POLL: Do you ever have sexual thoughts about any of your friends?

[JuneL]

Female, 34, in a committed relationship-

Well, my BF was a friend for years before we hit it off. Attraction was always there but there were other circumstances so nothing happened until 3rd year:)

So YES attraction to friends is real. Now I’m too focused Olin him to care and I don’t generally hang out with men, if I did though - of course I might have got attracted. Attraction doesn’t depend on marital status lol, that’s PC bullshyt, only thing that may be different is acting on things or not. But hell YEAH, whoever say otherwise is probably dishonest even with themselves...

 

Attraction doesn’t depend on marital status per se, but there’re plenty of people who willingly marry a man they’re not attracted to. Perhaps you were not really attracted to your past boyfriends to have this conclusion. Of course I can tell you some guy is objectively good looking, but I have no romantic attraction at all when I have a bf. Imagine you had a very good looking brother, you just wouldn’t think of him that way.

[LastStraw]

I was attracted to every guy I dated, and never cheated. I meant more what you said - saying if a guy (or even a woman) is good looking, regardless of relationship status I'll see that and appreciate it

 

For exactly that reason I have no issues with BF watching porn and stuff, I'm open with him discussing what he finds attractive, sometimes I'm taking this to my advantage lol, e.g. with wearing something that turns him on.

 

Attraction doesn’t depend on marital status per se, but there’re plenty of people who willingly marry a man they’re not attracted to. Perhaps you were not really attracted to your past boyfriends to have this conclusion. Of course I can tell you some guy is objectively good looking, but I have no romantic attraction at all when I have a bf. Imagine you had a very good looking brother, you just wouldn’t think of him that way.

[david2]

Personally No. But I’m quite sure a lot of guys have such thought cross their minds about their female friends but they never do we ever act upon it as it is too shameful, and it fills our own minds with guilt and shame. So, as per my experience, if anything does happen, it would only be if the other person shows interest for the same.

[somanymistakes]

Of course I can tell you some guy is objectively good looking, but I have no romantic attraction at all when I have a bf. Imagine you had a very good looking brother, you just wouldn’t think of him that way.

 

According to a lot of psychologists, many people do still have fleeting sexual thoughts about their relatives - though they're usually shocked and horrified afterwards, which is why they end up visiting the shrink.

 

It's the difference between having the occasional weird thought and actually fantasizing, though. Many people have random weird thoughts about all kinds of things without really wanting to do them.

[JuneL]

I was attracted to every guy I dated, and never cheated. I meant more what you said - saying if a guy (or even a woman) is good looking, regardless of relationship status I'll see that and appreciate it

 

For exactly that reason I have no issues with BF watching porn and stuff, I'm open with him discussing what he finds attractive, sometimes I'm taking this to my advantage lol, e.g. with wearing something that turns him on.

 

Of course I have general thoughts, but they’re never about people I know personally. Even with my past bfs, I only thought that way after we had established emotional and romantic bonding. My current bf was the only exception. We met in a semi-professional manner a couple of years before we started dating. I was single during those two years. For me, it was lust at first sight. Whenever I thought about him (during those couple of years, we saw each other every 3-4 months for like 15-30 mins each time), I couldn’t help thinking him in a sexual manner. Whenever I had a bf, I thought he was the one, and no other man in the world could compare to him, even though there might be plenty of other guys who were objectively more good looking

[Els]

Female, married, yes in the past (but only when I was single).

[Els]

Woman, 40, married:

 

I don’t seek out nor have men “friends”

 

I work in a male dominated field. I deal with them all day. I have zero desire to deal with them outside of work.

 

Men exhaust me. Truly. You all are tiring.

 

 

Wow, really? Is your husband an exception or do you feel the same way about him?

 

 

I work in a male dominated field. Men aren't that different from women in professional relationships IMO.

[JuneL]

I was attracted to every guy I dated, and never cheated. I meant more what you said - saying if a guy (or even a woman) is good looking, regardless of relationship status I'll see that and appreciate it

 

For exactly that reason I have no issues with BF watching porn and stuff, I'm open with him discussing what he finds attractive, sometimes I'm taking this to my advantage lol, e.g. with wearing something that turns him on.

 

Sorry I have trouble understanding your post. I also have no problem finding someone I know (man or woman) objectively attractive, but I have no sexual thoughts about them. So you’re saying that you have sexual thoughts on your male friends and that those who said otherwise were lying?

