Bench warrant

[Mrs._December]

Amaysngrace, years ago, my sister took up with a real deadbeat whose been in and out of legal trouble his whole life, and who skipped out on his kids 40+ years ago.

 

His ex wife STILL has an active child support judgment against this loser and the last I heard (about 10 years ago), with penalties and fees his arrearage total is now $187,000! But because he lives such a transient lifestyle, his ex-w hasn't been overly successful in tracking him down (he's across the country from her).

 

If he never pays it or goes into arrearages again, this lien - with penalties and fees - can haunt your ex-husband for life. Ain't it grand?

[amaysngrace]

Haha yea, ain’t it?

 

My divorce lawyer was awesome in another way too. We set child support as a weekly amount, not specifically how much for each child. As one ages and falls off of support the money I receive stays the same.

 

My youngest one is going to have such an advanced education in nursing the letters after her name on her white lab coat will be intimidating by themselves.

 

He should’ve never underestimated that kid.

[amaysngrace]

He paid it back. He still owes arrearages but $4200 hit my bank yesterday.

 

That sure didn’t take long. I think it was more the threat of being arrested and possibly having a suspended license that made him pay. He can see the details on the CS probation website and he’s been sent letters as well. The DMV might’ve even notified him about the status of his license.

 

At least he knows he can’t stay under their radar for long. I’m very impressed with them.

[Art_Critic]

Wow... ^5

 

Way to go.... and I wouldn't want to be on the other side of the table from you..

[preraph]

Woo-hoo! Congratulations! I bet he got it from his new woman, who will now spend the rest of her days pursuing him to get it back. And good luck to that if she didn't get an I owe you in writing. Not your problem.

 

Great outcome. So happy for you. That helps, I know!

[Orokotikki]

grats! good to hear

[amaysngrace]

Thanks guys! A_C I’d like to take credit but it was really all probation’s efforts in going after him to enforce it. I just hired a great lawyer years ago and followed his advice.

 

preraph, she’s his WIFE lol What’s hers is his and what’s his is his. Except his debt...that’s all hers...

 

He still owes me from since we went to court but he’ll pay that back by giving an extra $40 a week.

 

And of course he still owes me for half of college tuition and medical out of pocket but one thing at a time. I’ll let him get support caught up first.

[notbroken]

Your ex does sound like a deadbeat, but why does he legally (not morally - legally) owe anything after the children are 18? I chose to pay for most of my kids college because I wanted to help them but I did not have to legally pay it. I paid them or the college directly - not her. Was he dumb enough to sign off on that in some divorce agreement? Was it somehow a legal requirement (unusual I think)?

 

Also, not reducing the amount owed as kids 'age off' seems like trickery/theft to me - or a form of disguised alimony. Nice 'trick' you seem proud of but that is what it is. He should morally help his children if he can but it shouldn't be legal in my opinion. Flame suit on - but if the amount is 4K that sounds similar to the amount that probably accrued after the kids may have been 18.

 

For the record, ANYONE that doesn't support their kids is a horrible human in my book. However, legal trickery to get more money than owed is also not right. Fair is fair and he/she not in custody of the kids should pay exactly 1/2 of what it actually costs to raise them to the age of 18. Parents do NOT 'owe' their kids college educations and any amount he paid after that should have been from wishing to help them - not threat of arrest. If he owed money prior to that (sounds like he did) then shame on him for not paying and making you chase him for the money.

[amaysngrace]

We agreed at the time of our divorce that we anticipated our children would go to college. The oldest was in second grade at the time. Both of them still live home and go to school. Why shouldn’t he contribute to their expenses until they are fully emancipated? It’s not like they have great jobs and can support themselves on their own at this stage in their lives.

 

Trickery? It’s not my fault if he didn’t question what was written before agreeing to it. He and I spoke several times on the phone trying to come to some type of understanding. My lawyer drew it up.

 

The only trick I can honestly own is that he didn’t want to pay alimony so I waived my right to alimony for full custody. I knew that I wasn’t entitled to alimony because we were only married for nine years and in my state you need to be married for ten to qualify. So I gave him that one for full custody.

 

But what kind of man cares more about money than he cares about seeing his children more often? Him. Because he was totally okay with that arrangement.

[standtall]

Why shouldn't he contribute to expense past 18? Because legally he doesn't have to unless he was dumb enough to sign a contract to do so. Not every young college student behaves or performs well enough to earn it.

 

For example, my 22 yr old...who goes to a local Sate college..blew himself up the first year and lost his half scholarship. The wife and I paid 2/3rds and he paid a third...with his scholarship coming off his third first. Well, after he lost his part, we were not going to step in and pay his third for partying too much and flunking out. Plus, he had to maintain a 3.0 to get our 2/3rds. Thankfully, he got his act together, pays his 3rd and is set to finish...a year behind. You may think you can control a 18-23 yr old, but don't count on it. College IMHO, is on a case to case basis with each kid....no guarantees.

 

Whether or not your ex husband pays now or then is no longer under your control. Besides, if you get the guy arrested and thrown in jail (righteously so) for legally required back support and such, I really don't think that you can expect that he will pony up and pay for optional college....just sayin.

[notbroken]

Legally, at least in my state they ARE emancipated at 18. After that, including college whatever money he contributes is voluntary IMO. Someone can be stupid enough to agree to something else, but that is on them. I chose to continue contributing directly to my children through college - but there was a limit on that. I said no more than 4 years of school and they could borrow if they didn't graduate in 4 because I didn't want them to be professional students on my nickel. It didn't quite work out that way but pretty close. One did borrow money in year 6 (yep - I paid for year 5 and year 6 was on his own - just didn't seem like my responsibility and 20K in debt for someone that now makes 150K+ didn't seem extreme).

