I'm the other woman...

[TheWaltz]

ask me anything.

 

 

 

 

For anyone wanting insight into why the partner, or affair partner does it. How they do it. Whatever your question, whether you are wanting to understand, insight or closure. Or wanting to know how to spot a cheating spouse.

 

A word of warning though, don't ask something you don't want an honest answer to - I will be brutally honest. I'll respond to all genuine questions - and completely bypass aggressive posts/blatant hating (which I'm sure there will be!).

[Snipercatt]

Why are you here at loveshack?

[overtherainbow1]

What sniper said...

[Cullenbohannon]

Its already here.

[Turning point]

I didn't even know there had been an election.

How long have you been the spokesperson for "Other Women"?

[standtall]

Did it start with desire for sex or an emotional connection?

[Arieswoman]

TP #5

 

 

I didn't even know there had been an election.

How long have you been the spokesperson for "Other Women"?

 

 

I agree, we are only getting one person's opinion here

[ExpatInItaly]

I didn't even know there had been an election.

How long have you been the spokesperson for "Other Women"?

 

My thoughts exactly.

 

But since we're here, we'll talk about OP's own affair: OP, why accept another woman's sloppy seconds?

 

I was once, briefly, an unwitting other woman. The man had blatantly lied about being single (turned out he was engaged) As soon as I found out the truth, I was turned off and didn't want to be where he double-dipped, so to speak. The thought of it, was just...gross.

 

Why did you decide to hang on?

Edited February 14, 2019 by ExpatInItaly

[TheWaltz]

Why are you here at loveshack?

 

I've been a lurker for a while, reading all sorts of topics and find it quite interesting. Why are you here?

 

Did it start with desire for sex or an emotional connection?

 

Usually the first, the latter comes later. Although some men really are looking for an emotional connection, it's much rarer.

 

TP #5

 

I agree, we are only getting one person's opinion here

 

Absolutely, as with any I suppose.

[TheWaltz]

You really should use protection.

 

Much less worries about being 'double dipped' then.

 

 

My thoughts exactly.

 

But since we're here, we'll talk about OP's own affair: OP, why accept another woman's sloppy seconds?

 

I was once, briefly, an unwitting other woman. The man had blatantly lied about being single (turned out he was engaged) As soon as I found out the truth, I was turned off and didn't want to be where he double-dipped, so to speak. The thought of it, was just...gross.

 

Why did you decide to hang on?

[TheWaltz]

Sorry, forgot to answer your last question.

 

I didn't decide to 'hang on' - I already knew. There are benefits of it to me, which is why I decide to engage in it, otherwise, I wouldn't.

[pepperbird]

I don't mean to insult you, I'm just curious ( feel free to tell me off if you want to...)

 

 

(a) are you really as shallow as your posts portray? You seem to have very little emotional depth to you, and come off as self absorbed. I don't mean that as an insult, and it could just be my take.

 

 

 

(b) Do you use others the way you use your MM ? Again, no insult intended. I just can't get my head around your way of thinking, and I'm wondering if I'm misinterpreting the point you are trying to make.

[Orokotikki]

Are you married as well or are you a single person in an A?

[Naivewomen]

How long have you been the other woman??

[ExpatInItaly]

You really should use protection.

Much less worries about being 'double dipped' then.

 

Why are you assuming I didn't?

 

I don't think you fully understand what I mean by double-dipping. It needn't be only a physical metaphor.

Edited February 14, 2019 by ExpatInItaly

[Turning point]

I don't perceive her to be talking about her own experience of an affair. She's attempting to speak to the motivations of the men she stalks and seduces.

 

As I read it, she's a sugar baby. (Hence: "The Waltz" this dance she does with men.)

 

At best, she's got a 50/50 chance (guess) at what really motivates the man because any one of then may be equally adept at manipulating her.

[elaine567]

This proposed question and answer session sounds like we have a some sort of a celebrity "expert" OW in our midst who is here to inform us all of the dynamics of cheating...

[Turning point]

This proposed question and answer session sounds like we have a some sort of a celebrity "expert" OW in our midst who is here to inform us all of the dynamics of cheating...

 

...wait, I need a notebook.

[TheWaltz]

I don't mean to insult you, I'm just curious ( feel free to tell me off if you want to...)

 

 

(a) are you really as shallow as your posts portray? You seem to have very little emotional depth to you, and come off as self absorbed. I don't mean that as an insult, and it could just be my take.

 

 

 

(b) Do you use others the way you use your MM ? Again, no insult intended. I just can't get my head around your way of thinking, and I'm wondering if I'm misinterpreting the point you are trying to make.

 

Not insulted at all - you pose interesting questions.

 

How my posts portray - I am a very straightforward and direct person in real life, yes. Shallow - actually I do have rather a lot of depth to me, although I'm not quick to share it. However I'd agree that I must be self absorbed and quite selfish to do what I do.

 

Regarding your comments on emotional depth. I do experience emotions, I am capable of empathy for example. Compassion does lack in certain circumstances, but not all.

 

Your last question was probably the toughest - I'd like to believe I don't. However upon thinking about it, I probably do use people, more so than just married men. Immediate family I don't, no.

 

 

 

Are you married as well or are you a single person in an A?

 

I'm not married, I'm in a relationship.

 

 

 

How long have you been the other woman??

 

Over a year.

 

 

 

 

Why are you assuming I didn't?

 

I don't think you fully understand what I mean by double-dipping. It needn't be only a physical metaphor.

