmark of an unhealthy relationship), and it was affected by infidelity. And now, you refuse to respect her decision to end all contact such that she has threatened to call the police if you continue to contact her.

 

It’s not just “one mistake.” Sadly, it’s a number of mistakes that have caused her to reconsider the relationship and finally walk away... something she probably should have done long before she did.

 

And to further prove my point, you lose your self control and get defensive and angry when you are called out on your *****.

 

Does that sound like a relationship that you would want your daughter or your sister to have with a man? No, it’s not healthy.

 

If you want to have a good relationship, you need to be a healthy partner. It’s just the honest truth.

Edited February 4, 2019 by BaileyB

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

a mistake which I never intend on making again altho I didn't intend on making it in the first place. I had never let myself get into that situation. a strong partnership can get through any mistake so long as they learn from it.

 

Only if both people in the partnership feel that way. Some people only have a one strike policy when it comes to cheating. Actions have consequences, and sometimes those consequences really hurt and we just have to accept them . Just vow to do better next time with the next woman.

[preraph]

For now you need to move on. Your behavior is erratic. You can't very well take on a relationship while you can't handle the flow that life throws at you. And you need to NEVER do steroids again, ever, not once. I don't know how long it takes to get them out of your system or if they, like other drugs, can cause brain changes, but you still don't sound right.

 

You have said twice you don't feel you're good enough -- and any woman in her right mind would leave once a man is honest enough to say that to her about himself.

 

You should leave her alone and take this time to see a psychologist. You mentioned a relative with some mental health issues. Many of them are genetic. You may also have some mental health issues that need to be diagnosed, but first you have to stop all substances so the psychologist can get an accurate baseline. I strongly advise you to take care of your own mental health now before getting into another relationship. Your self-esteem is poor and you seem very scattered out. Not trying to make you feel worse, but you came here for advice, and I think the advice is respect her wishes and work on yourself and find out what's going on with your brain. Good luck.

[jodymcloughlin12345]

thank you. yes you're all correct. I appreciate your words and your tine to reply to me.