Darren87 Posted February 7, 2019 Posted February 7, 2019 So my ex broke up with me at the end of Nov after 18 months because “even though this is the best time we’ve had together we still get on each other’s nerves”. I dealt with it properly. No pleading or crying. Said I didn’t agree with the rationale and to message me if she ever has a change of heart. Since then I’ve been on no contact. I’ve not heard anything from her, past her liking a few things I’ve put on FB and IG, so I know she doesn’t hate me. I cannot message her as this is the second time she’s dumped me & I know she is the one that needs to make changes. I have far to much self respect to do that. All in all I’m proud at the way I’m handling it. I’ve been hoping for her to reach out but I know she isn’t going to. I’ve thought about her every single day for most of the day day since the breakup and it’s just not letting up. I’ve gone out with 6 other girls, I’m absolutely killing the gym, my diet is super clean (which has left me in extremely good shape) & ive gone out with friends. But nothing has changed. Is this normal to not be a step closer to getting over her after almost 3 months even though I’m doing everything right to get over her?
PegNosePete Posted February 7, 2019 Posted February 7, 2019 I’m doing everything right to get over her? Except severing the social media links. You need to cut that final cord. And then give it more time.
Normm Posted February 7, 2019 Posted February 7, 2019 Said I didn’t agree with the rationale Her: "I'm dumping you and here's why". You: " I don't agree with the reasons". Exactly what are you hoping to accomplish by saying that? Whether her reasons are good, bad, or even the truth, you're still dumped. I know she is the one that needs to make changes. How do you figure? Sounds to me like you didn't meet her needs and you're hurting because you wanted to be with her, so it's you who needs to figure out how you can improve and avoid being the one wanting in while the other has moved on to the next. Is this normal to not be a step closer to getting over her after almost 3 months even though I’m doing everything right to get over her? People heal at different rates and the improvement isn't linear, over time it gets better but there are good days and bad days, setbacks followed by days where you see the light at the end of the tunnel. If you are not feeling any progress after 3 months there may indeed be a problem. Especially given that you were together only 18 months. I'm not minimizing it but it's not like you were together for many years.
Author Darren87 Posted February 7, 2019 Author Posted February 7, 2019 Her: "I'm dumping you and here's why". You: " I don't agree with the reasons". Exactly what are you hoping to accomplish by saying that? Whether her reasons are good, bad, or even the truth, you're still dumped. I don’t understand this point at all. She says “I think we should break up, X is a reason why I think this”. I don’t agree that X is enough of a reason to break up. I’m not going “yeah cool, I agree because you think that way”. So telling her that X hasn’t made me feel that way as well is part of telling her that I still see a future if she ever changes her mind. How do you figure? Sounds to me like you didn't meet her needs and you're hurting because you wanted to be with her, so it's you who needs to figure out how you can improve and avoid being the one wanting in while the other has moved on to the next.[/Quote] How do I figure? I don’t know, probably because I actually know her in real life & to me she’s not just a person who someone I don’t know has spoken about on the internet in a brief run down of a breakup. I know what has happened to her, how her attitude has changed and what has effected her over the last few months. I know her faults which actually make her a bit of a headache to be around and what I would love to see her change about herself if only she actually realised.
skanzer Posted February 7, 2019 Posted February 7, 2019 Probably what is hurting you most, is that you are hanging on to hope. It might be impossible for you to give up hope completely, because the future is uncertain (from your standpoint), she might message you, you don't know. I am going through something sort of similar, only 3 month relationship though, girl 'ghosted me', been around 3 weeks but it's still raw. I remember, when I was getting over a 5 year relationship (extremely difficult), the breaking point was when I knew she had another bf, and even got pregnant. I KNEW it was over by then, and had zero hope (or interest at that point). I guess what I'm trying to say, is that maybe part of truly moving on, is where you come to acceptance that it's truly over, and you 'naturally' give up hope, via time, meeting other girls, maybe you find out she's with another guy etc. It's very tough, I know. Whenever that time comes, I think you are doing the right thing. Staying healthy, focusing on yourself, etc. Don't feel your some kind of mutant because 3 months has passed and you still think of her, it is what it is...and it will pass.
Normm Posted February 7, 2019 Posted February 7, 2019 (edited) telling her that X hasn’t made me feel that way as well is part of telling her that I still see a future if she ever changes her mind. Don't you think she's aware that you still want to be with her and it's not your choice to break up? It's very common for the dumpee to want the dumper to know that they don't want to break up, even though doing so lacks any semblence of reason or common sense. Think about it for a second. The dumper is kicking you to the curb because she doesn't want to be with you anymore. She doesn't care what your feelings on the subject may be. I know her faults which actually make her a bit of a headache to be around and what I would love to see her change about herself if only she actually realised. That's different from what you posted earlier which is "She needs to change". She doesn't need to do anything. In fact you were perfectly ok being with her just the way she is right now. She doesn't feel the same about you. Which is why she dumped you and why I suggested that it's you who needs to change. Edited February 7, 2019 by Normm
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