Argued over girlfriend's drinking; she asked me to leave

[Themeaningoflife]

So me and my gf of 2.5 years had an argument over her drinking about 3 weeks ago, after which she asked me to leave and said we're over. I was angry so simply said if that's what you want, packed a few things and left.

 

The next day she sent me a massive email saying she'd alway love me as a friend but feels more like a mother than a lover to me. I went no contact pretty much straight off. I kind of felt a mix of loss and freedom. About a week later she text me saying how close we use to be and now we're so far apart and she feels like she has lost her best friend.

 

I do text back but keep it simple. We have a chat and that's it. Another 4 or 5 days later she sends me a text asking how my driving test went. I told her I had to move it as my instructor has been a bit behind due to the bad weather. She said if I need any help just ask so I said if you're free Saturday I could use someone to sit with me. She said OK.

 

A few texts later she sent me an essay of a text say, she needs to quit drinking as its ruining here life and has cost her her best friend. I sent her an article about quitting the booze and she sent me a single X back. So yesterday she came over for a drive and brought some stuff I left at her place. We drove for about an hour and it was all good.

 

I asked her in for coffee and she said she had to go home and eat. So we said our good byes and went our separate ways, no drama. I guess im just very confused about what she actually wants.

Edited February 11, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Highndry]

She wants to use you as an emotional tampon during her search for a new man.

[preraph]

Well, her saying she feels more like your mother should tell you all you need to know. That, combined with her drinking problem, seem like the end to me. Obviously, her drinking is a big problem. But her stopping won't make her start seeing you in a romantic way again now that she feels like your mother. Don't know how that happened, but once a partner becomes a parent figure, the sex inevitably goes downhill, at least for the one who feels that way, though she may have continued to accommodate you.

 

It's real easy for women to "just be friends" a lot of times. Their number one priority isn't to get sex out of a relationship. Often, they truly do just miss you as a friend and nothing more, so don't let that confuse you. It wouldn't suprise me if there wasn't a late night bootie call before this is all over, though, but don't make too much of that either. Old habits...

[Themeaningoflife]

I've been no contact for a week, well 4 technically if you count the fact that she was contacting me not the other way round. We haven't spoken for a week and I'm in pieces, literally crying (I know man up) It was a very unhealthy relationship but I'm really struggling with hurt

[aliveagain]

Sounds like she has put you in her friend zone. She brought you more of your remaining items so you don't use that as an excuse to drop by in case she has a guest. She's being nice to you and will likely continue to do so until she finds your replacement. Being unhappy(relationship) may be a big part oh her drinking problem. Just my opinion, find someone that is really in to you. As you have stated, "it was a very unhealthy relationship." I wouldn't waste anymore time on this, work on the freedom part.

[preraph]

I've been no contact for a week, well 4 technically if you count the fact that she was contacting me not the other way round. We haven't spoken for a week and I'm in pieces, literally crying (I know man up) It was a very unhealthy relationship but I'm really struggling with hurt

 

 

You don't have to man up and not cry. Cry. You had a relationship and it's kind of tragic because of her drinking. Listen, there are people you will love your whole life but can't be with or live with because of issues just like this one. I have one myself. Don't beat yourself up. Do what will make it easiest for you to move on.

[basil67]

I've been no contact for a week, well 4 technically if you count the fact that she was contacting me not the other way round. We haven't spoken for a week and I'm in pieces, literally crying (I know man up) It was a very unhealthy relationship but I'm really struggling with hurt

 

It's perfectly normal to grieve the end of a relationship, even if it wasn't the relationship which you needed. Part of your grieving involves missing the good bits and there's probably also an element of grieving what you think it could have been.

 

Did you know that crying serves a purpose? It releases natural chemicals which help dull the pain while you get through the process of recovering. It's a much healthier reaction than say, taking meds or drinking away the pain.