Savannah2 Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 He told me that he feels he needs to stop the affair because the last few times we have been together physically, something bad happens right after (car trouble, family illness or injury happened) so he thinks it’s a sign that he needs to stop. Omg I could not believe it. He really thinks that? Btw this affair has been going on for about 6 years now... I told him I think he is just looking for an excuse to end it.. what do you guys think??? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 It sounds like an excuse. But does it matter, really? The only thing that is relevant is that he doesn't wish to continue. Whether or not you accept his reasoning is irrelevant, at the end of the day. Six years is far too long to be waiting on a man who evidently isn't going to commit to you and only you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 Yeah, it sounds like after 6 years he's bored and ready to stop cheating - with you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 Savannah, you have been holding onto this relationship for far too long... It needs to end. If you didn’t have the strength to do it, at least he does... whatever the excuse he offers. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted February 14, 2019 Author Share Posted February 14, 2019 He had been making a lot of excuses as to why he couldn’t see me and I kept feeling like I was going crazy trying to rationalize it. I kept pressing and pressing until finally he told me he has been questioning everything and feels like basically karma is out to get him whenever he is with me. But oh yeah he still wants my friendship and thinks of me as his closest friend. Whatever dude. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 He had been making a lot of excuses as to why he couldn’t see me and I kept feeling like I was going crazy trying to rationalize it. I kept pressing and pressing until finally he told me he has been questioning everything and feels like basically karma is out to get him whenever he is with me. But oh yeah he still wants my friendship and thinks of me as his closest friend. Whatever dude. You do know that you are sounding more like a wife than a fun mistress, don't you? That is probably the problem. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 You pressured him to the point that even the promise of your undying adoration and unlimited sex wasn’t worth staying in the relationship... Savanah, the writing has been on the wall for a really long time. You have just refused to accept it. Do you have a counsellor? You really need to get yourself some counselling... Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 Yeah, it sounds like he's just bored and trying to find an excuse that will resonate with you so that you'll "stop bothering him". The karma bit is kind of insulting, as it sounds like he thinks YOU'LL believe some irrational mumbo-jumbo... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted February 14, 2019 Author Share Posted February 14, 2019 I thought he wAs sounding completely irrational to try and find some connection between bad things happening in his life and his involvement with me. I agree that I did pressure him too much lately to want to meet me for physical stuff. It’s tough to go from someone wanting to be with you to hearing them literally give you everyone reason why they can no longer... even to go as far as blaming karma and the universe for punishing him for being with me . I couldn’t accept it. And now he’s saying he still wants my friendship but pretty much that’s it because he feels like if he is with me physically again the universe will punish him in some way. He said I did nothing wrong, but we all know that’s probably not true either Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 (edited) I'm sorry you are hurting, but it sounds like he is giving you the brush off with the proverbial"but we can still be friends" bit tacked on for good measure. I'm no relationship expert, but friends don't treat each other the way he's treating you. My guess? Just as he got bored of his wife, he's bored with you and moved on to ow #2 ( or 3, 4, 5, 6, whatever). Maybe he should use one of those fidget spinner things to keep himself occupied instead. Count your blessings-you now can get off that dumbass ride and move on to bigger and better things. Edited February 14, 2019 by pepperbird 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 I thought he wAs sounding completely irrational ... even to go as far as blaming karma and the universe for punishing him for being with me . I couldn’t accept it. And now he’s saying he still wants my friendship but pretty much that’s it because he feels like if he is with me physically again the universe will punish him in some way. He said I did nothing wrong, but we all know that’s probably not true either Some people have, or develop, alternate belief systems. It's quite common. One could argue that most deeply religious people are irrational at some level, but literally billions of people are, and it's not "irrational" in their minds. I'm a "spiritual but not religious" type myself, so this probably applies to me as well. That being said, perhaps a very rational and productive way to look at your situation is to turn the problem (of his no longer being interested) into an opportunity (to find someone better to be with). My two cents... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Orokotikki Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 Unless he got dick cancer his karma hasn't hit yet. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs._December Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 (edited) I thought he wAs sounding completely irrational to try and find some connection between bad things happening in his life and his involvement with me. I agree that I did pressure him too much lately to want to meet me for physical stuff. It’s tough to go from someone wanting to be with you to hearing them literally give you everyone reason why they can no longer... even to go as far as blaming karma and the universe for punishing him for being with me . I couldn’t accept it. And now he’s saying he still wants my friendship but pretty much that’s it because he feels like if he is with me physically again the universe will punish him in some way. He said I did nothing wrong, but we all know that’s probably not true either He's already SHOWN you for 6 years that he's not trustworthy and can't make a true commitment to anyone. He can't make one to his wife and he can't make one to you. The risk no longer outweighs the reward for him, so he wants out. It's that simple. When it was more satisfying for him, he was willing to