My ex baby father wants me back, after lying to me about being with someone else.?

[28meS]

My ex baby father wants me back, after lying to me about being with someone else.? Idk what to do?

 

My ex baby father and I have been split up for a year now after being together for 12 years, and yes he is first love and my first everything. We have been together since high school he’s just nine months older than me and I’m 28. We have a son together. I’m the one who decided to leave. We argued so much and even though I tried so hard to make things better/work I felt I was the only one trying at that point. He always had some kind of fight to pick up. He was so involved in his job. Seemed like he was always on his phone and wouldn’t give my son or me the time of day. Any who I couldn’t take it anymore, I left, we lived with his parents by the way. He didn’t want to move out or get married. This is a bit of history on our relationship.

 

So now comes the hardest decision of my life. We have been apart for a year now. He confessed to me that he went into a relationship about 4 months after I had left, and has been with this person for 7 months, this girl has two kids. And he started telling how he made a mistake that this girls kids are like 2 year and 4or 5 year old and how she doesn’t take care of them and how they are malnourished and the baby seemed to be always sick and that her ex was just trouble and blah blah blah. Not to be insensitive but what do I care. He put himself in that position. He said he realized what a great mother I am and how I would do anything for our son and regrets his mistake, and has learned a lot from it. That he feels confused because he doesn’t want our relationship to be as it was before. He says that this other girl listens to him and they trust each other and that we never had that.

 

Note: within this past year I had asked him multiple times if he was seeing someone or had slept with someone. He denied it every time and would get upset because he said he wasn’t. We were intimate within that time frame which makes me that much angrier.

 

To be honest I had a knot in my throat. I couldn’t say anything but that I couldn’t believe it. I cried like a dummy in-front of him. The impression he gave me is that he was still with this person, but was going to leave her because he knew he had messed up. But as of now he just texts me randomly old pictures and saying if I’m willing to work things out with him. I tell him to leave me alone. That I’m numb and don’t know what to feel. He doesn’t do more than that. So idk. I hate to ask if he’s still with this person or not because he shouldn’t be right? I’m not a rebound and never want to be that.

 

I didn’t talk to anyone else within this past year. I have been focusing on our son and work. I felt like I couldn’t move on from him, we were together for 12 years how could I move on is what I would tell myself. I asked him many many many times this past year to let’s move out, get counseling, to work things out and he would always dismiss it. Of course he was screwing around with someone else. I feel cheated and betrayed by him. He didn’t give me that choice of sleeping with him while he was sleeping with someone else which disgusts me so much. I’ve told him to leave me alone and give me my space. But idk where to go from here. To be honest I love him but is that enough? Idk if I’m able to even just forgive him sleeping with someone else. Even less him lying to me about it and hiding it for so long. Is it worth it.? I’m having a super hard time?

[d0nnivain]

I think there may be too much water under the bridge. You were childhood sweethearts, having been together since you were 16. That relationship wasn't meant to last. It was training wheels for you to both grow out of but now you share a child who will bind you to each other forever.

 

The issues that broke you two apart have not been resolved so you would be going back to what things were & that wasn't working. You still don't trust him & now you have even fewer reasons to believe him because he lied to you about the woman he was seeing while you were broken up.

 

Stay cordial for your child's sake but don't try to pursue a romance again.

[Normm]

He says he's learned a lot. Actions speak louder. How often does he see his son and how is he as a parent?

[Artdeco]

You seem to have put a lot of thought into everything, before you decided to separate. You gave him chance after chance, and he didn’t try hard enough to make your relationship better. I think you’re doing very well on your own. And no, I don’t think “love” is enough. I don’t see much effort on his part. He just throws out a few bones for you to maybe pick them up, but his reasoning about why he wants to get back together just sounds lame. Because she’s worse of a mother than you are? Cmon. That’s not love. That’s not making an effort. I would expect more, and so should you.

[28meS]

I think there may be too much water under the bridge. You were childhood sweethearts, having been together since you were 16. That relationship wasn't meant to last. It was training wheels for you to both grow out of but now you share a child who will bind you to each other forever.

 

The issues that broke you two apart have not been resolved so you would be going back to what things were & that wasn't working. You still don't trust him & now you have even fewer reasons to believe him because he lied to you about the woman he was seeing while you were broken up.

 

Stay cordial for your child's sake but don't try to pursue a romance again.

 

Thank you for your response and you are totally right. I don’t trust him and just like you said I also feel I would be going back to how it was before. Time is what I need to give myself to heal from this.

Since his confession I have not spoke to him about us. I left it at what he said and told him he must only contact me if it’s about our son. Our son is 8 and he sees and notices everything, I don’t want him to grow up and think this was ok. Thanks you again.

[28meS]

He says he's learned a lot. Actions speak louder. How often does he see his son and how is he as a parent?

 

Thank you for your response! That’s what he said but all he does is send me old pictures of us as a family with sad faces and asks me to work things out. And these texts come to me like at midnight and then throughout the day no texts from him. I did tell him to give me my space, but I would think he would try harder if he really want me back besides those texts.

As a parent he really had no connection with our son which is something we would also argue about. He wouldn’t give him quality time. As of now he has him the days he’s off which can be any day during the week. I don’t argue because our son needs to be with him also. But sometimes our son does not want to go with him either because he says his dad is always just on the phone or sleeping. He does still live with his mom and I feel his mom is who watches our son most of the time when he’s with him. Lately he has been buying him LEGO’s and giving him that quality time a bit but idk how long that can last.

[28meS]

You seem to have put a lot of thought into everything, before you decided to separate. You gave him chance after chance, and he didn’t try hard enough to make your relationship better. I think you’re doing very well on your own. And no, I don’t think “love” is enough. I don’t see much effort on his part. He just throws out a few bones for you to maybe pick them up, but his reasoning about why he wants to get back together just sounds lame. Because she’s worse of a mother than you are? Cmon. That’s not love. That’s not making an effort. I would expect more, and so should you.

