A Second Chance

[NEB01]

I'll try to keep this short and sweet.

 

I met a girl last March and we fell in love instantly. In October I started a business that required a ton of attention. The business took off and I let money and work consume me. I put everything before her..

 

I always blamed it on her, saying I'm building a future for us and shes not getting it, she started going a bit crazy but now I see that I caused it. She constantly told me that "she loves me, but doesn't like what I've turned into." The writing was truly on the wall.

 

Fast forward to the beginning of December, I texted someone in my family and said that I can't do it anymore, shes crazy and won't let me work. I was acting suspicious. She saw the conversation and burst out in tears and left my house. I texted her the next day and ask if shed like to get together and talk about why I said it. She said their is really no point everything she needed to know was in the text. I just said that is true and didn't talk to her for until newyears,

 

I wished her a happy newyear and that 2019 was going to be a good year and I hope she could be part of it, we talked for a couple days but it was just her constantly reminding me of what I did wrong. It was getting tiring so I said I have to break it off for good and didn't contact her again.

 

She "accidentally" sent me a picture on social media of her and her sister about 2 weeks later and when I called her out on it she was rather sour so I just stopped responding because I knew the wounds weren't healed.

 

On Feb. 8th I sent her flowers for her birthday with a note saying: Thank you for all you did for me, all the best in 2019. The note didn't have my name on it and she texted me right away asking if it was me. I didn't reply for 3 days because I knew shed be out having fun.

 

When I replied she said thank you so much etc and we kicked off a conversation. The conversation was great, I asked if shed like to meet up one night this week and she said she doesn't think she can because she can't forget the past. We have talked since, she does not initiate conversations, our conversations just kind of flow from day to day, shes very responsive though. I've asked her to get together a few times and she just keeps saying the same thing, I can say all I want but my actions showed differently.

 

Her most recent text last night was a response to me saying : "Are you seeing someone? Just thought I'd ask". She says "No, not that it's any of your business." I said "well its just something id like to know if I'm talking to you" and she responded with "we aren't "talking" I told you i dont think i can try again, I'm not ready for that", I said "blah, thought I could change your mind over time" and she responded with "I know you are, and I was hoping youd be the one id spend forever with 4 months ago, damage can't be undone, I'm sorry , how you made me feel is why I can't do it again"

 

And now here we are today with conversation back to normal, shes not flirting or really asking me any serious questions. But definitely holding a conversation and not leaving me hanging.

 

What do you think I should do? I really do love her and can definitely see myself with her, but she isn't willing to get together and talk/rekindle. Is she wanting me to keep trying and showing her I've changed or am I wasting my time.

 

On a side note, I am not near as involved in work anymore, and have hired people to do most of it, I have plenty of free time to spend on her which I have explained.

[Mrin]

Leave the woman alone and let her heal.

[Garcon1986]

I would take this as a life lesson mate, a GF needs time. She didn’t like the work version of you, any chasing will look weak and make you even less desirable. The next bus is always in 15 minutes ; I would start over.

[d0nnivain]

You are still trying to build a business. Do you really want to flip this script & spend 100 hours a week on her & 10 on the business? Yes, my numbers are a bit of an exaggeration but she's not supportive of your entrepreneurial endeavors. Go read a book called Profits Aren't Everything; They Are the Only Thing. Then decide if you can give your EX the time & attention away from your business that she demands.

[NEB01]

You are still trying to build a business. Do you really want to flip this script & spend 100 hours a week on her & 10 on the business? Yes, my numbers are a bit of an exaggeration but she's not supportive of your entrepreneurial endeavors. Go read a book called Profits Aren't Everything; They Are the Only Thing. Then decide if you can give your EX the time & attention away from your business that she demands.

 

 

I'm just saying that's the reason I'm giving it another shot, I now have a much better work/life balance. I was working from 7-midnight every night, I am working regular hours now. Not because of her but just because I have hired people to take on the work load. Much better for my health too.

 

You can build a business while focusing on the people you love, you have too. I'm just trying to determine what to do. I really don't have any interest in dating others at the moment, I'd like to be with her, but if she isn't interested I'm just wasting my time.

[NEB01]

Just sent her a nice message:

 

I've really enjoyed talking to you, we shared too many good times to be on ignore to each other. We only knew each other for a short period but really had so much fun together. A summer that will be tough to beat.

 

I'll leave you be, I don't want to confuse you or make moving on more difficult. I'm open to talking but I'll leave it to your terms.

 

I hoe I can hear from you often, and you can come to realize I've changed.

[NEB01]

Her response:

 

I would never ignore you, I'm not the one that went and clocked you on everything lol..

 

Yeah I'm totally okay to talk to you! That's not a problem at all.

[NEB01]

So that really didn't work.

 

Immediately after we exchanged the messages above she started sending me songs, asking me questions about my job, etc. Roughly 2 minutes between each response.

[Orokotikki]

What exactly is your goal?

[NEB01]

What exactly is your goal?

 

 

Hey Oroko,

To get back together. Now that my time has freed up and accepted my faults.

[Garcon1986]

So present yourself as a strong man and don't try to convince her that you are worthy. Show her you are worthy by giving her an offer that is an awesome date. She gets to refuse and lose out if she disagrees. Be humorous about it too.