take the risk - and he was, for 6 years. But the thrill has worn off and he's ready to move on to something shinier. And just so you know - the two biggest reasons he's feeding you that nonsense line, "I always want to be close friends," are due to his selfishness (of course, what else would you expect?) The first reason is that he desperately needs to keep you NOT angry, NOT bitter, and NOT vindictive. Ain't nothing worse than an angry other woman contacting his wife and spilling her guts to her, is there? So yes, it's in HIS own personal best interests to be your closest buddy. Second reason is, if he's not able to score himself a brand new shinier OW, then he's got good old Savannah, his 'close buddy,' to come running to when he's got an itch he needs scratched. You do see that you've wasted 6 precious years of your life being this guy's dirty little secret, don't you? Be honest with yourself - you're nowhere further with him then the day you met him. You're still a secret, you're still not a priority, and now, you're apparently a 'liability' to him. So in 6 long years, the only thing you have to show for it is that you're 6 years older. That's all you've got to show for this 'relationship.' Why on EARTH you'd feel one shred of loyalty to this lying user boggles my brain, it truly does. Edited February 14, 2019 by Mrs._December 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Bittersweetie Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 Savannah, I'm not sure what can even be said at this point. After 20+ threads about this man over the course of 4.5 years, despite all of the advice given by people on this site looking out for you, you still continue to cling to this MM with every thread of your being. You hold onto him like he is the one thing preventing you from going over a cliff. What can I say that hasn't been said many, many, many times before? Your MM does not care about you. You have given him all your power. You are wasting your life on this person. Yet today you start a thread called "MM thinks I give him bad karma" which is so utterly ridiculous, I don't even know how to help you. Please get professional help Savannah. Good luck. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 When he made the karma statement, your response should’ve been to say goodbye and walk away. Whether he’s being truthful or not, the bottom line remains the same — he feels guilty about what he’s doing and/or he wants to end things with you. Again, same bottom line - it needs to end. Stop wasting your time on a losing game. And forget the friendship crap. Just end it and find a life of your own. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs._December Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 When he made the karma statement, your response should’ve been to say goodbye and walk away. Whether he’s being truthful or not, the bottom line remains the same — he feels guilty about what he’s doing and/or he wants to end things with you. I'm just being realistic here, but anyone who can happily lead a double life for 6 LONG years - screwing over his wife and lying to her face every day and treating his OW like she's nothing more than a convenience - has no idea what the word 'guilt' even means. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 I'm just being realistic here, but anyone who can happily lead a double life for 6 LONG years - screwing over his wife and lying to her face every day and treating his OW like she's nothing more than a convenience - has no idea what the word 'guilt' even means. Marriages are a very tangled web. One day a person may feel justified in cheating, and 6 yrs down the road, they come to a new realization. That’s one of many reasons why it’s best for the OW to never become the OW. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted February 14, 2019 Author Share Posted February 14, 2019 I do think that when he got involved with me six years ago his marriage looked very different from what it is now. Their children were much younger and I know his wife spent a lot of time on her own, napping and not giving him or the marriage much attention. His wife does suffer from depression. I think she has sought treatment for it and is doing better now and hence probably so is the marriage. So I guess he just doesn’t need me anymore. It’s a sad reality for me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Orokotikki Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 It may be surprising, but most people with cheating spouses suffer from depression. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted February 14, 2019 Author Share Posted February 14, 2019 Oh I truly believe the guilt he felt during his affair with me caused changes in him at home. He was probably more attentive and more willing to do things for her knowing he was getting a little extra on the side as a reward for being the “dutiful husband Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 You really think an affair builds positive energy? No... This is his way of ending it with you. Accept that fact. Never EVER beg a man to see you and love you! Never! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 So I guess he just doesn’t need me anymore. It’s a sad reality for me. What did you really imagine the outcome of this affair to be? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 So I guess he just doesn’t need me anymore. It’s a sad reality for me. No, the sad reality is that you waited and wasted six years of your life on a man who is now casting you aside.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Turning point Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 (edited) I'm just being realistic here, but anyone who can happily lead a double life for 6 LONG years - screwing over his wife and lying to her face every day and treating his OW like she's nothing more than a convenience - has no idea what the word 'guilt' even means. I think you're looking for the "clarity" thread, which is probably in the common sense forum. I'm confused - is the bad karma that when his car breaks down the OW descends on him - or is it when the OW descends on him, his car breaks down? Either way, I'd wanna be a AAA member. OP, There is a karma issue here, it's yours, and it's fairly simple. What you want is a relationship and what you settled for is an affair. Round hole + square peg = bad karma Edited February 14, 2019 by Turning point 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 Savannah2 he sounds like he tries to make himself the victim at all costs. It's a very narcissistic trait. Give yourself the gift of peace of mind and let him go and love yourself the most. Link to post Share on other sites
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