 

My wife tried to get me to pay money to her for them after they were 18. Nope, I recognized that for what it was and paid the money directly to my kids and their schools. No way would I agree to any 'debt' in a divorce decree that was not legally owed. It was a voluntary payment to help my kids. I'm sure we will disagree, but in my opinion no one owes money for a kid after 18. They can choose to pay it (and should IMO) but certainly not a debt someone should go to jail for.

[amaysngrace]

https://cordellcordell.com/resources/new-jersey/new-jersey-child-support-paying-for-college/

 

We live in New Jersey

[BaileyB]

My friend’s brother is delinquent with his child support. His ex-wife has gone to court many times, they have done everything from garnish his wages (until he lost his job) to revoke his drivers license (it doesn’t stop him from driving). She told me last week that he currently owes $85,000 in back child support.

 

I’m glad you got some money back.

Edited March 29, 2019 by BaileyB

[amaysngrace]

Wow that’s a lot of money he owes her and the kids. It sounds like he hasn’t paid in a while, years most likely.

 

I’m very lucky to live where I do. He stopped paying end of November and within four months there was a court date, a bench warrant, a suspended license and I got paid back the majority of what was owed in support.

 

Some parents aren’t that lucky, as if raising children mostly by yourself isn’t challenging enough already.

 

I hope she gets the money he owes soon.

[vla1120]

Wow that’s a lot of money he owes her and the kids. It sounds like he hasn’t paid in a while, years most likely.

 

I’m very lucky to live where I do. He stopped paying end of November and within four months there was a court date, a bench warrant, a suspended license and I got paid back the majority of what was owed in support.

 

Some parents aren’t that lucky, as if raising children mostly by yourself isn’t challenging enough already.

 

I hope she gets the money he owes soon.

 

My father left us when I was 3 years old. He fled to California and hid from my mother to avoid child support. After I joined the Navy, my mother notified me that the courts had caught up with my father and he had to either pay the back support or go to jail. I heard he had to take out a loan to pay the back support, but he tried to stipulate that the money should go directly to my brother and me since we were both over the age of 18. My mother asked me what I thought. I told her she and my step-father had raised me for the past 15 years without the benefit of child support, so the money should go to them, not my brother and me. That was the first and last time I heard anything from my father (and the contact was not even with me.)

[amaysngrace]

I love that you’re Navy vla! My brother was too

 

It’s good that they finally caught up with him. I don’t know how any parent would think it’s okay to skip out on their kids but so many do just that. It just puts strain where it doesn’t need to be.

 

My daughter hasn’t seen her dad in three years and says it’s been the best three years of her life. She is still in touch with her stepmom though, even though she and her dad are now divorced.

 

My kids are very fond of her.

[preraph]

I agree the money should go to the mother who was the one who had to struggle all those years without help.

[amaysngrace]

A good parent very often puts their children’s needs above their own if money is tight.

 

Something that has stuck with me for years is a mom who was playing at my table when I was working as a dealer in the casino. She kept losing her money and she went reaching for more and out of her pocket came a food stamp.

 

I was so disgusted by that. She lost so much money that she most likely should not have been gambling in the first place. It just made me so sad for her kids.

[preraph]

Actually, there's a lot of people who will gamble more when broke. I've done it myself (no kids to feed though), but my philosophy was, $100 isn't going to make me or break me this pay period. Hope springs eternal.

[amaysngrace]

Well she obviously had mouths to feed. Plus it was late so why wasn’t she home with her kids?

 

She really upset me, that woman. Plus it was at my table, not that I should feel responsible for other people’s poor choices but it’s just something that’s stuck with me all this time.

[preraph]

I'm always getting behind people in line at the grocery store using food stamps and then seeing them in the parking lot driving some fancy car. Everyone seems to be scamming the system. That's why everything is price inflated here. We never have enough oversight (which costs money) to watch who's scamming the system except the very worst ones.

[JuneL]

Well she obviously had mouths to feed. Plus it was late so why wasn’t she home with her kids?

 

She really upset me, that woman. Plus it was at my table, not that I should feel responsible for other people’s poor choices but it’s just something that’s stuck with me all this time.

 

People like that need help; they likely have addiction issues.

[preraph]

I don't know if it's everywhere, but the casinos in Oklahoma (Native American owned) all have prominent information everywhere to inform gambling addicts and where to get help. You have to realize that there are people who are just addictive personalities who will be some kind of addict no matter what you ban. Like if it wasn't dope or alcohol or gambling, it would be shoes or shopping or whatever.

[amaysngrace]

They have gambling addiction hotline information on the atm machines in Atlantic City casinos.

 

I knew a woman who lost her seashore rental house to poker and then eventually her permanent home. She took all her hurricane sandy relief money and gambled that away too. When her permanent house went to short sale the people thought they could live in it for the summer and knock it down in the fall to build new but it was totally inhabitable even as a weekend home and they knocked it down early.

 

I still pray daily for her kids.

 

The crazy thing is she was the first female craps pit boss in Atlantic City. At one time she really seemed to be living the dream. After poker came the alcohol and drugs for her. It was pretty sad to see.

[preraph]

Yeah, there's addicts out there who will definitely erode their own life one way or the other. It's a brain disease that there's no fix for.