[NEB01]

So present yourself as a strong man and don't try to convince her that you are worthy. Show her you are worthy by giving her an offer that is an awesome date. She gets to refuse and lose out if she disagrees. Be humorous about it too.

 

Garcon, I have asked her out. But she gave me the "im not ready yet" type thing.

 

If you read the whole original post its mainly what this was about.

 

It's weird, shes talking to me now like it's her last day on earth. We're laughing our asses off and asking each other questions etc.

[Garcon1986]

then ask her out again and leave it at that. No begging or goading is allowed

[NEB01]

then ask her out again and leave it at that. No begging or goading is allowed

 

Shes sending me pictures of us in the summer now saying good times.

 

Do you think I'd be best to wait it out a couple days maybe before asking again? I was pretty annoying/persistent on it over the past couple days.

 

Maybe spend some time giving her a laugh and having mature conversations before asking again?

[Garcon1986]

Very reasonable man, try to generate good feelings again. Make her want to be around you.

[NEB01]

Very reasonable man, try to generate good feelings again. Make her want to be around you.

 

Literally feels like the first days we met right now, I really like it, shes telling me how jealous she is of her sister going on vacation with her boyfriend.

[Garcon1986]

keep up the good work man, you know you've done a good job when meeting up becomes her idea.

[NEB01]

keep up the good work man, you know you've done a good job when meeting up becomes her idea.

 

Thanks for the help, I'll stick it out for a couple days not asking for a meet up. Maybe after some good conversation she will be "ready"

[NEB01]

Send her Valentines cupcakes to work today, a small gesture, but she said it was very cute.

[SevenCity]

So now you basically have a girlfriend you can’t see or have sex with.

 

Women are happy to keep the “friends” part of a relationship. She’s getting what she needs - attention.

 

Meanwhile, you are wasting resources on someone who has shot you down numerous times.

 

Also, if you really loved her, I doubt you would have said you have to get out.

 

I would stop wasting my time and cut the convos. If she wants to see you, she’ll let you know.

[NEB01]

So now you basically have a girlfriend you can’t see or have sex with.

 

Women are happy to keep the “friends” part of a relationship. She’s getting what she needs - attention.

 

Meanwhile, you are wasting resources on someone who has shot you down numerous times.

 

Also, if you really loved her, I doubt you would have said you have to get out.

 

I would stop wasting my time and cut the convos. If she wants to see you, she’ll let you know.

 

Yep,

Pulled the plug tonight.

[ExpatInItaly]

So now you basically have a girlfriend you can’t see or have sex with.

 

Women are happy to keep the “friends” part of a relationship. She’s getting what she needs - attention.

 

Meanwhile, you are wasting resources on someone who has shot you down numerous times.

 

Also, if you really loved her, I doubt you would have said you have to get out.

 

I would stop wasting my time and cut the convos. If she wants to see you, she’ll let you know.

 

I agree.

 

She’s lonely and likes the attention from you, OP, but I don’t think this is going end the way you hope.

[NEB01]

I agree.

 

She’s lonely and likes the attention from you, OP, but I don’t think this is going end the way you hope.

 

I agree as well, I thought back to when I had done this exact same thing to girls. I blocker her number last night.

 

Judging by how I feel today I was just doing it for an ego boost.

Edited February 15, 2019 by NEB01

[NEB01]

Just a quick update, still dealing with this one!

 

If I could give advise to anyone, it would be BLOCK your ex's number, I got over this one immediately after blocking, I think it's because the thought of waiting for a text or call escapes your mind.

 

So I had her number blocked up until a couple weeks ago when a mutual friend had committed suicide. She started sending me screenshots of all the messages she had been sending since I blocked her, they were mostly songs like "Think about you," etc. I just responded with maybe you should be sending songs like that to me if you have a boyfriend, she said well we weren't dating at the time, I just ignored here until I got this the other day. I went back to not responding to her.

 

Well, I got more from her yesterday, questions she already knew the answer too.

 

https://i.ibb.co/nLXnCq7/90-A52-DBA-16-A0-4205-BB68-002480-CD5115.jpg

 

https://i.ibb.co/PFz4bn2/E55-D6829-219-E-424-D-86-C1-F608245959-F1.jpg

 

https://i.ibb.co/zhnsnf6/D7367098-4237-46-EB-8-E82-37-DADAEE16-F8.jpg

 

https://i.ibb.co/WFxJJfc/39-E6-DB2-B-3-D4-B-4792-B757-B8-CF2-A977-A0-D.jpg

 

https://i.ibb.co/rcwLqPp/C93-A5-B43-C9-A6-4-AED-9-DD6-DB51592-C1510.jpg

Edited April 26, 2019 by NEB01

[NEB01]

Thought I would update this post, after I broke things off, she kept finding random excuses to text me, I blocked her. I unblocked her about a month ago and she wished me happy birthday.

 

She asked me to hangout, we did and she fell back in love and a couple days later I had to tell her I didn't have the feelings I used to.

 

My family also wanted nothing to do with her because she jumped right back into a relationship after we broke up (which ended up failing pretty quick). They don't look to highly upon things like that.