Author Garcon1986 Posted February 15, 2019 Author Share Posted February 15, 2019 Can I see an example of attractive romantic banter? I'm fully aware I can't copy and paste the words, but I've never had the privilege of seeing an example of exemplary flirting ever in my life so therefore this is one of the last areas where I'm flying blind. I laugh at jokes like, well two blokes made craft beer once. One was called Kiss the Alderman. One was called Retail Park. The other was called, not now madam. Another joke - three mates went into a pub, for a beverage. John tells Oliver, oh, I think I need help mate, I've been having recurring dreams of being a potato. Gordon tells Oliver - oh don't worry about John mate, he only has those dreams when he's mashed. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted February 15, 2019 Share Posted February 15, 2019 ^^^ Check out some romantic comedies. Compare what you would do if you were in the male lead’s position. Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted February 15, 2019 Share Posted February 15, 2019 Most men I've met who are really consumate light banter experts are either French (almost innate) or made it seem like they were effortlessly improvising in the moment. They just 'have' it. I don't know that these skills can be taught on a forum - the delivery, twinkle in the eye, tone and body language is everything. Are you doing all this only to impress girls? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Garcon1986 Posted February 15, 2019 Author Share Posted February 15, 2019 I will say that in my experience, very few skills are impossible to train. I am determined to get into a new long term relationship. I am learning that my life skills are not helpful in flirting, so I am learning how to make women comfortable around me. I think you have that opinion about French people partially because you think the French and their accent is attractive Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted February 15, 2019 Share Posted February 15, 2019 Sure all skills can be taught, I agree - I'm just saying it might be difficult to be taught it on LS. This needs to be done live, imo. I'm French btw - probably why I'm biased Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted February 15, 2019 Share Posted February 15, 2019 Ok, so what is popular in your area? Sports teams? I think you've said you aren't into that. What about popular tv shows? Are there any popular local artists? Something that is getting popular around here are places like this: https://www.urbanaxes.com/?gclid=CjwKCAiA45njBRBwEiwASnZT5xkhQthlhumSbswDpsQGBRv9OzF3MQVV5lrtP0WoG-bFGgDrGIJpqhoCCdsQAvD_BwE (Escape Rooms were popular then became boring and cliche...this has become the 'new' thing to do) Do they have anything like that there? I'm trying to think of topics you can talk about and potential dates where there won't be a lot of pressure on forcing small talk at first for you. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted February 15, 2019 Share Posted February 15, 2019 I agree, I think most skills can be taught. Fine turning intuition, interpretation of body language etc I believe is a bit more difficult than learning a foreign language for example. It’s not facts, it’s all nuance and perception. For example I teach horse training. I can tell a student do x, y and z when the horse does this or that. But teaching timing and feel is much much more difficult. Honestly some are naturals, and some despite decades of study have all the “technique” but their timing still sucks - and timing is one of the most important aspects. It’s very much the same as learning how to have fluid natural interactions with women. Some are just born with it, others can study, and some I feel, are always going to be a bit “off”. It’s not something you can learn by reading a book. It’s going to come about by experience, trial and error. Observing others who have a natural knack for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Garcon1986 Posted February 15, 2019 Author Share Posted February 15, 2019 (edited) Ok, so what is popular in your area?<snip> They do have escape games here, its just that mainly couples and colleagues play. I could explore axe throwing. Edited February 18, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted February 15, 2019 Share Posted February 15, 2019 Also, you may want to look into trivia events at local pubs. Those were always popular back in my college/post college days. And I know a lot of pubs around here still run them regularly. Even doing something like that can give you more to talk about on dates. And open up your social circle. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted February 15, 2019 Share Posted February 15, 2019 I am trying to use OLD as a tool to do a little pre screening to see if I can get an actual exciting conversation going , before agreeing to a date. If I get three word responses, real life conversation won’t be any better eh? My advice was for online dating. But yeah waste of time eh? Link to post Share on other sites
LurkerXX Posted February 15, 2019 Share Posted February 15, 2019 Ok, as far as the train hobby joke.....try to make it sound like a happy coincidence that you share an unusual hobby and less like she has some sort of disease. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted February 15, 2019 Share Posted February 15, 2019 The thing with the OP is, I don’t think he may not come across as very intellectual by strangers; rather, he’s eager to show off his list of “accomplishments”. Definitely the impression I got, which is why I asked what sort of things he would want to know about a potential date and if he is curious about them, or does he just want to cut to the chase so he can fascinate them with his monologue about solar flares. I think that having some conversation starters and interesting questions up your sleeve would help. Jumping in to 'romantic banter' in the first online dating message is going to be difficult. 'Man with a handbag' is bizarre, not complimentary and may be seen as derogatory. That message went way off the rails, what a train wreck. Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted February 15, 2019 Share Posted February 15, 2019 As most women (I guess), I like when men write me a first witty message related to something I have in my profile. For example I say I speak 4.5 languages, that I’m into music, politics, history, tech, science, nerdy stuff, etc. Cool messages are the ones where the man either says something about my fave interests or relates them to something he also likes. For instance they ask me what the .5 means. Then I tell them it’s a language I started to learn but can’t really speak. That’s WAY better than “hello how is your week going?” I’d avoid making jokes that can be construed as misogynistic/homophobic or can offend someone’s tastes. I suggest that when you have a new online date interest you come here with some pointers and everyone helps you in answering her messages. Maybe then we could all “train” you to be light & fun in the first messages? You are well liked here and I’m sure everyone will be willing to help. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JustGettingBy Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 (edited) <snip> ASD (if that's the case) and dating online is, to me, not a great match. Good luck in any event. Agree with the bolded part. This comes from experience. Edited February 18, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 Agree with the bolded part. This comes from experience. I think online dating is by definition superficial in the initial stage. So it’s harder for those who don’t have the traits to appeal to the broad audience. Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 I think online dating is by definition superficial in the initial stage. This cuts both ways. Superficial is not appealing, to a lot of us. It's not about traits, it's about having to mould yourself into the standard fit. There is nothing more homogenising (and depressing, to me) than online dating. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 I think online dating is by definition superficial in the initial stage. So it’s harder for those who don’t have the traits to appeal to the broad audience. I think all dating is superficial in the early stages, not only online. We look, we assess, we judge yea or nay. Those with traits that fail to broadly appeal will struggle whether online or IRL Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 I think all dating is superficial in the early stages, not only online. We look, we assess, we judge yea or nay. Those with traits that fail to broadly appeal will struggle whether online or IRL Not sure I agree with that. The judging in real life is a lot more organic - online, there is a bunch of ready-made boxes that you need ticking. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 I think all dating is superficial in the early stages, not only online. We look, we assess, we judge yea or nay. Those with traits that fail to broadly appeal will struggle whether online or IRL There’s a dating guru who met his wife at a party, when both of them were actively online. This guru was an inch shorter than his wife’s height range requirement set online, and his wife was divorced then and a little older than his age range requirement. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 They may be more "organic" or not so conscious perhaps, but they are probably the some boxes. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 This cuts both ways. Superficial is not appealing, I agree, 100%...but which may just be because of my (ancient) age. But, as far as using 'current-age' technology, Isn't it about adapting to the platform that one is using, though? Once we *know* that the platform we're choosing means initial superficiality, then we have the knowledge of what we need to expect, and how we need to act, initially? And, if we don't like it, then don't we need to look at our own reasons/wisdom for why we're still using that particular platform to achieve our aims and goals? For OP, it seems to me that there is just all kinds of unrealistic expectations of people, in general. (Nothing to do with online dating, or meeting potential dates in real life. There just isn't, that I can see, enough space for actual real life to happen in the lives of other people, for what OP says he wants for the experiences and interests of the actual, real-life people of his 'dating pool'.) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JustGettingBy Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 I think online dating is by definition superficial in the initial stage. So it’s harder for those who don’t have the traits to appeal to the broad audience. True. I would say the two points do share a cause and effect. Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 They may be more "organic" or not so conscious perhaps, but they are probably the some boxes. I don't really know, in truth. I know nothing of online dating other than it seems draining, time-consuming and constraining. I don't date, but I would still need to see and hear someone before I find any sort of appeal to them. I wouldn't have the first clue on how to present myself online, whereas I've never had any trouble in real life. Probably why I'm advising OP to stick to real life, as I'm totally biased. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 I wouldn't have the first clue on how to present myself online, Nah...don't sell yourself short! . I suspect that you're fine -- real life, online, wherever else -- and, perhaps you are biased, but it's coming from your own sense of self-confidence and self-worth. THAT'S the most important thing. (If that makes sense? .) Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 Nah...don't sell yourself short! . I suspect that you're fine -- real life, online, wherever else -- and, perhaps you are biased, but it's coming from your own sense of self-confidence and self-worth. THAT'S the most important thing. (If that makes sense? .) You're being kind - I'm being truthful though; I really wouldn't know how to sell myself online. I don't have that skill at all; or the interest, tbh. I find dealing with people face to face easier and more natural by quite a big margin, though it's taken decades of experience and observation. I also think that's the route OP needs to take. Link to post Share on other sites
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