Pressured To Take In Adult Brother-in-Law

[bathtub-row]

There’s nothing to feel guilty about. Your BIL has created his own reputation and now he’s paying the price. He’s unreliable, he’s unstable, and he’s immature. No way should he ever live with you and your husband.

 

Simply say to your husband that BIL isn’t moving in under any circumstances and that’s the end of the discussion. Let him know that you don’t want to hear another word about it. BIL can move into the same place his mom is, can sleep on the sofa or in the garage for all you care and, when he gets the money from the house, they can get rid of him.

[oldtruck]

There’s nothing to feel guilty about. Your BIL has created his own reputation and now he’s paying the price. He’s unreliable, he’s unstable, and he’s immature. No way should he ever live with you and your husband.

 

Simply say to your husband that BIL isn’t moving in under any circumstances and that’s the end of the discussion. Let him know that you don’t want to hear another word about it. BIL can move into the same place his mom is, can sleep on the sofa or in the garage for all you care and, when he gets the money from the house, they can get rid of him.

 

It has nothing to do with the SIL having to do more than her fair

share.

 

It is all about the BIL's negative reputation.

 

It is too obvious why the SIL will not take in the BIL and it has

nothing to do with not enough room in SIL's house or not enough

money in the SIL's purse.

Edited February 26, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed quote

[Kenay2009]

Yes, you're right! SIL & BIL have had many, many differences. They don't get along much because of the way BIL conducts himself. SIL has a huge house, plus she is getting another extension on it for MIL to live in, kind of like an in-law suite. she could very easily home BIL for a few weeks, she has the room and she has the money to do so. However, much like myself, she doesn't want to deal with BIL. He is intolerable. Plus, SIL has two daughters under the age of 10, so I do understand why she may not want her daughters living with him considering the way he behaves. But, still, the burden should not be on me.

 

BIL's and husband's aunt has invited BIL to come to live with her RENT-FREE. She is a widow and lives in quite a big house all by herself. She gets lonely, could use the company and someone to bring her grocery shopping, tend to the lawn, etc. She's in the next state over, about an hour from where MIL will be living once she moves.

 

BIL refused the invite. He doesn't want to go there, complained that auntie would be too much for him to deal with. How ironic lol!

 

This man is impossible. I wonder if he's ever heard the saying, beggars can't be choosers.

Edited February 26, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed quote

[Wallysbears]

Lack of planning on their part does not create an emergency for you. BIL and MIL have been aware that the house is being sold. Both are capable of moving elsewhere. It is not YOUR responsibility to finance him nor is it your responsibility to house him. Not ONE IOTA. He is a grown adult. He can figure it out. And I would FIRMLY tell my husband that if he even THINKS about having BIL move in, that you'll be spending any and all time while he is there staying in a nice hotel suite that your husband pays for.

[Mr. Lucky]

It has nothing to do with the SIL having to do more than her fair

share.

 

It is all about the BIL's negative reputation.

 

Lack of planning on their part does not create an emergency for you. BIL and MIL have been aware that the house is being sold. Both are capable of moving elsewhere. It is not YOUR responsibility to finance him nor is it your responsibility to house him. Not ONE IOTA. He is a grown adult. He can figure it out.

 

Both of these positions. along with the other "hold the line" posters, are RIGHT, caps intended. But in family matters, sometimes decisions are also governed by the feelings of others involved.

 

My sister, long single after her divorce, met and married a guy who's focus seemed to be accumulating every expensive toy he could get his hands on - RV, dune buggy, motorcycle, 4-wheeler and finally, a second home near his playground. Knowing their modest financial situation, we all talked to her about the wisdom of depleting assets and taking on so much debt, to little effect.

 

She eventually fell seriously ill and, somewhat predictably, he bailed taking the insurance coverage with him (and subsequently had his own medical issues). The RIGHT thing to do would have been telling her she put herself in this predicament, up to her to figure it out. Of course we didn't do that, as siblings we helped her with both the logistics and expenses involved in facing a life-threatening condition.

 

I'd guess the OP's husband feels a similar obligation. Fortunately, there are different ways to help out...

 

Mr. Lucky

[NotADayGoesBy]

 

BIL's and husband's aunt has invited BIL to come to live with her RENT-FREE. She is a widow and lives in quite a big house all by herself. She gets lonely, could use the company and someone to bring her grocery shopping, tend to the lawn, etc. She's in the next state over, about an hour from where MIL will be living once she moves.

 

BIL refused the invite. He doesn't want to go there, complained that auntie would be too much for him to deal with. How ironic lol!

 

 

You have GOT to be kidding me. Just keep throwing this back at them--he has a place to stay; he just chooses to not go there. It's up to him to make other arrangements if he's so picky.

 

This man is not disabled in any way. What makes everyone think you and H (newlyweds no less!!) should have to shoulder any of this burden? You have excellent reasons to refuse re: concerns for your safety. As far as I'm concerned that is more than enough reason to refuse. He does not *need* to stay with you. There is no need there--he just wants to.