Utter loneliness

[ChrisDan]

My GF met me at a time when i was caring for my ill mother.....she knew my situation and it never put a dampener on our relationship.....until that is she started to pull away...and at the same time my mother was getting sicker.....

Then she came back, for a little while, then told me she didn't want a relationship......there were other factors at play but i knew the stresses were making me needy and emotionally weaker.....but i played it cool and she came back again two weeks later and we had a cosy little time over Xmas.....till she went cold again after a drunken call in which she said she wanted to be BFF and i declared my love.

All the while my mother was fading out.....and towards late January my GF came back again.....just at the point my mum was going into hospital for her last few days......i didn't tell the GF, just wanted to have some fun as a regular human being......but again, the stresses of it all got to me and i'd lost my charm and easy-going rapport with her, i was friend-zoned again.

Then, my mum died, and the GF was very supportive and sweet once i'd told her, she drove me to the hospital and was caring and considerate

A few days later however i had to pick up the death certificate and the GF had previously offered to drive me out again....she did, but she was a different person (i should point out she has manic mood swings) she was grumpy and bad-tempered, didn't help me feel any better on the day.

And that was the last time i saw her.....she's now gone completely distant on me, hasn't once asked me how i'm doing for over a week now

I'm dealing with a lot, funeral arrangements etc....i have no other family, feel all alone and the one other person i care about has shown no concern and is shutting me out at a time when i could do with her company the most.

[Orokotikki]

Maybe she just giving you space and not sure how to act.

Sorry for your loss, I am sure this is a hard time.

Be grateful for what she has done and give yourself some time grieve and move forward with your life.

[nolanola]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother. That is incredibly difficult to deal with. I'm sure this woman isn't intending to be so cold to you and it may be like Orokotikki says, that she is uncertain about how to act with you. Many, many people struggle with grief and feel awkward. Do you feel comfortable in calling her or reaching out to her? Maybe she would listen but doesn't want to reach out and make you feel worse? I know it must feel terrible in that you want someone to turn to in this time and you feel she's not there. Do you have any other friends you can turn to? Are you a person of faith? Maybe a pastor or someone like that? Several people have mentioned grief support groups - these might be helpful.

 

As much as you'd like to connect with this woman, she sounds somewhat emotionally unavailable right now. Why she is acting like this is uncertain, but you need support and I don't think you're going to get it from her.

[ChrisDan]

Thank you both for your replies........it is helpful to have another perspective

 

I know she possibly could feel awkward around me just now, and perhaps can't deal with my stresses on top of her own, which is why she's shutting me out

It doesn't make it any easier though, other than a close online friend she's the only person i care about and with my head being all over the place just now it feels like she just doesn't care at all

I'm tempted every day to reach out to her but i don't want to be chasing her and weakening my position with her any further, she's already seen me at my most vulnerable, i never wanted that....All i wanted was to be strong for her but i had to lean on her and i didn't like it

Just getting on with doing what needs done and trying to think positively that our relationship isn't done at the same time as grieving over my mother.

I'm sure she is thinking of me and maybe wants to reach out......Well, i'd like to think so

 

Again, thanks for your replies

[d0nnivain]

My condolences on the loss of your beloved mother. I'm sorry your GF is not being supportive. Bury your mom & grieve for her. Consider joining a grieve support group.

[nolanola]

@ChrisDan, there is no weakness in being honest and real with people. Your mother just passed away and that is so incredibly hard. It's ok to vulnerable with someone, especially someone that has been close to you. You have nothing to feel badly about in how you have acted with her. With someone that I was dating, I would not think less of him if he showed sadness or fear when he was grieving.