agility123 Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 (edited) Hello, Below is my story. My “girlfriend” and I met on a mobile game last year. We exchanged numbers and eventually started “dating” I live in NYC and she lived in Virginia. It was all lovey-dovey and we were saying how we will be together forever, blahblah. Recently, she came to live with me in NYC. Things are totally differentnow that we are physically together and I don’t want part of it no more. I am leaving for a business trip and I asked her to go elsewhere until I come back. I keep telling her to go back to her parents place however she refuses and says she will go to her friends apartment and pay rent with the money she has. She does not work.. and no income. She has money to maybe last her 6 months. I want to take the time when I’m away to really think of everything. If I return to NY and don’t want to get back with her, can I just not contact her? Change my number, and ignore her? Are there any legal issues? Can she sue me for not coming back to her? Can I just completely take her out of my life?? Please help! Edited February 7, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Fix formatting and delete duplicate Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 On what grounds do you think she could sue you? Going silent on her is quite a douche move, but perfectly legal. IT's a lot more humane to explain why you don't want to continue your relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author agility123 Posted February 7, 2019 Author Share Posted February 7, 2019 Hi thanks for your reply. I do tell her. I told her when I come back, I might not come back and to get your life straight and think of what youre going to do with your life... She keeps saying she has no meaning in life anymore and that she'll commit suicide.... Godforbid but if she does.... is that an issue for me? Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 Legally: no. Morally: well, that's for you to decide. On one hand, you're not responsible for her actions, and shouldn't be emotionally blackmailed into staying in a relationship you don't want. On the other, if you feel her threats are serious, you should try to handle the situation delicately and sensitively and make sure her family and friends are there to support her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author agility123 Posted February 7, 2019 Author Share Posted February 7, 2019 I do not have any contact for her friends or family... She is saying she left everything for me, that she gave up everything for me....etc... Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 She is saying she left everything for me, that she gave up everything for me....etc... Recognize the manipulation for what it is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author agility123 Posted February 7, 2019 Author Share Posted February 7, 2019 so it doesn't matter in which way I leave her right? I will have no legal issues whatsoever? Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 No legal issues. It was a foolish decision to give up everything for you, but it was her decision. You aren't legally responsible for her decisions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 Recently, she came to live with me in NYC. Things are totally differentnow that we are physically together and I don’t want part of it no more. Are there any legal issues? I don't know New York law, but her living with you, she may have "established residency" or similar legal term. If she has "established residency" (under New York law) you may have to go through the process of eviction to get her out. Is she receiving mail at your home?? If so, she can legally show that she lives at your place, even if she is not on the lease. It can be a sticky situation. If she wants to leave of her own accord, assist her and help her with her possessions to move to her friend's apartment. Have her fill out a "change of address" card at the post office, photo copy it if possible. This is why you don't invite people to come live with you!! Lesson learned... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SunnyWeather Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 legally, actually, it depends on the terms of your living arrangement- renter or home owner? how long did she live with you? ethically? I think you should be an adult and realize you have to dissolve this arrangement in an ethical way. you said she gave up ""everything to live with you, yes? you allowed this to happen knowing she didn't work? what was the exit plan if things didn't work out? you owe it to her to see this through to a proper conclusion and not just throw her on the street. jeez, how heartless. as far as her threatening suicide? call the authorities and have them do a risk assessment, and they will determine whether she should be 5150'd. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SunnyWeather Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 No legal issues. It was a foolish decision to give up everything for you, but it was her decision. You aren't legally responsible for her decisions. this is flat out false. Happy Lemming explains it well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author agility123 Posted February 7, 2019 Author Share Posted February 7, 2019 shes been here 2 weeks. She hasn't changed anything nor does she have anything associated to my address. I rent the place and basically shes just moved her stuff in 2 weeks ago and has been sleeping here.. I'm not saying I'm throwing her into the streets.. I'm letting her know its not going to work out and I'm willing to take her back to her parents place (8 hour drive) shes just coming back at me with all this... Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 I don't know New York law, but her living with you, she may have "established residency" or similar legal term. If she has "established residency" (under New York law) you may have to go through the process of eviction to get her out. I'm a landlord and I can confirm this to be true. You better hope she leaves on her own accord and take a lesson from it. Don't make major life decisions on impulse, they rarely turn out well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 legally, actually, it depends on the terms of your living arrangement- renter or home owner? how long did she live with you? Well we all remember that "Michael Rotundo" case where the parents had repeatedly asked their adult son (30 years old) to leave and he refused. The parents even offered him money to leave. Eventually, the parents had to hire a lawyer and a judge had to sign an order of eviction to get him out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author agility123 Posted February 7, 2019 Author Share Posted February 7, 2019 So what should my process be regarding this to avoid any legal issues Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 shes been here 2 weeks. She hasn't changed anything nor does she have anything associated to my address. I rent the place and basically shes just moved her stuff in 2 weeks ago and has been sleeping here.. Again, I'm not familiar with New York law. Is there a tenant/landlord service you can call and find out if she has stayed the minimum amount of time?? If she is willing to leave on her own accord, do whatever you can to make this happen, make sure she takes ALL of her possessions, take pictures, etc. In my youth, I invited a woman to live with me and she wouldn't leave. My landlord actually helped me out, he told me not to pay rent and he evicted my unit. On the sly, he rented me another unit he had on the other side of town. I did reimburse him all of the legal costs, etc. It was an expensive lesson to learn at a very young age. Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 So what should my process be regarding this to avoid any legal issues Do everything you can to make her want to leave on her own. Including but not limited to being understanding, and generous- pay her expenses to relocate, that sort of thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 So what should my process be regarding this to avoid any legal issues Similar to "Normm" response. You want to make the "move out" her decision on her own accord, offer to pay 1 month's rent at the friend's place. (Sweeten the pot) Make check payable to her new landlord, put her name and rent in the memo section. The more proof you have that she has abandoned your "rental" and has a new place, the better off you are. Again, take pictures of her moving boxes to leave, packing up, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 Bring another girl home. Do you have a friend who could help you out? Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 My girlfriend was being evicted from her apartment and her idea was to come move in with me. As soon as I caught wind of her plan, I took her apartment shopping and made her sign a lease on a new smaller, cheaper unit. Then I moved all her stuff to the new apartment, when finished she surrendered the keys to the first apartment to the landlord. There was no way I was letting her move one item into my house, as I didn't want her to "establish residency" in my home. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 To agility123: Just curious... did you give her a key?? Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 I've done fairly well with tenants over the last 20 years that I've rented out 2 apartments in a commercial property that I own. I've gotten a lot more careful and selective due to a bad experience I had early on that taught me "no tenant is better than a bad tenant". I had these 2 deadbeats that started bouncing checks, dealing drugs out of the apartment, and the guy would change his oil in the parking lot and leave a huge mess on the ground, and he'd spray paint computer parts and leave outlines of paint on the ground and the fences. After consulting with a landlord/tenant attorney, my best course of action was to pay them to move. I wrote them a check for $2000 even though they owed 2 months worth of back rent. It was faster and cheaper then going the legal route which could have taken as long as 6 months and who knows what they would have done to the place during that time. Pay her to move. Even if it doesn't seem fair. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 "no tenant is better than a bad tenant". Yes... 100% agree!! I tried owning a small apartment building (4 units) thinking it would be easier to collect rent vs. flipping (and selling) houses. Boy was I wrong, never again. In the short period I owned that building I have horror stories that will make your hair stand on end. After that, I buy them, fix them and sell them, no rent to own, no short term rentals, nada. If you want the home, its for sale, pay me a fair market price and I'm gone. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 Pay her to move. Even if it doesn't seem fair. Re-read this over and over, again. BEST ADVICE YOU WILL RECEIVE!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 If you want out, the sooner you tell her, the better. You should go ahead and tell her it's not working and for her to find other arrangements. Sounds like she has some at least temporary options. If she refuses, you file an eviction notice. It takes a few weeks and then if she's not out, the law will evict her. Give her notice IN WRITING that you want her out and give her at least a couple of weeks to get out. Put that in the letter. Keep a copy for yourself, signed and dated. Really, you should notarize it because it can be used later to evict her. Link to post Share on other sites
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