Author Songbird4 Posted February 10, 2019 Author Share Posted February 10, 2019 If the texts are “innocent”, why are they so triggering for you? Sounds like you’ve rugswept a lot of the marital issues to this point... Mr. Lucky The trigger is because of his emotional affair. He had one a few years back. I found out and he admitted to all of it. Ever since then I’m even more on guard about things that may seem otherwise “innocent” to others. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Songbird4 Posted February 11, 2019 Author Share Posted February 11, 2019 Is he sending these texts to women he works with in his office? If so, he might be well advised to watch his step. All it takes is one inappropriate text, and he could find himself on hot water. This goes beyond how it's hurtful to you. Yes the text was between a coworker. I agree with you. Link to post Share on other sites
notbroken Posted February 11, 2019 Share Posted February 11, 2019 Bad situation. It is probably not realistic that you could divorce and stay in the big house. You'll need to move (hopefully close by), get a job, and all the other things most single moms must do to survive. Your lifestyle will change and so will your ex husbands and kids. However, living in an unloving/distrusting home is bad for your kids. Yes, you both may love your kids greatly but they see your relationship. They will grow up thinking it is normal that their Mom doesn't seem to trust their Dad. You will be showing your children that staying together for the money and everything that means is acceptable. I am a VERY strong believer that two good homes (yes with less money and a smaller house) is way better for kids than one unhappy home with their parents faking it. I lived it. BTDT and my kids suffered for it. I thought 'staying together for the kids' was the right thing to do. I was wrong. Lots of people do fine on what you seem to think is 'shocking low money'. Start building for a new life. Get a job. Learn to live on less money. Even if you stay the potential freedom of not having 'financial handcuffs' will be worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted February 11, 2019 Share Posted February 11, 2019 Songbird, get a job, get a divorce, and get some self-respect. In that order. Women do it all the time. Today is tough love day, btw. He doesn't give a hoot about your feelings. He doesn't care about violating your trust again. Do you want to raise your children in a home like that? Where mom is disrespected?? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
olivetree Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 I know it's easy to say but... You get one life. I'd trade financially stability for self-respect, happiness and the opportunity to find love again with a partner I can trust, who doesn't hit my gag reflexes when I look at him. My mom stayed with her husband because she had 4 kids. Like your husband, he was a lawyer (he's not retired) and she didn't (still doesn't) have a good paying job. She has had a sad life. Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 op, If you don't mind a piece of advice, I would suggest the following. As a member of the marriage partnership, you have every right to say some things are non-negotiable. In your case, marriage counseling should be a non-negotiable. While you are with the counselor, I would ask you spouse to tell you the truth about his behavior and whether or not he has been in a physical affair and any other questions you have. He has agreed to work on himself, and I woudl think that part of that would be honesty. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 15, 2019 Share Posted February 15, 2019 As a member of the marriage partnership, you have every right to say some things are non-negotiable. In your case, marriage counseling should be a non-negotiable. While you are with the counselor, I would ask you spouse to tell you the truth about his behavior and whether or not he has been in a physical affair and any other questions you have. Just be prepared, you may get some answers you don’t like and then, it will make it harder to stay in the marriage if that is what you are bound and determined to do. Personally, I would want to know because then I could make my decisions accordingly.but, you may want to be careful what you wish for... you seem to be using a certain amount of denial to support your ability to stay in the marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs._December Posted February 15, 2019 Share Posted February 15, 2019 The trigger is because of his emotional affair. He had one a few years back. I found out and he admitted to all of it. Ever since then I’m even more on guard about things that may seem otherwise “innocent” to others. I really appreciate all of your comments. Thank you. We talked a lot today. I’m not sure what will happen in the near future but the positive out of all of this is that we are talking and agreeing to figure out what’s best for us and our family. He tells me he will do whatever is needed to prove to me that he is working on bettering himself so he can be the husband I deserve... but maybe I can’t get past certain things. In order for you to "get past 'things," he'd have to STOP lying about what he's really done up until today. The chances are practically nil that his 'emotional' affair wasn't physical - unless she lives on another continent. If they had the opportunity to spend face time together, then it was likely much more than an emotional affair. You haven't NEARLY heard the truth from him about his first affair and yet, here he is again, trying to get himself some more side action. Look, just because this particular time you only found evidence of a breakfast meeting doesn't mean that's all he's ever done. It would be incredibly naive to think that you just happened to catch him the 'second' time he's cheated. The guy is a snake who has lied to you for a long, long time. You need to stop believing his lies that none of this stuff is physical. I'd be setting myself up for an STD screening as soon as possible because this guy is a liar. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs._December Posted February 15, 2019 Share Posted February 15, 2019 Just be prepared, you may get some answers you don’t like and then, it will make it harder to stay in the marriage if that is what you are bound and determined to do. Personally, I would want to know because then I could make my decisions accordingly.but, you may want to be careful what you wish for... you seem to be using a certain amount of denial to support your ability to stay in the marriage. She won't get any truth out of this liar at some marriage counselor's office. You want to REALLY get the truth? Book him for a polygraph. When he fails it with his lies, don't be surprised when he tries to blame the machine for being defective. Link to post Share on other sites
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