Author chryssy83 Posted March 24, 2019 Author Share Posted March 24, 2019 [quote=chryssy83;7763087 You don't have any interest in discussing one of your kids? That seems to be why he wanted to meet and talk, nothing more. / Of course I’m always happy to discuss the kids. I just don’t believe him when he says that’s all he wants to talk about and I don’t think that discussion has to happen in person. If I had something to discuss about one of the kids I would want to talk ASAP. He brought up meeting in response to my message to him about how he owes me an apology and I wish he would just admit I didn’t deserve this. Because he previously acted like it was somehow my fault he was lying and cheating. He responded that I didn’t deserve it and asked if we could meet in person to “actually talk.” I asked about what and he answered our son “mostly” about 3 hours later. I have said over and over I’m good with a call to talk about our son and he kept insisting he would rather meet in person. I think he thinks he can manipulate me somehow if we meet in person. That’s what I’m not interested in. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted March 24, 2019 Share Posted March 24, 2019 Sorry for what you have to go through. At this point, what’s the point of making him make an insincere apology to you anyway? I wish your kids the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chryssy83 Posted March 24, 2019 Author Share Posted March 24, 2019 Sorry for what you have to go through. At this point, what’s the point of making him make an insincere apology to you anyway? I wish your kids the best. There isn’t a point, sometimes I just get angry because he acts like everything is no big deal. Seriously he put less effort into planning our separation than he does planning a trip to the grocery store. I know he won’t ever understand the gravity of what he’s done because if he did he never would have done it. But sometimes I just get mad and I focus on what SHOULD happen instead of what will/can. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 But sometimes I just get mad and I focus on what SHOULD happen instead of what will/can. It would seem, at this point, all aspects of your H's personality and character have revealed themselves. Time to stop treating him like he's the man you'd hoped he'd be and stick to your guns about giving him simply what he deserves... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author chryssy83 Posted March 26, 2019 Author Share Posted March 26, 2019 Yeah I’ve wondered about that...I don’t think his work girlfriend knows he’s seeing other people. We couldnt finalize the divorce without him because we can’t determine what all the marital assets are. I don’t want to leave a bunch of money on the table. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chryssy83 Posted March 26, 2019 Author Share Posted March 26, 2019 The divorce cannot be finalized without dividing the assets. Trial is more than a year away if the judge has to decide that. All his income comes from a single source. I do have an attorney and we are working to get documents from his employer showing what he has made. Then if anything is missing we can either find it or count it against his share for the settlement. He has chosen not to have counsel. I’m also an attorney so I will go through the documents myself once he gives them to us..hoping the court doesn’t have to compel the disclosures but we might get there. Right now he’s dragging his feet and I don’t know why. We will find the assets and I have probably 1/3 of everything we have where he can’t access it at all just to be safe. Link to post Share on other sites
Turning point Posted March 27, 2019 Share Posted March 27, 2019 Right now he’s dragging his feet and I don’t know why. Because there's no consequences. Be as aggressive as you can because no one else will. For all the "big legal talk" the courts are actually a stunning mix of impotence and incompetence. Unless someone tries to stab you to death there's virtually no consequence for contempt of court orders. If it weren't so tragic it would comical: I need an "expert witness" to explain a very common State Law, to a State Judge, in the State Court, before lawyers licensed by the State. Given that all these practitioners fancy their picture next to walls full of Legal Volumes - isn't it high time someone in the state court system actually read one? It's absolutely mind-blowing to be in a courtroom and despite feeling like Forest Gump - realize you might actually be the smartest person in the room. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 27, 2019 Share Posted March 27, 2019 I think he thinks he can manipulate me somehow if we meet in person. That’s what I’m not interested in. Manipulate you into what? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 27, 2019 Share Posted March 27, 2019 He doesn’t want it finalized because then someone will know he is free - and likely pressure him to get married. Yeah some women can smell a divorced attorney a mile away and want to pounce. No, seriously, I've known some. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chryssy83 Posted March 27, 2019 Author Share Posted March 27, 2019 Manipulate you into what? Guesses: Treating him like he’s not a bad person (which means he’s not such a bad person, right?) or letting him out of responding to some of the discovery. As for your other post about smelling a divorced attorney...huh? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 28, 2019 Share Posted March 28, 2019 As for your other post about smelling a divorced attorney...huh? I think stillafool is confused. You're the lawyer, not your husband, right? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author chryssy83 Posted March 28, 2019 Author Share Posted March 28, 2019 Yes I’m the attorney. He’s in business. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chryssy83 Posted March 30, 2019 Author Share Posted March 30, 2019 Got the responses. He just didn’t even answer a lot of the questions and he gave us credit card statements that show that he had a credit card I didn’t know about. Used it to rent movies like every 3 days and paid utilities on a house that wasn’t ours for about 8 months in 2017. He must have been watching those movies instead of working. But otherwise most of it is pretty clean. Denies any affairs, took a big fat pay cut at the start of this year due to poor work performance. I’m shocked all those dvds he watched didn’t bring in more money for the company. Link to post Share on other sites
Turning point Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 I doubt he remembers seeing any of the movies. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 He paid utilities on a house that wasn't yours for about 8 months, but denies having an affair?? Hmm...he must just be a very generous, nice guy. Link to post Share on other sites
