I tried to get back with my Ex girlfriend I dumped. Failed. Now she's texting me

[john123456]

Long story short

 

I was with my girlfriend for 1.5 years

I walked away from the relationship in May 18' because I felt trapped and didn't feel ready to settle down with her yet. Even though I love her. I'm 29, she's 27.

 

After the breakup we kept in text contact

 

7 months later in December 18' it hit me that I walked away from the person I loved the most, and the person who loved me the most.

 

We met up 3 times in December, I gave her a heartfelt letter each time we met up. Letting her know I much I love her and what an amazing person I think she is - telling her I think about how beautiful she is all the time.

And I needed the time away from the relationship to work on myself and progress with my work. I made her into a problem, which she wasn't.

 

Each time we met up she cried telling me I broke her heart and she has pride.

She told me she has been seeing a new guy for 4 months now.

I went all in, leaving no stone unturned, telling her I truly love her.

She didn't take me back.

 

She said her friends and family think I treated her like ****

And her heart is broken

She told me after our first meeting, she was crying to her Mum all night and told

her 'I'm worried I'm not going to love anyone more that John'.

 

I tried my best to get her back, but she didn't take me back.

 

Since our last meeting in December I haven't contacted her.

 

Last week I got a text from her. (Jacks is my friends nightclub)

 

"Hey John! This is super cheeky but can me and a friend come to Jacks tonight?

If you are there it's an added plus!"

 

I'm not sure what she wants?

If she is just using me or she wants to get back with me?

 

I think it's quite a weird reach out since our last heartfelt one to one in December.

 

So I ignored her text.

 

If she got in touch saying

'Hey John, I've been thinking about us, lets meet up and get a coffee'

I would take that seriously and respond.

 

What do you think!?

[d0nnivain]

You will never know unless you talk to her. Stop with the letters.

 

Respond by saying something like, Your message the other night took me by surprise. I'd love to meet to talk about what you meant. Then listen to her. See what she has to say about all this. She is probably fearful that you will get scared & bolt again, leaving her heartbroken all over again. You have a lot of work to do to regain her trust

[The Dude Abides]

You will never know unless you talk to her. Stop with the letters.

 

Respond by saying something like, Your message the other night took me by surprise. I'd love to meet to talk about what you meant. Then listen to her. See what she has to say about all this. She is probably fearful that you will get scared & bolt again, leaving her heartbroken all over again. You have a lot of work to do to regain her trust

 

 

John, I think this is right on the mark. Your former GF rightfully is resentful of being dumped and I am sure she continues to hurt inside if she loved you as deeply as it appears.

 

Maybe it would work for her if you propose the idea that you start anew, go on a "first date", and she can see each time you go out whether or not she can gradually regain her affection, trust and commitment for you and from you. It is of course up to her what she does and how she handles to current BF. Maybe they are serious and maybe not.

[ExpatInItaly]

My guess is she and her new guy are no longer an item, and she's putting out the feelers to see if you might still be interested - albeit in a roundabout way.

 

The problem is that she sent this text last week and you still have't replied. She is going to interpret your silence as a "no," in every sense. To be clear, if you don't want her back, then you are right to ignore it. But if you do, follow d0nnivain's suggestion and reply to her.

 

You will know soon enough if she was really only trying to get into the club that night, or if there's something more to it.

[john123456]

You will never know unless you talk to her. Stop with the letters.

 

Respond by saying something like, Your message the other night took me by surprise. I'd love to meet to talk about what you meant. Then listen to her. See what she has to say about all this. She is probably fearful that you will get scared & bolt again, leaving her heartbroken all over again. You have a lot of work to do to regain her trust

Thanks for your advice

I don't want to go through any more hurt and rejection so thats why I ignored her text.

I tried to get back with her 3 times in December, which was very hard for me.

But I'm glad I put everything out there, leaving no stone unturned.

If she wants to get back with me, she's going to have to put something on the line.

Not some random coded text, thats how I feel.

But thanks for your advice, I think you are right she is scared and I need to regain her trust.

[SevenCity]

I think you don't leave a girl you love. And if you found someone else you liked better in those months apart you would not be here.

 

You really have to ask yourself, why would you leave her if she was that great for you?

 

As far as her contacting, she may want to be friends. Is her new BF still in the picture?