Author Garcon1986 Posted February 17, 2019 Author Share Posted February 17, 2019 As far as the really basic social skills, looking someone in the eye, smiling, showing interest, not making a conversation a string of questions - I do that every single time. Women who I do that with, don't ever reciprocate any level of romantic interest. I get either no interest, or a kind and polite "I'll play nice, but I really have my eye on someone else". Link to post Share on other sites
Olivia_daviss Posted February 17, 2019 Share Posted February 17, 2019 I would say making a checklist isn't a good idea just keep trying keep going on dates but don't have rigid expectations just go with it and hope for the best worst case scenario you go through multiple girls then find one you like if you struggle to keep conversations going maybe try something like if you don't know what to say say something starting with a then if it happens again something starts with b and go down the alphabet keep putting yourself in these situations not always dates and eventually you will be able to keep up a conversation Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted February 17, 2019 Share Posted February 17, 2019 I'd put a brief(er) description of each point below in my profile. I did something similar and started attracting the right men, people who "got me". For #2 I'd add that you're also open to open-minded Asians who have experienced other cultures For #5 say instead "attraction is important to me, but brains and an open minded spirit are even more important." I'm healed now, and I want this in a relationship: 1. Someone who is really nerdy at something. I don't care what the topic is, as long as she can talk my ear off about it. 2. Someone who has gained the open mindedness of living in more than one culture (or through some other means). I tend to steer away from people who are Asian and totally brought up in an Asian country, if they are a "Robot" and are just kind of moping through life. There are too many Chinese who just memorize stuff, do well at work, get great grades, but are miserable deep down. I've had the amazing experience of realizing I was living under a rock, and then busting out from under that proverbial rock when I found Cardiology. 3. Someone who is willing to fight fair and meet me halfway in conflicts, just as I will pledge to always calmly resolve conflict and never resort to emotional attacks. I refuse to be a woman's emotional doormat, or have someone use marriage like a revolving divorce door to manipulate unwitting men. 4. Someone who cares deeply about her health. 5. Someone who I am at least semi physically attracted to. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 1. Someone who is really nerdy at something. I don't care what the topic is, as long as she can talk my ear off about it. And how is that going to work out long term? People can rarely talk like that about anything they are not obsessed about, so whilst it may be interesting at first to learn about a rare Amazonian beetle or the intricacies of potholing or some other obscure passion, it will get old pretty fast, unless it is something you can share. We don't need to share the exact same hobbies and interests, but passions and obsessions are different IMO. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 I still say your primary obstacle that's getting in your way is your race and probably your size... Gone are the days(like my moms contemporaries) when young women all walked around about 110-120 lbs or so...Rarely did you see women up around 150...Now that the average American white woman weighs around 170, they won't be happy with smaller or slightly built guys...I cant say I can blame them...And its not only that they are fat, in a lot of cases these women are pretty muscular... They'll never tell you this. OP...But I bet that's an issue...SO you are already at a big disadvantage there...There are a lot of smaller Filipino woman in medical fields.. And many of those women are quite attractive...Is that an option?? I think even then, though, if those smaller women are anything nice to look at they are also competing for the bigger dudes.. TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 If I remember correctly, OP is 6 feet and trains in the gym. I think being Asian hurts one only to the extent that he has those stereotypical Asian traits. If I recall, OP’s parents are typical Asian tiger parents :laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 Gone are the days(like my moms contemporaries) when young women all walked around about 110-120 lbs or so...Rarely did you see women up around 150...Now that the average American white woman weighs around 170, they won't be happy with smaller or slightly built guys...I cant say I can blame them...And its not only that they are fat, in a lot of cases these women are pretty muscular... .. and tall too. They are "big" women. Big bones, long arms and legs. They need a "big" man for balance, not a fine boned guy who would make them look "huge" in comparison. Big guys, muscular guys, big chunky guys even if a bit chubby have a "presence" and women tend to like that about a man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Garcon1986 Posted February 18, 2019 Author Share Posted February 18, 2019 And how is that going to work out long term? People can rarely talk like that about anything they are not obsessed about, so whilst it may be interesting at first to learn about a rare Amazonian beetle or the intricacies of potholing or some other obscure passion, it will get old pretty fast, unless it is something you can share. We don't need to share the exact same hobbies and interests, but passions and obsessions are different IMO. But I'm aching for an intellectual connection. How do I ask for that in a socially acceptable way? Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 .. and tall too. They are "big" women. Big bones, long arms and legs. They need a "big" man for balance, not a fine boned guy who would make them look "huge" in comparison. Big guys, muscular guys, big chunky guys even if a bit chubby have a "presence" and women tend to like that about a man. But he has complained many times that he tends to attract obese women online, so I don’t think he would be interested in a bigger woman anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Garcon1986 Posted February 18, 2019 Author Share Posted February 18, 2019 I still say your primary obstacle that's getting in your way is your race and probably your size... Gone are the days(like my moms contemporaries) when young women all walked around about 110-120 lbs or so...Rarely did you see women up around 150...Now that the average American white woman weighs around 170, they won't be happy with smaller or slightly built guys...I cant say I can blame them...And its not only that they are fat, in a lot of cases these women are pretty muscular... They'll never tell you this. OP...But I bet that's an issue...SO you are already at a big disadvantage there...There are a lot of smaller Filipino woman in medical fields.. And many of those women are quite attractive...Is that an option?? I think even then, though, if those smaller women are anything nice to look at they are also competing for the bigger dudes.. TFY I am religiously going to the gym with personal trainer advice to get more "stereotypically hot". It's terribly sad that one of my old classmates started out with my body type (lanky Asian), and then became a meathead - he still couldn't get the most attractive lady in his vicinity. If I fail at snagging any dates at all, I will still end up 6 ft tall, having a nice body for myself, with nice arms, and have gained some dating skill. My arms already have more tone to them, but I'm aiming for 50% of the muscle of TFY haha. I'm already well aware of the severe dating racism here At least the women are civilized about it. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 But he has complained many times that he tends to attract obese women online, so I don’t think he would be interested in a bigger woman anyway. Neither I or TFY are speaking about obese women. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Garcon1986 Posted February 18, 2019 Author Share Posted February 18, 2019 If I remember correctly, OP is 6 feet and trains in the gym. I think being Asian hurts one only to the extent that he has those stereotypical Asian traits. If I recall, OP’s parents are typical Asian tiger parents :laugh: Indeed JuneL I've tried to bust most of those Asian stereotypes hehe. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 I am religiously going to the gym with personal trainer advice to get more "stereotypically hot". It's terribly sad that one of my old classmates started out with my body type (lanky Asian), and then became a meathead - he still couldn't get the most attractive lady in his vicinity. If I fail at snagging any dates at all, I will still end up 6 ft tall, having a nice body for myself, with nice arms, and have gained some dating skill. My arms already have more tone to them, but I'm aiming for 50% of the muscle of TFY haha. I'm already well aware of the severe dating racism here At least the women are civilized about it. OK...SO for some reason I thought you were like 5'4" or something:confused:...Stand corrected.. You aren't one of those guys that's 6' tall and 140 lbs?... But that's a plus to have that type of height, esp for an Asian guy...What do you think about hitting up one of those cute Filipino's ?? I know up here, the healthcare biz is teeming with them...Had to get an MRI recently, and more than half of the place was filled with these women...Many were very nice looking/petite.. TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Author Garcon1986 Posted February 18, 2019 Author Share Posted February 18, 2019 I will have a look around for those people! I am not that thin haha. I have toned legs from biking, which in my opinion, are photo worthy - but my sixpack and arms are a construction project. Just thin. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 (edited) I totally get that Garcon. Don't give up on that one. I can't be with someone who is not curious about things - aka nerdy. I put in my profile that I am looking for someone: "witty, intellectually curious, nerdy". Those who need to get it will get it. But I'm aching for an intellectual connection. How do I ask for that in a socially acceptable way? That's why I try to only go for men who are N (intuitive) in Myers Briggs. S (sensors) are not usually into abstract ideas. Edited February 18, 2019 by edgygirl Link to post Share on other sites
Author Garcon1986 Posted February 18, 2019 Author Share Posted February 18, 2019 I found a spectacular medical professional on match.com, and found her holding her dog up with the sunset behind her, Lion King Style. I told her, high five on presenting Simba to the people, that's amazing. What adventure were you having? Cheers Garcon. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 Ultimately OP, all you need is someone who you click with. Be patient, and be comfortable with yourself (and maybe less of a perfectionist). Seems like you did well finding gfs on your own in the past, so that's the only advice you need. It may take longer to find your needle in a haystack since you are a bit particular about who you want (I mean I too really appreciate someone to be intellectually curious , but not above kindness and emotional or mental stability and quite a few other qualities, so I'm not sure what you mean by 'crave intellectual connection') but I think you'll be fine. My only other advice is start the diagnostic journey for ASD - whether you are or not, it'll help you understand yourself better and help others understand you better (those open-minded enough anyway). Link to post Share on other sites
Author Garcon1986 Posted February 18, 2019 Author Share Posted February 18, 2019 So I’ve got a nurse who likes Chinese food and crime shows. What’s a witty response to that? Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 Random thought - since you struggle with chit chat/small talk/social banter: Does your life allow for you to maybe pick up a night bar tending somewhere? Or waiting tables? Not for the financial aspect - but for the fact that it would force you to learn social banter and talk to people. I was painfully shy as an early teenager. Started working in a pizza joint taking orders for “to go” on Friday nights and moved to waiting tables and bar tending over the years (the money was great!) and that killed any “shy” tendencies I had. I can literally talk to anyone now. Just a thought. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 I don't know that it necessarily calls for a witty response, as in trying to be funny, but it sounds like a great opportunity to ask her to meet you at your favorite Szechuan joint. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Garcon1986 Posted February 18, 2019 Author Share Posted February 18, 2019 I would like to know if I have any chance of getting an intellectual connection ahead of time though? Can’t I be allowed to do that? Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 Say something like - I wonder if Agatha Christie ever solved a mystery involving Chinese food but in any case I'd love to take you out one day to my favorite Szechuan joint 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 Sure, it's your dating life, after all. I'm just of the opinion that it's far easier to get to know someone in person than by exchanging messages. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Olivia_daviss Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 Also more outgoing girls would keep the conversation going themselves if they like you Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 I would like to know if I have any chance of getting an intellectual connection ahead of time though? Can’t I be allowed to do that? Why is intellectual connection so important for a first date? Link to post Share on other sites
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