Suggestion: if you can, get a friend to assist

[ZA Dater]

Sorry I have to repeat myself, because you have refused to read what I wrote. Your feeling so comfortable with hanging out with females as friends often is the consequence of your own traits and your personality and the general vibe you’re giving off. From that, I can deduce that these traits and personality and vibe are going to negatively impact your dating life, especially with online dating and meeting women in a bar or at a party. In other words, there is the common denominator between having so many female friends and doing poorly in dating. But this conversation gets tiring. Perhaps you can ask your female friends to set you up with an attractive woman they know, and they’ll be more blunt to you.

 

 

 

Ah so another example of prescriptive societal judgement, all that glitters is not gold, who cares if he likes having female friends? Does it really matter to the point it effects his dating prospects, if it does I frankly think that's pathetic.

[LightWave93]

Sorry I have to repeat myself, because you have refused to read what I wrote. Your feeling so comfortable with hanging out with females as friends often is the consequence of your own traits and your personality and the general vibe you’re giving off. From that, I can deduce that these traits and personality and vibe are going to negatively impact your dating life, especially with online dating and meeting women in a bar or at a party. In other words, there is the common denominator between having so many female friends and doing poorly in dating. But this conversation gets tiring. Perhaps you can ask your female friends to set you up with an attractive woman they know, and they’ll be more blunt to you.

 

No, it's because I enjoy their company as people. Whether or not they are male or female is irrelevant.

 

I've already provided some evidence to support my argument.

 

I have already asked my friends. They don't know anyone who's available. Generally speaking, I already know their friends, and they too are taken. I've exhausted my options as far as utilizing my social circle to reach new contacts.

 

I think the response to this can shed light to the issue at hand.

 

That original message was directed at PRW, not myself, hence why I didn't respond.

 

I have plenty of female friends because, as I've already stated, it's a consequence of some of my interests (for example; salsa). I have guy friends too, but they are not the "player" type and are more quieter, may be in a long-term relationships themselves, have other priorities. I don't have less in common with guys, it's simply the case of me knowing which particular type of men I get on with the most; introverts, intellectuals, career-driven / professionals.

 

Ah so another example of prescriptive societal judgement, all that glitters is not gold, who cares if he likes having female friends? Does it really matter to the point it effects his dating prospects, if it does I frankly think that's pathetic.

 

They're grasping at straws, dude. I certainly appreciate the support that's been offered to me, but it's seems because non of their advice has actually helped, they're simply defaulting to one or two ideas for the sake of it. First it was my age, and now it's the fact I have female friends. It's ridiculous. Not to mention I've done my research, sought feedback, and no one else considers this to be an issue. A lot of what I say goes unread, misconceptions are still being bandied around, and my entire situation has been muddied as a result.

 

And, unfortunately, at the end of the day it's clear no one is fond of me here, so ultimately what I have to say is considered irrelevant.

Edited February 12, 2019 by LightWave93

[thefooloftheyear]

Ah so another example of prescriptive societal judgement, all that glitters is not gold, who cares if he likes having female friends? Does it really matter to the point it effects his dating prospects, if it does I frankly think that's pathetic.

 

 

Then why even bother asking for help??

 

I can say I like wearing a pink tutu and glittery chartreuse colored shoes...Of course it's my right to do so, and if I like it, then I should do it, but the minute I ask why people/women don't take me seriously, then I have to take advice (from others that don't have my issues), to dress more appropriately into serious consideration...

 

I can sit there and say "it's just clothing, that's pathetic that people wont take me serious"....And that's ok...just don't complain about it..

 

Asking for help should never be about worrying you may hurt someone's feelings or upsetting their "normal"...Going against the grain is great, but then you have to live and die with that decision..Good, bad or indifferent..

 

TFY

[JuneL]

Honestly the way you responded in this thread also gave us another clue about what’s going on. I doubt you’re as nice a guy as you want us to believe. I’m not sure many women would be impressed with a guy who is rigid, petty and get irritated easily, even those who don’t mind a beta guy. No amount of wealth and accomplishments can compensate for that, though I’m always doubtful when someone self describes as being accomplished.

[Blanco]

Honestly the way you responded in this thread also gave us another clue about what’s going on. I doubt you’re as nice a guy as you want us to believe. I’m not sure many women would be impressed with a guy who is rigid, petty and get irritated easily, even those who don’t mind a beta guy. No amount of wealth and accomplishments can compensate for that, though I’m always doubtful when someone self describes as being accomplished.

 

This. I posted something about this in another one of his threads, but that was mysteriously zapped, so I'll reiterate in more diplomatic terms: The way you phrase many of your responses to people you disagree with project this aura that is not directly confrontational, but still deriding through passive aggressiveness.

 

I think you mentioned being a sarcastic type, but as someone who's also fairly sarcastic, I can tell you there's a thin line between humorous sarcasm and just sounding like an angry jerk.

[JuneL]

This. I posted something about this in another one of his threads, but that was mysteriously zapped, so I'll reiterate in more diplomatic terms: The way you phrase many of your responses to people you disagree with project this aura that is not directly confrontational, but still deriding through passive aggressiveness.

 

I think you mentioned being a sarcastic type, but as someone who's also fairly sarcastic, I can tell you there's a thin line between humorous sarcasm and just sounding like an angry jerk.

 

It’s actually better to be directly confrontational than being petty and passive aggressive, as the former can be manly

[Blanco]

It’s actually better to be directly confrontational than being petty and passive aggressive, as the former can be manly

 

I'm sure the above comment will be misinterpreted as, "See, women like jerks! I knew it!" so I'll be proactive and clarify that what June is (probably) saying is that it's better to be direct about how you're feeling or what you want rather than cloaking those same feelings/desires under layers of passive aggressiveness and expecting the other person to decode how you're really feeling.