[Wallysbears]

Wow, really? Is your husband an exception or do you feel the same way about him?

 

 

I work in a male dominated field. Men aren't that different from women in professional relationships IMO.

 

I didn't say men were different. I just have zero desire to make any male friends.

 

Acquaintances? Fine.

 

I'm married. And that's the only man I want in my life.

 

My friends are women. I have some male friends from when I was in high school/college that I still associate with...I just see no need to go out and make any other male friends.

[LastStraw]

Sorry I have trouble understanding your post. I also have no problem finding someone I know (man or woman) objectively attractive, but I have no sexual thoughts about them. So you’re saying that you have sexual thoughts on your male friends and that those who said otherwise were lying?

 

I'm saying yes, regardless of relationship status I find people attractive and can evaluate them as f***able or not to be blunt. Obviously the difference will be following through or not.

 

For that very reason I rarely maintain close one-on-one friendships with men (acquaintances is a whole other story, it can be ok if you don't meet one on one). IMO it is just playing with fire. I've spoken to men about this subject and all that were honest would agree that maintaining a friendship with a woman is a risky business, one or both will develop feelings/attraction after enough time passes.

[CantGetEnuff]

I am trying to tabulate results, but a lot of results did not give a clear YES or NO as requested, so there's going to be some interpretation I guess.

 

I'll likely just approach it as, if the person said something other than, "No, never!" then it is a yes. "Sometimes" = yes. "Once" = yes. "When I was single" = yes.

[JuneL]

I am trying to tabulate results, but a lot of results did not give a clear YES or NO as requested, so there's going to be some interpretation I guess.

 

I'll likely just approach it as, if the person said something other than, "No, never!" then it is a yes. "Sometimes" = yes. "Once" = yes. "When I was single" = yes.

 

I think you should add the qualifier: Yes or No while in a relationship/marriage.

[CantGetEnuff]

I think you should add the qualifier: Yes or No while in a relationship/marriage.

 

If I can do that based on the data/responses, I will. It sounds like a lunch-time project now though!

[LastStraw]

I am trying to tabulate results, but a lot of results did not give a clear YES or NO as requested, so there's going to be some interpretation I guess.

 

I'll likely just approach it as, if the person said something other than, "No, never!" then it is a yes. "Sometimes" = yes. "Once" = yes. "When I was single" = yes.

 

Lol it’s the same premise when you ask someone if they are okay pristituting themselves and they say NO and start discussing acceptable prices

[Els]

I didn't say men were different. I just have zero desire to make any male friends.

 

Acquaintances? Fine.

 

I'm married. And that's the only man I want in my life.

 

My friends are women. I have some male friends from when I was in high school/college that I still associate with...I just see no need to go out and make any other male friends.

 

 

I meant this comment:

 

 

 

I work in a male dominated field. I deal with them all day. I have zero desire to deal with them outside of work.

 

Men exhaust me. Truly. You all are tiring.

 

 

Does this apply to your husband too? If not, why do you think all men except your husband are "tiring"?

[Els]

I am trying to tabulate results, but a lot of results did not give a clear YES or NO as requested, so there's going to be some interpretation I guess.

 

I'll likely just approach it as, if the person said something other than, "No, never!" then it is a yes. "Sometimes" = yes. "Once" = yes. "When I was single" = yes.

 

 

There's a pretty big difference conceptually between "Yes in a relationship" and "Yes but only when single", though...

 

 

I mean, your poll, your choice, but the results are meaningless without that distinction IMO.

[Shining One]

There's a pretty big difference conceptually between "Yes in a relationship" and "Yes but only when single", though...

There's also "Yes when sexually starved" vs "Yes when sexually satiated". I know I had sexual thoughts about my female friends far more frequently when I went years without sex. When I had an active FWB (sex several times a week), those sexual thoughts were few and far between.

[Wallysbears]

I meant this comment:

 

 

 

 

 

Does this apply to your husband too? If not, why do you think all men except your husband are "tiring"?

 

I find most people tiring! My husband included. While I'm an extrovert in many ways, I like my alone time. As a wife, mother, friend, daughter, co-worker....there are many days when I'm 'touched' out or 'people'd out and just want to be alone. I am a married woman who works 50+ hours a week in a demanding career, have a toddler, have a senior citizen mother that lives with us, have pets, am socially active and participate in various organizations, etc.

