Author foxtrot4 Posted February 10, 2019 Author Share Posted February 10, 2019 You say his wife and son moved out for a few days? And he wasn't falling over himself to see you? This behavior speaks to at least two things: 1. During this time, he was FREE! Or at least, he could pretend to be. 2. The affair with you could be what makes married life bearable for him; thus, your usefulness to him deteriorates dramatically if there is no marriage. In other words, he needs you around when she is around. If she is not around, he needs you far less. You deserve better than this. Vivir, yes! I was so surprised to that he didn't like arrange to see me immediately when she moved out. Before that happened, i really thought he was going to do whatever it took to spend time with me; but now I see that it was actually all about convenience for him. When he had no one/nothing to fill his days, there I was; waiting like a lost little puppy wagging my tail to spend time with him. When i saw your 2nd point, it really hit me hard. I was just being useful to him because his marriage was stale and safe. There was probably hardly any excitement. But in the 4 days the W moved out, he was a free man (albeit probably moping about the fact that the W had taken his son away); he didn't need me. I deserve better. So much better than the little scraps he's throwing my way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Daisy2013 Posted February 10, 2019 Share Posted February 10, 2019 Foxtrot4, you do deserve so much better! Many of us have been in this place, just waiting. There were many times my MM was alone, yet he never called. Just to say hi. Or didn’t shoot a 2 second text. You know what helpled me? This forum. I would read a lot. Also, do things that I enjoyed. After a few days, I would feel myself growing stronger and really not caring. Then, he’d reach out and I’d respond, and here we go again. Use the quiet times for you, strengthen yourself, get to where it doesn’t matter. When you have had enough of this treatment, you will find yourself slowly detaching. Then, keep going. It works. I thought I’d die without him, literally. My story is here, read it. Read others’ stories. You won’t win until you walk. Garner determination and strength. You got this, and can do it! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author foxtrot4 Posted February 10, 2019 Author Share Posted February 10, 2019 Foxtrot4, you do deserve so much better! Many of us have been in this place, just waiting. There were many times my MM was alone, yet he never called. Just to say hi. Or didn’t shoot a 2 second text. You know what helpled me? This forum. I would read a lot. Also, do things that I enjoyed. After a few days, I would feel myself growing stronger and really not caring. Then, he’d reach out and I’d respond, and here we go again. Use the quiet times for you, strengthen yourself, get to where it doesn’t matter. When you have had enough of this treatment, you will find yourself slowly detaching. Then, keep going. It works. I thought I’d die without him, literally. My story is here, read it. Read others’ stories. You won’t win until you walk. Garner determination and strength. You got this, and can do it! Dear Daisy2013, thank you for your kind words! I will go and read your story now, and the others and hopefully find enough strength within myself to slowly detach. Its like in my head I know i shouldn't keep being treated like this, but then.. my heart loves him (or the image of him) Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted February 10, 2019 Share Posted February 10, 2019 I don't know why you're "slowly detaching." That sounds like you'll still be hoping he chooses you. He won't. It's best to just rip the bandaid off. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted February 10, 2019 Share Posted February 10, 2019 I think its important to realize that the lows are part of the addiction, the lows are what makes the highs feel so good. Its the range of emotions that attract most women to affairs, it's what makes them feel "alive". The push pull. Push away and it heightens insecurity, pull in and it makes you feel desired and appreciated. But it's very toxic and unhealthy. Link to post Share on other sites
Daisy2013 Posted February 10, 2019 Share Posted February 10, 2019 I don't know why you're "slowly detaching." That sounds like you'll still be hoping he chooses you. He won't. It's best to just rip the bandaid off. True. But, sometimes it is impossible to rip off the bandaid. The pain is unbearable. For me, it was easier to start detaching. It takes longer and it lengthens the painful affair process, but I found it to be easier on me than to rip off. The rip off would have killed me, for lack of a better word. Indifference was easier. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted February 10, 2019 Share Posted February 10, 2019 True. But, sometimes it is impossible to rip off the bandaid. The pain is unbearable. For me, it was easier to start detaching. It takes longer and it lengthens the painful affair process, but I found it to be easier on me than to rip off. The rip off would have killed me, for lack of a better word. Indifference was easier. I believe this is what most women do at the end of relationships in general. Kinda give up hope and allow them to taper out. At least her feelings, then boom she is over it and the guy is left clueless and confused. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotus_Luna Posted February 10, 2019 Share Posted February 10, 2019 If you dont think you’re atrong enough, that is the addiction talking. I used some coping techniques to calm my anxiety and redirect my thoughts. Yes, you will grieve. But that is normal. Take those moments as a chance to invest in yourself and reflect why you got into an unhealthy relationship. Its going to hurt but only for a little while. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts