Obsessed with my husband's ex

[glittergurl]

(so sorry about the double post, but I realized it fits better in this category)

 

I don't know what to do. My husband and I met 2 years ago, he had a girlfriend and I pushed him to dump her because she was really mean and cold to him. He eventually dumped her for me. It all went pretty quick. 6 or 7 months after we got together, I found out he had kept her on messenger, and that they still talked once in a while. I was furious! How could they be talking behind my back?

 

We talked about it several times, and he told me he just needed to talk to her, like he needed answers or something. I mean, I know the split up was fast, but what more did he need?

 

Anyway, I tried not to worry about it, and forced myself not to bring it up again. I figured: "if he needs answers, I have to let him do his own thing, and it will eventually stop". But last year, I was gone on a business trip for a while; when I came back, I found out they had had lunch together! SHOCK How could he? Behind my back! I freaked out again, and he told me that's exactly why he hadn't told me. I couldn't help it, it hurt so bad, it really felt like a slap in the face.

 

Everybody assured me nothing had happened (some of his friends were there), and told me that they had just been talking. Still, I would have liked to know about it, instead of finding it out afterwards, like some kind of secret. This really messed up my trust in him.

 

Part of me knew he wouldn't cheat on me, not physically. But it puzzles me so much to know how he really feels about her. It hurts.

 

We finally got married 5 months ago. Two months ago, I found a chat conversation on his laptop ... he was asking her if it was okay for him to marry me! He said that I really loved him; as if it was the best decision or something. No word about how he felt about me. I was so hurt again.

 

A few weeks later, I can't remember why, we were talking and I asked: "So am I the one you've loved the most in your life?" Which I figured was a pretty sweet question, which would be followed by a sweet answer, as we had just gotten married. He looked embarassed and said: "You know, we shouldn't ask eachother this type of questions." I was speachless, and so hurt.

 

Last month, he started bringing up the idea of meeting her some time. I said "No way". He then said : "she said you could come too". I didn't know what to do. I mean, I wouldn't let him go there alone, but I didn't want to meet her either. I said "we'll see", and we didn't talk about it anymore. But I know it will come up again eventually.

 

A couple of days ago, I got so insecure again, I finally decided to add her to my messenger. Don't ask me why, I don't even have a clue what I'd tell her. I'm stuck, somebody help me. It feels so unhealthy, at least for myself as I now keep my mouth shut about it. He doesn't know it still bothers me, I don't want him to think I'm being a baby about it all.

 

It's been two years, I feel like they'll be in touch forever. I can't take this much longer.