How do I find someone?

[ThaAwesomeOne]

Interests: Every major sport, boy bands/pop music

5'7/5'8 145 lbs 18 years old Asian

 

Using the info below: What can I do to find someone? Why cant I now and how do I fix that to be more attractive? What should my course of action be (I.e. a dating site to help meet people, or just a change in approach?) Just any help on the matter will be great. Sorry its so long and potentially time-consuming but theres just something thats not right and it would help me a lot. I know I should just love who I am and honestly I do in many ways but i just want to how to fix what is wrong while still being me and sticking to my personality.

 

Style/Interests:

 

-I always wear white jeans with sports jerseys when I'm not working out/going out.

- I was one of the best football and maybe even basketball players out of 30 or so for my size just based on speed and finesse. I ran an elite collegiate time to 1st base before and baseball is my sport. My long toss isn't impressive but I just have a good finesse/athleticism like ill make 360 layups and sliding basket catches. I loved to carry my baseball glove everywhere when I was in a group home and I would play catch everyday for hours.

- don't like rap music anymore which is probably bad but I love boybands and pop music in a no homo way. I have a boy band to suggest for everyone. I don't really have a this is too whack/"gay" limit but I think I'm making it cool as it can be . I don't like how gangsters don't care and and are all "**** and dismiss em" and the radio songs are bad, and worse than mainstream pop. I also don't like how those 15 year old cholo cats hate me. I also struggle to stand up and fight and I never get visibly mad (but I though that would be great for the emotional side so we could hypothetically spend more time bonding and building feelings.) And I'm not a idgaf person as the only thing I do when I'm piped up is joke around explicity. "It's-in-the ****ing-book," "I have smoked weed before. That was lie." are less crude examples they like though I also like regular old jokes.

 

Social:

 

- I hate socials and dances because I always end up crying or playing with a pack of gum alone since I was 11. My 1s date got on with a 5 ft 14 year old under the table who the boys called "trifiling," and I was left to roam and cry. Then I found a place to post up and take glances at the natural joy they seem to find in life. This was a fairly small dance too. Plus I don't like drugs and alcohol in actuality. Sure, I'll get faded but that's not what I want or am interested in. Is this alcohol and drug thing that unattractive? I mean I guess ill do the weed and codeine too but I'm not doing no e-cig, cig, tweaker or trippy asf stuff in part cuz its lame in effects and style (to me.)

- I have no friends my age and I just talk to my middle aged school driver (its too small to park all day.) Hes a good guy and its cool seeing older people throw their mean side out the window but hes sadly switching jobs next week. I'm kind of a "pussy," and ive gotten flack on that before but I'm not too interested doing what others do for fun and especially not something borderline illegal. I don't like to do much more besides my sports and music but with a girlfriend I probably would feel differently. Like go-karting and mini-golfing is the kind of stuff I have to be dragged out to do but a girl with a decent personality would make it a lot more fun but I would just like the close company.

 

Appearance:

 

-I have a good amount of facial hair and I wear justin bieber kind of hair and I'm cool or "cute," that way but if I slick my hair back I look more ugly than I should. It also doesn't work well without the facial hair but I honestly think I look quite ugly with my hair back which I never do in public. Im wearing a headband right now because the last one was way too short but i don't know.

 

Preferences:

I'm generally attracted to girls with strong personalities and I do have a rigid definition of attractiveness but they'll forget about in 2 weeks or less of dating whether or not they fit this bill. I like white, arab, and latina girls and I could date an Asian girl obviously but not too many black girls. I see more acting "ghetto" and twerking in class so its hard for me to get over how I'm not attracted to darker skin that much.

 

Courting:

I think the problem could be courting itself not so much my characteristics. Ill say hi and wave like they do to me and/or try to get to know her interests or just small talk. They'll often say things like just yeah on a more open-ended ? not lethargically but still. My old female friend is the only big example I have and she'll often go and play basketball or talk to someone else. She said she likes talking to me though, apparently even though I don't make her ball out laughing (I don't think I can with any girl) like other guys and at first she walked with me everyday. I have trouble formulating what to say like I can't freestyle rap at all it would just sound stupid with a bunch of stuttering and when I'm really nervous I stutter a lot. It doesn't happen with girls often cuz I've tried to make small talk with different women and its more of talking to the varsity baseball coach kind of thing. They don't like to ask me questions so it can lead to short silences though. Am I just overly boring or something? I try and be sweet and kind from the "that's okay," to idk gifts (If I ever got to that point.) Yet I get forgotten about in 2 weeks of dating and 2 times I tried not to cry and the girl just sat there.

With my lack of anger, I wanted to develop a consistently loving relationship with someone but its hard to see that happening.

Other:

-I'm smart and have great factual memory as I've never had to study and I spend a lot of the school day sleeping and playing basketball recently cuz I finished all my work even though it would be mutiple pages long (I'm in a therauptic school as I have social/emotional issues and did try to kill myself before, I'm just thinking support from a girl would be personally perfect for me and at least another form of support.) I only study Islam and history from certain areas so I know nothing extra about 1600's Europe but plenty about the story of Jonah in the Quran and hadith or Taiwan under Japanese colonialism.

-I'm not the most noble person though I don't know how noticeable it is. Like I have no work ethic unless I'm supposed to or have to do something though its part mental because i get sleepy doing work.

 

What can I do? Any help? Thank you!

[d0nnivain]

Wear blue or black jeans & lose the sports jerseys. Wear more stylish tops.

 

Make a friend somewhere some how. Talk to a women in your class. Join a study group. Play an intermural sport. Join a campus club or organization.

[Cfgrace]

What DO you like? You've listed a lot of things here (even in the interests section) that you don't like. I think you should start there. Look into meeting new people who have similar interests as you through Meetup.com or by joining other events/groups for things you are interested in that would be more easy for you to talk about. Meetup.com is great because others are looking for the same thing - to meet new people. As an introvert myself, I'll say you do have to go a little bit out of your comfort zone to make conversation at these events but start small, talk about what you know, and don't force it to be romantic. Forging new friendships could blossom into something more later on as you get to know each other. One of my friends even met a new friend of the same sex (platonic) at a Meetup event who introduced him to the girl he is now dating.

 

Be yourself but remember to go in with an open mind. You might meet someone with a differing opinion and if you put your opinions out there so forcefully, you might shutdown the conversation. It's a great way to get into conversation with someone by having a good, healthy (and flirtatious) debate.

[LurkerXX]

Start with cultivating a group of people your age, friends and friends of friends. Do not date from this group for awhile unless you pick up on super obvious, even so with limited experience, mutual interest. Over time, some people may drift away, but others will join. These are people that, even if not a match, will get to know you and may know someone who might be a good match.

 

You can also try on your own to online date, but realize it may take some time time to get the hang of it.