 

If it's not concern over contracting an STI, then you obviously still take psychological issue with the fact you were 'double dipped'. That'll probably be with you a while, by the sounds of it. It doesn't bother me whatsoever obviously, else I wouldn't engage in it. Some men are just greedy and want as much as they can get, others genuinely do have a lack of sexual or even emotional relationship at home. I tend to take anything one tells me with a pinch of salt in any case - there's always two sides to every story.

[TheWaltz]

I don't perceive her to be talking about her own experience of an affair. She's attempting to speak to the motivations of the men she stalks and seduces.

 

As I read it, she's a sugar baby. (Hence: "The Waltz" this dance she does with men.)

 

At best, she's got a 50/50 chance (guess) at what really motivates the man because any one of then may be equally adept at manipulating her.

 

Well, you do need corrected, especially as you weren't asking, but telling.

 

I don't stalk or seduce anyone. I don't believe adults are capable of 'seducing' one another to be totally frank. I have never approached or flirted with someone whom is taken.

 

Any attached men I've been involved with have approached me, and often quite directly, before I've even realised the interaction was anything other than platonic. I am actually pretty poor at flirting. In any case, I obviously haven't outright rejected them obviously to be in the situations I have, but I do take some time to think on it. They have always been upfront about their relationship status.

 

I'm not what I'd personally class as a sugar baby - not at all. The men do spend money on me, but I'm not sure that necessarily makes a sugar baby. Perhaps I'm wrong on that one.

[Aloha123]

I am going to play devil's advocate and say that the sentiments expressed by the OP may be an example of the correct mindset / only sane way to survive an affair with a MM to begin with. Cold-hearted and taking the situation for what it is, those are probably the only characteristics that actually make somebody cut out for this miserable lifestyle. Because if you let down your guard or allow yourself to develop true feelings or kid yourself into thinking it's something that it's not, your heart will be hung out to dry. As we see here all day every day. So if nothing else, I commend the OP for being realistic!

[TheWaltz]

I am going to play devil's advocate and say that the sentiments expressed by the OP may be an example of the correct mindset / only sane way to survive an affair with a MM to begin with. Cold-hearted and taking the situation for what it is, those are probably the only characteristics that actually make somebody cut out for this miserable lifestyle. Because if you let down your guard or allow yourself to develop true feelings or kid yourself into thinking it's something that it's not, your heart will be hung out to dry. As we see here all day every day. So if nothing else, I commend the OP for being realistic!

 

You are absolutely correct. The men you are dealing with in these circumstances are also cold hearted, selfish and lacking in compassion to do what they do, too. To feel anything else for them would be stupid.

 

I am never under any illusion they'll leave their wives. I have never asked one to, nor wanted one to. I'd rather be in (what I consider to be) the better position, and if he left his wife I am very sure I would be treated much the same as she is.

[Midwestmom12]

I don't have a question, just a comment. I am divorced and have been for just over 5 years now. My ex husband cheated on me constantly. Ironically, I never blamed the other women. He ended up moving in with one of his mistresses before our divorce was final. Throughout all of the pain and the things he did I never felt hate towards the women he cheated with. All of my disdain at the time was towards him.

 

My ex is a narcissist and I knew his new woman was just the next victim. I'm not saying all cheaters are narcissist but I do get your reasoning in terms of not wanting to trade places with the wife. I just think there is too much animosity and blame placed on the other men and women when the real issue is often the married parties seeking sex and emotional connection outside of their relationships.

[Turning point]

I don't have a question, just a comment. I am divorced and have been for just over 5 years now. My ex husband cheated on me constantly. Ironically, I never blamed the other women. He ended up moving in with one of his mistresses before our divorce was final. Throughout all of the pain and the things he did I never felt hate towards the women he cheated with. All of my disdain at the time was towards him.

 

My ex is a narcissist and I knew his new woman was just the next victim. I'm not saying all cheaters are narcissist but I do get your reasoning in terms of not wanting to trade places with the wife. I just think there is too much animosity and blame placed on the other men and women when the real issue is often the married parties seeking sex and emotional connection outside of their relationships.

 

I think you are correct with respect to the particulars of someone like your ex husband, at least from the view on your own side of the fence.

 

Yet, if any of his his OW were married with children what would the BH say about your exWH pursuing and courting her? Does his disregard for children in such a situation make him anything other than a psychopath?

 

I think the wannabee mentor for OW (OP) is a lot like your exWH and incapable of seeing her true self. What we get is the rationale, the way she wants to be remembered rather than who she really is.

 

Selfishness is first and foremost a blind spot on someone's soul. We are all human and we don't get a pass for being indifferent to suffering and worse, enabling or creating it. The secret to fidelity is loving one's self enough to know what real love is not.

Edited February 15, 2019 by Turning point

[anika99]

Well, you do need corrected, especially as you weren't asking, but telling.

 

I don't stalk or seduce anyone. I don't believe adults are capable of 'seducing' one another to be totally frank. I have never approached or flirted with someone whom is taken.

 

Any attached men I've been involved with have approached me, and often quite directly, before I've even realised the interaction was anything other than platonic. I am actually pretty poor at flirting. In any case, I obviously haven't outright rejected them obviously to be in the situations I have, but I do take some time to think on it. They have always been upfront about their relationship status.

 

I'm not what I'd personally class as a sugar baby - not at all. The men do spend money on me, but I'm not sure that necessarily makes a sugar baby. Perhaps I'm wrong on that one.

 

 

I'm confused. You say you have been an OW for just over a year and you invite us to ask questions as though your one year of experience makes you an expert on affairs and MM.

 

I actually do have a question. You have been an OW for a year and yet you refer to the married MEN you have been involved with. How is it that you have been the OW to multiple men in such a short span of time? Are you an escort? (I feel like we're playing that really old game show "What's my Line"...lol)