Turning point Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 (edited) Why all the interest in discovery?. Because manipulation and self-preservation is a higher priority to a narcissist than putting it all out there. "Blow and show" is not correct. It's more like "Blow and Deflect." Discovery is very important. The 8 months of paying someone else's utilities for example, the Blow: "I'm not having an affair" The Deflect: "I'm just helping out a friend, sick relative, homeless children & veterans..." The affair itself isn't what matters but, household income diverted to pursuing it can be credited back to the division of assets. People often spend a considerable amount of money on illicit affairs. It can be as large as some retirement funds! Edited April 1, 2019 by Turning point Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 Because manipulation and self-preservation is a higher priority to a narcissist than putting it all out there. "Blow and show" is not correct. It's more like "Blow and Deflect." Discovery is very important. The 8 months of paying someone else's utilities for example, the Blow: "I'm not having an affair" The Deflect: "I'm just helping out a friend, sick relative, homeless children & veterans..." The affair itself isn't what matters but, household income diverted to pursuing it can be credited back to the division of assets. People often spend a considerable amount of money on illicit affairs. It can be as large as some retirement funds! Oh I see. So she wants to know so she can possibly get more money out of the divorce settlement. Link to post Share on other sites
Turning point Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 Oh I see. So she wants to know so she can possibly get more money out of the divorce settlement. Not "get more" but be more balanced. Imagine he isn't flush with cash but, dissipated $100,000 paying his OW's expenses or rent. That comes back in to the calculation to offset how much of HER money he can claim. The court could treat that $100K as a share of marital assets he already received. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WorstFeelingEver Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 Discovery is VERY important. As you can see from the credit card statement, that he disclosed___, You did not think he had this CC_____ Low & Behold, he was using your marital money to support his AP, her rent, & utilities for 8 months.... What else is he hiding?? Get your lawyer on this ASAP, as your H will be supplementing this money back to the martial account. I filed for divorce after my husband got caught at a coworker’s house during the day (says they are just friends who spend time together several days a week at her place when they are supposed to be at work) he took a big fat pay cut at the start of this year due to poor work performance. ---I thought he claimed he is the best at his job? If he is the best, why a poor work performance, which lead to a pay cut? Your H has no idea what he is heading into with CS and alimony payments for years to come. Especially, when you say, he makes 4 times more then you.... Your H may be dragging his feet, but you need to keep pursuing your lawyer to keep this going. Otherwise, as someone mentioned, your H has time to move money, assets, & investments elsewhere. He is NO longer the same man you married (as you have found out). Link to post Share on other sites
Author chryssy83 Posted April 2, 2019 Author Share Posted April 2, 2019 I started to feel the discovery was a waste of time and money. The utilities were for another house he maintained during half our marriage, according to him. Claims other expenses related to a car wreck (but no damage to vehicle so I don’t believe him) that he didn’t tell me about. Claims his mother was helping him cover it up. Admits “talking” to the hairdresser before our split. Says he’s told me the whole truth now and wants to be a better person. Says everything he lied about was actually for my benefit because him lying and having his own place was the only way to stay married which is what I really wanted. So far he’s admitted to funneling away about 40k in marital assets though financial misconduct. And that’s just what he admitted. I screamed at him today and grilled him on the phone. I told him to settle the way I want or we can show the judge what a liar he is. He says he will sign whatever I send him and coooerate expeditiously with future discovery requests. Time will tell, I feel sick. This is horrible, he’s a complete fraud. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chryssy83 Posted April 2, 2019 Author Share Posted April 2, 2019 (edited) Oh I see. So she wants to know so she can possibly get more money out of the divorce settlement. At this point I don’t trust him to conduct himself in a manner where he is always able to provide for his kids so yeah I want as much as I can to protect their well-being. If I have to provide them full support at some point the more I get now the better, eh? He says he can’t even provide documentation of what he spent because he was trying so hard to only deal in cash so I couldn’t trace it. Meanwhile I kept telling him every month that the money didn’t make sense and we should have more left and he said I was crazy. Like I was crazy for saying I felt lied to. Edited April 2, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator formatting 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Turning point Posted April 2, 2019 Share Posted April 2, 2019 Don't fall for the "I'm going to be honest now.." crap. That's just a way to get you to rely on him for information instead of doing more discovery. When discovery ends you'll be S.O.L. if you failed to compel or subpoena the information you want and need. If he's not complying the burden is on you to force him - Judges don't do any of the hard lifting on this. Link to post Share on other sites
lil_missy Posted April 3, 2019 Share Posted April 3, 2019 @OP, I only read the last page but our situations are quite similar, I haven’t discovered another residence for him but he has being “funneling” our marital funds too. And always dealing in cash so I can’t track anything. He has no receipt or anything he can show me for these supposedly expensive courses he is doing at work but takes out hundreds in cash almost everyday. To the point now we are flat broke and he is still asking me to use my credit card, I said hell no. I’m worried he won’t be able to provide child support in the future too. How can men be such irresponsible human being, even when they’ve become fathers and the welfare of their kids should be the uttermost priority, yet depriving them of basic financial security to grow up in!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Turning point Posted April 4, 2019 Share Posted April 4, 2019 How can men be such irresponsible human being, even when ... welfare of their kids should be the uttermost priority... Men don't have the market cornered on this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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