I'm between a rock and a hard place!

[Crazy1623]

My bf and I have been on and off but we have been really happy over the last 8 months. The issue is my adult daughter who lives out of town. She doesn't like him b/c she's afraid he will take advantage of me financially and isn't "good enough". When I tried getting them together she went crazy on me. So I avoid telling her I'm seeing him for the time being. He knows she doesn't like him and I feel bad about that.

 

He texted her today to ask if she wanted her name on the some Valentines' Day flowers he was sending to me and she went crazy on the phone with me. I asked her to ignore his request and instead she wrote to him that she does her own things for me and furthermore, what was he doing sending me flowers if we aren't seeing each other! UGH!

 

 

Needless to say, he was hurt and upset and I haven't heard the last of either one of them.

 

I'm in a no win situation. I know she is looking out for me but I must make decisions on my own.

 

I don't mean to blame my bf but he knows how she feels and he still reached out to her for romantic flowers...that makes no sense so maybe he was doing it to see if I was telling her the truth about us??

 

Help....

[Orokotikki]

Sounds like he was just trying to be nice, at worst trying to be helpful healing the rift he caused (unintentionally).

 

Consider your daughters objections, but if they have no substance, tell her so and that she needs to butt out and let you live your life.

[preraph]

Okay, well, two questions: IS he taking advantage of you financially? What are you paying for that would make your daughter say that? Is she right about that? If so, stop being a chump.

 

If you're not loaning him money or paying for things, then why on earth wouldn't you just tell your daughter, "That is NOT true, and this isn't your business"?

 

She's out of line unless you actually are giving him money or paying some bills or something for him. And there's no excuse for you not straightening your daughter out if that's the case.

 

You don't have to get them together, but if you need to see both at holidays, don't be apologetic about it. Stand up to her.

 

 

Does he make less money than you? Is it that she's afraid you'll marry him and dwindle any savings, or what? Need more info. She's grown and it's not really her business if it's just about approving of who you like and not a real issue like money

[Ronni_W]

Crazy1623,

 

That you feel the need to hide the facts, or deceive/lie to her (that you're not seeing this guy), sort of suggests that you are not actually making the best/wisest decisions on your own, for yourself.

 

If you actually are in a 'no-win situation' then it is one entirely of your own making...which also means that you can undo and fix it.

 

It's not on your daughter to be looking out for you, so, if she does feel that need/responsibility, then it also speaks to you having let the ball fall when you actually should have been in charge

of making the play(s) -- for both yourself and your daughter.

 

Why wouldn't your b/f want to know if you are telling the truth about your relationship with him, to your close people?

[d0nnivain]

Hmmmmm. . . where have I heard this tale of woe before?

 

You have never taken any of the advice we have given to the dozen or so other aliases you have posted this under.

[Whodatdog]

Why are you letting your adult daughter, who lives out of town, run your life? Why havent you told her, yes Im seeing him, yes I like him, he makes me happy, and its my life. I dont tell you what to do, and I dont expect you to tell me what to do. If you dont like him, thats fine, but it doesnt give you the right to tell me what to do.

 

Or dont. But dont expect him to stick around being treated like that.