 

My husband completely and totally respects this and will give me an hour of "me" time to just decompress and "be" by myself.

 

I don't think that's abnormal. Or maybe it is? If it is, that's fine. It is who I am and I'm flat out honest about it.

[NorCalMan]

Married Male - I nearly always have sexual thoughts about female friends if I find them attractive.

[Mysterio]

I am a Male. Ag 47, Single. I have female friends. Yes and no.

 

DS-67. I told her that I had sexual feelings for her and she said she knows that and smiled.

 

JC-37. I think she is a very attractive woman and if she wanted to start dating. I don't know if I would shy away from it. She is single, but I kind of want a softer persona.

 

AG-47. She is like a sister to me and I have no sexual feelings to her. She is a very attractive woman, but for me the Sister vibe is so ingrained in me that I don't think of her in a sexual way.

 

It's not a big deal. It's just the shell. I more fantasize about DS a bit more than JC. DS is sweet and loving and giving to m. I think she has a little thing towards me as well.

 

All other women are aquaintances. It is really hard to be friends with women, when I want and desires most in a romantic way.

[Mysterio]

I think its really hard for me to be friends with women. I want and desire physical affection all the time. I just don't have a GF/Wife, presently to have that happen.

 

I am not going to sss a Hookr to make that happen. FWB is a joke. I don't know anyone who would want that. My friend JC is not going to come to me on a day and say hey let's have some fun.

[elaine567]

There's also "Yes when sexually starved" vs "Yes when sexually satiated". I know I had sexual thoughts about my female friends far more frequently when I went years without sex. When I had an active FWB (sex several times a week), those sexual thoughts were few and far between.

 

 

I guess this is a big part of it, and also there is the sexual desirability of the friend to take into consideration too.

If one's friends are not seen as sexually desirable then "thoughts" are not going to happen, unless under the influence of something, or due to "starvation".

 

Many women will friend-zone men, so the sexual attraction was never there in the first place or was extinguished pretty quickly. Men rarely get out of the friend-zone box, so a platonic relationship is usually very easy for a woman.

 

Sex with a friend can then be seen as "Ugh, he's like my brother... no way"

[LastStraw]

That’s a really nice and open representation of what’s going on in men’s head.

 

Of attraction is there, it’s there and vice versa.And it doesn’t mean things need to ‘happen’. It is just an attraction, the same way you enjoy certain flavors of food but don’t eat them all the time. But there is always risk you do if you keep them in short reach

 

I am a Male. Ag 47, Single. I have female friends. Yes and no.

 

DS-67. I told her that I had sexual feelings for her and she said she knows that and smiled.

 

JC-37. I think she is a very attractive woman and if she wanted to start dating. I don't know if I would shy away from it. She is single, but I kind of want a softer persona.

 

AG-47. She is like a sister to me and I have no sexual feelings to her. She is a very attractive woman, but for me the Sister vibe is so ingrained in me that I don't think of her in a sexual way.

 

It's not a big deal. It's just the shell. I more fantasize about DS a bit more than JC. DS is sweet and loving and giving to m. I think she has a little thing towards me as well.

 

All other women are aquaintances. It is really hard to be friends with women, when I want and desires most in a romantic way.

[JuneL]

I think its really hard for me to be friends with women. I want and desire physical affection all the time. I just don't have a GF/Wife, presently to have that happen.

 

I am not going to sss a Hookr to make that happen. FWB is a joke. I don't know anyone who would want that. My friend JC is not going to come to me on a day and say hey let's have some fun.

 

Is your sexy elderly friend DS single? She would make a great fwb, since you both acknowledge attraction to each other.

[Mysterio]

DS has a partner. So she would have to have open relationship for us to hook up.

DS for me has the looks and personality for me to think and act on if she was single

 

 

JC is single. We were hanging out and she does have a look and body type that I am attracted to. Yet her personality for me is not soft enough for me to pursue. It’s like I am more attracted to her looks more than personality.

 

AG is like my sister. She lives in the USA to my Canada. I feel so cemented in a brother/Sister vibe that I never think of her in a sexual way at all and she is married. Her husband is like a brother in law to me.

 

I have the odd Female co worker that I find attractive. I have to have a playful vibe to feel anything. I just fantasize about kissing and making love

To each other. I get more turned on to them being more into me, than me being the driving force into them.