drug use and the relationship

[keiko]

I am in this wonderful, whirlwind relationship that always feels "right". This is the first time I've ever felt so good about something. Problem is, roughly 1 or 2 times a week, my boyfriend does pot with his buddies. I have talked extensivly on my feelings about it with him, and have made my postion very clear:that I dont like it one bit. He knows that it hurts me, but claims that he does it to relax and that its safer than alcohol. But still I remain adamant about it. He says that one day he will quit, but I dont think that one day will come soon enough. I feel like I'm wasting my breath every time I bring up how much his use bothers me. Right now, I know that I dont want to lose him, but I also feel like I cant have a future in this relationship if hes still using. Please help.

[CANDICE]

i don't think your man is interested in stopping his habit . what i would like to know is if you knew he was a pot smoker before you became so envolved with him and if not then i would end the relationship because you can talk until your blue in the face but people must change of there own accordance. and if you did know - then you should of also known it would bother you so much .

I am in this wonderful, whirlwind relationship that always feels "right". This is the first time I've ever felt so good about something. Problem is, roughly 1 or 2 times a week, my boyfriend does pot with his buddies. I have talked extensivly on my feelings about it with him, and have made my postion very clear:that I dont like it one bit. He knows that it hurts me, but claims that he does it to relax and that its safer than alcohol. But still I remain adamant about it. He says that one day he will quit, but I dont think that one day will come soon enough. I feel like I'm wasting my breath every time I bring up how much his use bothers me. Right now, I know that I dont want to lose him, but I also feel like I cant have a future in this relationship if hes still using. Please help.

[WGirl]

Well, people's opinions will differ on this. I don't think smoking pot one or two times a week is that bad if that's the case. There is always the potential of his pot smoking getting worse.

 

I know how you feel about the drug use because that is how I felt about my ex using. He did more than smoke pot once a week. I didn't know that when I met him. I use to tell him it upset me and he used to downplay it of course and he couldn't understand why I got so upset. His drug use was a factor in our breakup.

 

You can't change someone. You can try and influence him and it sounds like you have. It sounds to me like he enjoys what he is doing and he doesn't want to give it up. If it upsets you, maybe you should leave the relationship. Until he quits(if he does), it will always be issue in your relationship.

I am in this wonderful, whirlwind relationship that always feels "right". This is the first time I've ever felt so good about something. Problem is, roughly 1 or 2 times a week, my boyfriend does pot with his buddies. I have talked extensivly on my feelings about it with him, and have made my postion very clear:that I dont like it one bit. He knows that it hurts me, but claims that he does it to relax and that its safer than alcohol. But still I remain adamant about it. He says that one day he will quit, but I dont think that one day will come soon enough. I feel like I'm wasting my breath every time I bring up how much his use bothers me. Right now, I know that I dont want to lose him, but I also feel like I cant have a future in this relationship if hes still using. Please help.

[Tony T]

Use of marijuana is a misdemeanor in most places...even a felony if one is in possession of large quantities. So your boyfriend is a criminal.

 

You are right to insist that he stop this juvenile habit. There are many more ways of relaxing, such as listening to music, meditation, walking, watching TV, etc. There is no need to break the law to relax.

 

You are also right that he's not likely to quit for a good while. So save your money to bond him out of jail when he gets arrested or save your money and get out of his life.

 

I just don't see how you can be happy with someone who does something that is serious, that is criminal, and that bothers you so much.

 

At this point, you are responsible for your plight...not him. He has made his position very clear.

[sweetie]

I'm in kinda of the same relationship right now.I know how you feel but I think you should except him for who he is and not try to change him.I know you may care about him a lot but you just can't change him no matter how hard you try if he has been doing it for awhile.At least he doesn't do it allday everyday.One or Two times doesn't hurt anything.Just execpt him for the way he is and don't try to change him you wouldn't like it if he tried to change something about you that you have been doing for awhile.