notbroken Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 Why all the interest in discovery? Does he really have a lot of hidden assets? It doesn't sound like it. If he is as narcissistic as you say he'd likely have everything in plain sight 'for show'. Why not just divorce him asap, get a fair amount of child support, and be done with it? Seriously, I'm betting he doesn't have any hidden assets and is not making millions. He's 'all blow and no show'. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 Yes I’m the attorney. He’s in business. Oh, I'm sorry I was mistaken. I thought you both were attorneys. Yeah maybe he isn't hiding anything from you and isn't making as much as you think. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 Why all the interest in discovery? Does he really have a lot of hidden assets? It doesn't sound like it. If he is as narcissistic as you say he'd likely have everything in plain sight 'for show'. Why not just divorce him asap, get a fair amount of child support, and be done with it? Seriously, I'm betting he doesn't have any hidden assets and is not making millions. He's 'all blow and no show'. I agree with this 100%. It's not worth the headache. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 He paid utilities on a house that wasn't yours for about 8 months, but denies having an affair?? Hmm...he must just be a very generous, nice guy. It's obvious. I don't understand what difference it makes if he confesses to the affair or not if OP is sure of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Turning point Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 (edited) Why all the interest in discovery?. Because manipulation and self-preservation is a higher priority to a narcissist than putting it all out there. "Blow and show" is not correct. It's more like "Blow and Deflect." Discovery is very important. The 8 months of paying someone else's utilities for example, the Blow: "I'm not having an affair" The Deflect: "I'm just helping out a friend, sick relative, homeless children & veterans..." The affair itself isn't what matters but, household income diverted to pursuing it can be credited back to the division of assets. People often spend a considerable amount of money on illicit affairs. It can be as large as some retirement funds! Edited April 1, 2019 by Turning point Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 Because manipulation and self-preservation is a higher priority to a narcissist than putting it all out there. "Blow and show" is not correct. It's more like "Blow and Deflect." Discovery is very important. The 8 months of paying someone else's utilities for example, the Blow: "I'm not having an affair" The Deflect: "I'm just helping out a friend, sick relative, homeless children & veterans..." The affair itself isn't what matters but, household income diverted to pursuing it can be credited back to the division of assets. People often spend a considerable amount of money on illicit affairs. It can be as large as some retirement funds! Oh I see. So she wants to know so she can possibly get more money out of the divorce settlement. Link to post Share on other sites
Turning point Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 Oh I see. So she wants to know so she can possibly get more money out of the divorce settlement. Not "get more" but be more balanced. Imagine he isn't flush with cash but, dissipated $100,000 paying his OW's expenses or rent. That comes back in to the calculation to offset how much of HER money he can claim. The court could treat that $100K as a share of marital assets he already received. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WorstFeelingEver Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 Discovery is VERY important. As you can see from the credit card statement, that he disclosed___, You did not think he had this CC_____ Low & Behold, he was using your marital money to support his AP, her rent, & utilities for 8 months.... What else is he hiding?? Get your lawyer on this ASAP, as your H will be supplementing this money back to the martial account. I filed for divorce after my husband got caught at a coworker’s house during the day (says they are just friends who spend time together several days a week at her place when they are supposed to be at work) he took a big fat pay cut at the start of this year due to poor work performance. ---I thought he claimed he is the best at his job? If he is the best, why a poor work performance, which lead to a pay cut? Your H has no idea what he is heading into with CS and alimony payments for years to come. Especially, when you say, he makes 4 times more then you.... Your H may be dragging his feet, but you need to keep pursuing your lawyer to keep this going. Otherwise, as someone mentioned, your H has time to move money, assets, & investments elsewhere. He is NO longer the same man you married (as you have found out). Link to post Share on other sites
Author chryssy83 Posted April 2, 2019 Author Share Posted April 2, 2019 I started to feel the discovery was a waste of time and money. The utilities were for another house he maintained during half our marriage, according to him. Claims other expenses related to a car wreck (but no damage to vehicle so I don’t believe him) that he didn’t tell me about. Claims his mother was helping him cover it up. Admits “talking” to the hairdresser before our split. Says he’s told me the whole truth now and wants to be a better person. Says everything he lied about was actually for my benefit because him lying and having his own place was the only way to stay married which is what I really wanted. So far he’s admitted to funneling away about 40k in marital assets though financial misconduct. And that’s just what he admitted. I screamed at him today and grilled him on the phone. I told him to settle the way I want or we can show the judge what a liar he is. He says he will sign whatever I send him and coooerate expeditiously with future discovery requests. Time will tell, I feel sick. This is horrible, he’s a complete fraud. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chryssy83 Posted April 2, 2019 Author Share Posted April 2, 2019 (edited) Oh I see. So she wants to know so she can possibly get more money out of the divorce settlement. At this point I don’t trust him to conduct himself in a manner where he is always able to provide for his kids so yeah I want as much as I can to protect their well-being. If I have to provide them full support at some point the more I get now the better, eh? He says he can’t even provide documentation of what he spent because he was trying so hard to only deal in cash so I couldn’t trace it. Meanwhile I kept telling him every month that the money didn’t make sense and we should have more left and he said I was crazy. Like I was crazy for saying I felt lied to. Edited April 2, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator formatting 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts