Struggling to find a balance

[alsudduth]

I am a good mom. I know I am. Aside from typical teenage selfishness, my children are for the most part happy, kind, and smart individuals.

 

No one is perfect though, and I feel like I'm failing my children in a major way and that we are getting on a wrong foot for the future, and the worry wort that I am, I can't seem to be strong enough to deal with this issue.

 

The issue is that my children (15/12) are addicted to electronics. 1000%

 

I struggle with this because I know it's not great for them, at the same time I can admit that I myself am addicted to my computer and phone.

 

I wouldn't necessarily say I'm addicted to my computer - but I work from home, and so I am on my computer all day and need to basically be available pretty much anytime that I am not specifically on PTO or a regular day off. Even on those days though, my computer is always on at my desk, and since my office area is not a separate room but a repurposed dining area, I pass my desk everytime I walk by.

 

During regular hours I work long and hard, so when I do get off all I want to do is veg out and mindlessly stare at a funny video or a tv show doing something that takes minimal brain effort.

 

I feel like I've made my kids addicted to electronics because they see me so tied to them myself. And the worst part is that I admit that it's easier sometimes, especially in the summer when they are home and I'm working, to let them do their thing. I feel super selfish for that, and like I've failed as a parent...because now I feel like at their ages it might be too late to change them.

 

I make attempts at times to try and curb it for all of us.

I tried putting data limits on the phones.

I have rules that they can not get on their gaming consoles until their homework is done.

I've tried to implement no screen time other than maybe tv to fall asleep to after a certain time, but I can't stay up later than they can to enforce it.

I've tried getting them to play board games with me in the evenings but they either don't want to, or they fight with each other the entire time making it very unpleasant for all of us.

I've tried getting us to go to the gym after school a few times a week, they lasted about 2 sessions before they started backing out of it.

I've also tried taking the electronics away, and I know that this is not a battle I'm willing to fight them on (and also read articles against this method that made sense for me anyway) Essentially I know I won't stick to it, so I'd rather save the fight.

 

I am admittedly a pushover to them. I try really hard not to be, but I fear the damage has been done. It's starting to show in their grades. Up until this year they have consistently made very good grades (another reason I let the electronic thing slide, they always still proved that they were smart and capable) While my daughter has always been a defiant one, I've seen my son go from a loving and compassionate boy to someone that while still kind and caring, has started slacking at school, not even trying, not sleeping well, and would rather game with his friends online then physically have a friend over to hang out. They have never been much for playing outside (due partially from living most of their lives in extreme heat) and neither of them are readers (Which might be the saddest thing of all considering my husband and I are big readers) We have a bookcase full of books we've tried to engage them with, They have picked out books promising this was going to be the one to get them hooked, only for them to almost never open it after getting home.

 

They fight me on almost everything. From doing their homework to helping with housework. Not to say they don't have their moments of greatness with regards to helping me, I just wish it wasn't so few and far between.

 

My husband started Truck Driving last year, and so it's pretty much just me here with them on a regular basis. I'm tired, physically and emotionally and I beat myself up because it's my own fault. Some days I wish I could just shut the entire internet off, but because of my job I'm tied to it.

 

Has anyone else been in this situation that was able to turn it around with their kids? I don't want to put them on a path of being lazy. I want them to have drive, to want to get out there and build an awesome life for themselves. My daughter is at the age of High School where her grades matter. I want her to care about that.

 

How do you guys balance the new technology age that wasn't around when I was a child?

[Artdeco]

I don’t have kids, but I’ve been observing the same exact issues at my friends’ homes. These are all busy parents, successful in their careers, and the kids are lazy and hardly leave the house. They sit in their rooms all day playing video games after school, or FaceTiming. You are not alone!

[Mr. Lucky]

I can admit that I myself am addicted to my computer and phone.

 

Not that complicated, this is where it starts. You can't expect them to do what you're not willing to.

 

Since I have one teenager left at home and a rotating cast of adult children nearby, it's pretty easy to have and enforce a few simple rules -

 

- no phones at the dinner table, period

- one family activity a week without electronics - hiking, tennis, picnic, etc

- my phone plan, my rules for chores, grades, etc. Can be both an incentive and punishment

- my wifi router, my rules, including shutting it off after certain hours

 

alsudduth, you'd be amazed, the world in general, commerce as we know it and your company in particular can get by without you plugged into the grid for an hour or two. Electronic devices are here to serve us, not the other way around.

 

Unless this is really how you want to live, time to take your life back...

 

Mr. Lucky

[BaileyB]

My boyfriends teenage son is totally addicted to video games.

 

He has a rule - they must do one thing together, everyday that he has his son. That could be throwing the football, playing a board game, playing a computer game, or watching a television show. Given, some of their favorite things are still screen time, but at least they are spending some time together.

[Artdeco]

My boyfriends teenage son is totally addicted to video games.

 

He has a rule - they must do one thing together, everyday that he has his son. That could be throwing the football, playing a board game, playing a computer game, or watching a television show. Given, some of their favorite things are still screen time, but at least they are spending some time together.

 

I find this a very good idea. Simple, yet specific. Do something actively with the parent once a day, or like Lucky you said above, once a week. How old are your teenagers? And are they enjoying the time with the parent, or are they just going through the motions until they get to do “their own thing”? I’ll suggest that to my friends with teenagers.