when he is mad he is really mad

[monica]

i have a question about my boyfriend, i have been with him for a very long time, we are both in our fourties. for the most part we get along very well but sometimes he gets mad at me and says things that are very hurtful.

 

i only work parttime and sometimes he may want me to help him with somethings from his job and i don't really want too, and even if i say yes i will he still knows that i don't want to.

 

he pays for a majority of the bills and rent and feels that i should help him whenever he wants me to because he does pay for most things.

 

so when i don't want to he gets mad and calls me lazy or tells me i'm selfish, or he reminds me of all he does for me, etc. these things that he says are extremely and i never hear them from him except when he gets mad.

 

should i believe that what he says when he is mad are his real feelings or just anger? if they are his real feelings i'm not so sure i want to stay with someone who has such a low opinion of me when i don't want to help him out.

 

we have an agreed amount of money that i pay and pay it for rent but sometimes he helps me with some other bill that i may get, not always but sometimes i work gets slow and he offer's to help me, and i never ask him to help me though.

 

also, he loves me very much, he always tells me how much i mean to him and how precious i am to him but when he gets mad it's like everything nice he says to me gets wiped from my mind and all i hear is his hurtful words. what can i do?

[Tony T]

This has gone on for a very long time and you haven't been able to do anything about it thus far...so why do you think you could do something about it now?

 

By putting up with it, you make it last all the longer. If you tell him to just plain stop his griping or you'll leave, he will either stop or you can leave.

 

I don't think you have the guts to leave.

[Miss Mojo]

...jenny?,

 

have you considered seeing a counsellor or going to a support group of some sort? if you have a good look, you will find some that cost very little and possibly some that cost nothing at all.

 

i think overall, you are letting yourself down here by being so willing to put up with all of this. if this wasn't bothering you on such a frequent basis, you wouldn't feel the need to post here....think about it....you're nowhere near as happy as you could be are you?

 

i can't help but feel if you stay with this guy, you will never know what it's like to be truly happy, and what it's like to have some control over your own emotions. you don't deserve to feel so miserable about your relationship when there are so many great guys out there. do something constructive about this relationship and you will feel so much better about yourself and your life in general.

 

good luck

[tramp43]

Why don't you want to help him when he obviously does alot to help you? Are you lazy?

...jenny?, have you considered seeing a counsellor or going to a support group of some sort? if you have a good look, you will find some that cost very little and possibly some that cost nothing at all. i think overall, you are letting yourself down here by being so willing to put up with all of this. if this wasn't bothering you on such a frequent basis, you wouldn't feel the need to post here....think about it....you're nowhere near as happy as you could be are you? i can't help but feel if you stay with this guy, you will never know what it's like to be truly happy, and what it's like to have some control over your own emotions. you don't deserve to feel so miserable about your relationship when there are so many great guys out there. do something constructive about this relationship and you will feel so much better about yourself and your life in general. good luck