 

Thank you for your response! I really did put a lot of thought before leaving. I felt like I couldn’t do it anymore until I exploded and felt I had to or else I would suffocate. You’re right the excuse he had is really lame, I really couldn’t even belive what he was saying at that moment. Yes I do expect more, I know I deserve more. It is extremely difficult but maybe moving on is the right thing no matter how hard I fight it.

[Normm]

He hasn't changed one bit.

 

 

 

Don't waste your time.

[d0nnivain]

He is your child's father & he will always be your child's father. Find a way to peacefully co-parent but give up any illusions about a happy family.

[preraph]

Hey, he might only want to get back together to keep from having to pay child support. But whatever his reason, you don't need that again. Like you say, you've grown and matured and are raising your kids. Just keep him sending his portion of the child support and keep working and doing what you're doing. Don't go backwards. Move forward. Change is almost always good in the end.

[28meS]

Hey, he might only want to get back together to keep from having to pay child support. But whatever his reason, you don't need that again. Like you say, you've grown and matured and are raising your kids. Just keep him sending his portion of the child support and keep working and doing what you're doing. Don't go backwards. Move forward. Change is almost always good in the end.

 

Thank you for your response!! Funny you mention child support. He has not want to give me any kind of child support. It was an argument like the first half of the year we have been apart. He says he will pay for his things when our son is with him and that’s it. Talking about it makes me realize how much he’s not worth it. But thank you so much yes I actually passed my LVN nclex while apart from him and got my first NEW car. It just hurt that we were not together for so long that he didn’t share those things with me but I think back and all my tears where for nothing because he was already making someone else happy while trying to keep me and have best of both worlds. Change is good I agree. Thank you

[Normm]

Child support is not an option, it's the law. You don't need his permission to get it from him. Don't be one of those martyr mothers who says "we don't need his money" as if the child is already the beneficiary of unlimited funds. There's never enough money.

 

 

 

I suggest you make that happen. His response will be very telling. And predictable.

[28meS]

Child support is not an option, it's the law. You don't need his permission to get it from him. Don't be one of those martyr mothers who says "we don't need his money" as if the child is already the beneficiary of unlimited funds. There's never enough money.

 

 

 

I suggest you make that happen. His response will be very telling. And predictable.

 

 

I completely agree. Maybe in my head I thought that it would mean that we were completely over, which I realize now is such a stupid reason. I definitely didn’t think I didn’t need his money, because it was an argument always, but I was tired of arguing so I just stopped bringing it up.

I know I have to and i will, his response will tell me so much.

[d0nnivain]

I definitely didn’t think I didn’t need his money,

 

You may not need his money but CS doesn't belong to you. CS belongs to your child. Take the money & throw it in a 529 account so that your kid has a fund to pay for college when the time comes.

[28meS]

You may not need his money but CS doesn't belong to you. CS belongs to your child. Take the money & throw it in a 529 account so that your kid has a fund to pay for college when the time comes.

 

This sounds like a great idea. Thank you for this suggestion.

[Normm]

but I was tired of arguing so I just stopped bringing it up.

 

 

No need to argue, no need to discuss it with him all. Go down to your local child support enforcement agency and they'll walk you through filing the correct paperwork. He gets served, you show up in court, the magistrate looks over the income information and tells him how much he's going to pay you each month.

 

 

Make sure to have his payments made directly to the state, they collected it and deposit the money into your account. That way if he doesn't pay you aren't the one chasing him. They automatically start the collection process once he's behind a couple of months.

[stillafool]

I don't blame you for not trusting him. He goes and moves in with some girl and her kids instead of moving out of his parents home into his own place. He is not showing any independence and is not being responsible for his son by not paying monthly child support. Now because things are hard with this woman he wants to move with you. When is he going to grow up? No, I wouldn't want him back. You are smart and strong. You deserve a strong man who knows where he's going in life. Don't go back to your ex so you can be free for the right man to come into your life.

 

Get your son's child support before your ex impregnates another woman and she files ahead of you.

[28meS]

No need to argue, no need to discuss it with him all. Go down to your local child support enforcement agency and they'll walk you through filing the correct paperwork. He gets served, you show up in court, the magistrate looks over the income information and tells him how much he's going to pay you each month.

 

 

Make sure to have his payments made directly to the state, they collected it and deposit the money into your account. That way if he doesn't pay you aren't the one chasing him. They automatically start the collection process once he's behind a couple of months.

 

Thank you for this info. It is really appreciated. This whole thing is so new to me and the fact that I never saw myself in this position has made me depressed but I know I will get through it. Thanks

[28meS]

I don't blame you for not trusting him. He goes and moves in with some girl and her kids instead of moving out of his parents home into his own place. He is not showing any independence and is not being responsible for his son by not paying monthly child support. Now because things are hard with this woman he wants to move with you. When is he going to grow up? No, I wouldn't want him back. You are smart and strong. You deserve a strong man who knows where he's going in life. Don't go back to your ex so you can be free for the right man to come into your life.

 

Get your son's child support before your ex impregnates another woman and she files ahead of you.

 

I don’t think he moved in with this girl, he’s still living with his parents, he’s very tight with his money. He hasn’t grown up one bit, I don’t see any major changes in him. I actually told him two days ago that I wouldn’t ever go back to him.

When we were together I had told him once that if he ever slept with someone else, he would never have me back. Which he did and that has been eating at me since he told me.

Thank you for those words, I know the right man will some day come along, the right man Who loves my son and myself.

Never thought of that, him impregnating some other girl. Omg Having kids with someone and breaking up is so horrible. But I know I can get through it. I have to.