Process of regret? - A break-up story

[Rotstift]

Dear all,

 

I am from Germany and still suffering from the recent break-up. Well, my ex-girlfriend broke-up end of October 2018 after 5,5 years of romantic relationship. We are both 24 years old.

She was very strange. Maybe also because her grandma died some months ago and her father had a very bad stroke. She felt our relationship is not as years before so we decided to do a 2 weeks break to find together again and think about feelings. It was difficult. We never haven't seen us for such a long period of time. I know that she thought through our past relationship during these 2 weeks and finally asked for a conversation.

 

She said that she does not deserve me anymore as we are not having same feelings. She supposed to be in love with me but she realized that she is not. She came to the result that we were just friends for the last year. In addition to that, she is currently in love with an acquintance. So she came to the point to break up the relationship also it is hard for her but the right and true decision. But she wanted to be friends but I declined that I cannot be just in a friendship with her because I will always love her. That was our last spoken sentence so far.

 

I was completely confused and tried to convince her that we need each other but she was so cold. I tried to convince her with letters and videos but she blocked. I wrote with her sister and found out that she drove to the acquintance some weeks after to have a sleep over and watch movies.

 

It was a very hard time for me so I decided to stop contacting her and focus on me and my life. I haven't seen her since her break-up. She sometimes wrote and asked how I am doing but I just responded shortly or even not. 4 weeks ago, she asked if I am hating her. I said, I am not hating her but cannot be a friend of her as I explained while the break-up. She said that does not understand why we cannot be friends just because we are not kissing or doing other things you do in a romantic relationship.

 

She also said that she hasn't thought through everything but she more and more regret everything. She's severely missing me.

 

She explained that she needed a break. She wanted to escape daily routine and her acquintance gave her what she needed to that time: funny dressing up, making funny movies, doing things that are not socially accepted.

 

Well, and now I am even more confused. That was her reason why she does not love me anymore: Because I am not doing things that are not socially accepted?? And I am not behaving like a child?? And clownish?

 

She also said that she want to find together with me again but that is not possible until I haven't make similar experiences: To see, if she is still worth it or if other girls are better for me. She said, she has seen for her that she made this experience and I should also get in contact with other girls and finally decide for her or for the other girls. That's so crazy!!

 

She said, her parents also broke-up and everyone had dates or other girl-/boyfriends and finally both decided that they just want each other.

 

Why is this girl so confusing? I still love her but that is so crazy!