[ZA Dater]

Then why even bother asking for help??

 

I can say I like wearing a pink tutu and glittery chartreuse colored shoes...Of course it's my right to do so, and if I like it, then I should do it, but the minute I ask why people/women don't take me seriously, then I have to take advice (from others that don't have my issues), to dress more appropriately into serious consideration...

 

I can sit there and say "it's just clothing, that's pathetic that people wont take me serious"....And that's ok...just don't complain about it..

 

Asking for help should never be about worrying you may hurt someone's feelings or upsetting their "normal"...Going against the grain is great, but then you have to live and die with that decision..Good, bad or indifferent..

 

TFY

 

 

 

Ask yourself why everyone has to conform and why those who refuse to are penalised so heavily in dating terms, think about this, even if fleetingly.

 

 

I don't regret going against the grain, even less so when I see some of the responses here. Frankly I wouldn't want to date anyone who feels they need to conform to what society wants them to be at the expense of being who they are.

 

 

Bottom line is guys wont help other guys, they are going to take what they want first and then offer up what they don't want and paint that as being the best thing since sliced bread, even they would never date those people.

[LightWave93]

Honestly the way you responded in this thread also gave us another clue about what’s going on. I doubt you’re as nice a guy as you want us to believe. I’m not sure many women would be impressed with a guy who is rigid, petty and get irritated easily, even those who don’t mind a beta guy. No amount of wealth and accomplishments can compensate for that, though I’m always doubtful when someone self describes as being accomplished.

 

It's text. There's no emotion or tone that can be taken from it unless I was to explicitly tell you to f'off or words to that effect. If you're offended by an image, not my problem.

 

I've never said I'm a nice guy. I've said that people have spoken very highly of me, with such people having more of an insight into my character than yourselves as they interact with me face-to-face on a regular basis. With respect, I trust their judgement more than I do yours; and no, they aren't lying. Not that I'm without fault, I certainly have things to work on, but all-in-all I'd like to think I'm a decent human being.

 

You can believe what you want about my accomplishments. It was suggested to me I do stuff, I did stuff...if you really want, then I can send photos of my achievements, videos etc, but ultimately you'd still derive some doubt. Again, because of the apparent dislike yourself and others on here have for me, not much of what I say will be listened to anyway.

 

Or, in short terms; "You disagree with me, therefore I'm going to paint you out to be a bad person". Not the first time that's happened, I can assure you.

[JuneL]

At the very least, the above passage seems to agree with my point that it’d be a long shot for you to have decent luck with online dating or meeting women in a bar or at a party: You have serious communication issues and misunderstanding with those you have just met. It’s tiring as you seem to misinterpret things we said quite a bit, due to your strong and subjective assumptions perhaps?

[basil67]

Ask yourself why everyone has to conform and why those who refuse to are penalised so heavily in dating terms, think about this, even if fleetingly.

 

Generally speaking, neuro typical (NT) humans are frequently made uneasy by those who don't conform to social norms. Also add the idea of 'birds of a feather flock together'. Party people hang out with party people. Highly educated people hang out with other high educated people. Low socio economic people stay in their groups. If a person has few similarities to other NT's, they will be shunned. It's a human thing. I mean, there's a whole industry which works to make autistic people blend in with NTs so that they don't stand out as being different.

Edited February 12, 2019 by basil67

[LightWave93]

At the very least, the above passage seems to agree with my point that it’d be a long shot for you to have decent luck with online dating or meeting women in a bar or at a party: You have serious communication issues and misunderstanding with those you have just met. It’s tiring as you seem to misinterpret things we said quite a bit, due to your strong and subjective assumptions perhaps?

 

So, let me get this straight...

 

A thread crops up on the forum that is indirectly aimed at certain members, myself included, to criticize their approach to dating and their personality; this includes stating that such members allegedly do not actually take advice on board and seek attention (which, in my case, I vehemently disagree with). Afterwards, these respondents continue to bring up non-issues concerning the dating life of myself, despite me providing evidence to counter-act their beliefs. As a result of this disagreement, the argument shifts to a more personal attack on my integrity and character, painting one to be a "not-so-nice person" in an attempt to justify their own argument.

 

Meanwhile, I've been on here for 4+ years providing intimate details to a bunch of strangers in the hopes that they would take me seriously and make attempts to assist me in my troubles. Whilst some have, a lot of the time throughout those years I have been falsely accused of lying, of not taking on board suggestions and of providing misleading information. Regardless, I have still endeavored to take on board every suggestion, have done so, and continue to come up short. Despite this, I have continued to focus on my life, have made several improvements, and have become a better person as a result.

 

Please, tell me, if you have bothered to actually read the two paragraphs above; what am I doing wrong here? Because from where I'm standing, I'm being attacked for simply having a difference of opinion (which is more ingrained in fact, hence why I am adamant).

 

In a direct response to your above message; I have had no suggestions from anyone in real life that my communication style is poor. On the contrary, I have been told on multiple occasions that I am good with people, that others respect me, that I come across as confident and self-assured (two recent examples being a girl I met off Tinder, and my mentor this afternoon). Counselors, therapists, a psychiatrist and two dating coaches have all echo'd similar statements.

 

Not to mention, due to the complete lack of potential love / sexual interests in my life, women don't have the opportunity to communicate with me anyway, thus your point is rendered invalid.

[Tristian]

Since we typically discourage starting threads to discuss other LS members, I'm going to save everyone a lot of grief and preserve a lot of posting privileges and just leave this one closed.

 

 

if the Op would like to discuss the dating tactic of enlisting your friends for help, please do so without singling out other members or past threads.