BaileyB Posted March 11, 2019 Share Posted March 11, 2019 I’m struggling with how to reset my life since he was such a big part of it as far as the amount of time we would communicate after work hours. We would chat every night. How do I fill the void so to speak and how do I grieve the loss of the communication with him? How to fill the time and need someone to talk with outside of work... make an appointment with a counsellor. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted March 12, 2019 Share Posted March 12, 2019 Seconding Bailey's idea here too, Savannah. May help quite a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
Lewhawk Posted March 12, 2019 Share Posted March 12, 2019 (edited) After 6 years what are you looking for? You mentioned before that your husband suspected something was going on, I think you should tell him and put this marriage out of its misery. Poor guy, I really feel bad for the husband after reading the other post. Edited March 12, 2019 by Lewhawk 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Orokotikki Posted March 12, 2019 Share Posted March 12, 2019 Truth will set you free. Link to post Share on other sites
LIRR88 Posted March 14, 2019 Share Posted March 14, 2019 (edited) I’m struggling with how to reset my life since he was such a big part of it as far as the amount of time we would communicate after work hours. We would chat every night. How do I fill the void so to speak and how do I grieve the loss of the communication with him? This is exactly what I’m going through. For the last few months the MM became a huge part of my life. He was the first thing on my mind in the morning and the last thing before I closed my eyes at night. When I would get insomnia i’d lay there and just think about him. I would look forward to every email, every chance to see him, even if it was half an hour at a time. We went from being everything to nothing. I literally feel like someone died, it’s so hurtful. Hang in there, stay strong. Edited March 14, 2019 by LIRR88 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted March 14, 2019 Share Posted March 14, 2019 @LIRR88 - yeah, limerence is a bitch... Link to post Share on other sites
assertives Posted March 14, 2019 Share Posted March 14, 2019 Well, figuratively speaking, someone did "die". That someone was the illusion of the type of person you created of this MM that does not actually exist. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted March 21, 2019 Author Share Posted March 21, 2019 (edited) Just an update. So we haven’t seen each other in over a week. Nothing physical in over 2. Months. He went on vacation with his wife. I did message him while he was gone asking how he was doing and if he still felt he made the right choice ending things. He messaged back and said yes he felt he had made the right choice and knew he was sticking to his decision. So I told him I’m glad he was happy and I hope that someday I get to that point too and I wished him well and said he wouldn’t be bearing from me again. He said ok and he understood. I just don’t understand how he can just move on so quickly and have such resolve after such a lengthy affair. I guess he’s been gone from me a lot longer than I wanted to realize. Still though it hurts and I don’t understand why he just decided he was done. As for me, I just have been trying to remind myself that he Doesn’t want me and he’s moving on and try not to romanticize it anymore than the truth Edited March 21, 2019 by Savannah2 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted March 21, 2019 Share Posted March 21, 2019 He has probably been thinking about his actions for a long time. Just understand that when a person is involved with someone else, there will always be that rift where you take a back seat to their lives. It’s like a rip in the fabric that will eventually split completely apart. And then they tire of the whole thing because they know it’s wrong for everyone involved. I hope you do stop contacting him. I know he has been a big part of your life but there’s a part of you that has to know this would end at some point in time. Find new ways to spend your time and realize that you’re free of this crazy love triangle. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted March 21, 2019 Author Share Posted March 21, 2019 I think the most painful part of all of this has been going through watching and feeling him pull away from me and lose feelings for me. The despair and desperation to keep it from happening. To keep him wanting to be here with me and watching him basically slowly disappear. Link to post Share on other sites
Abetterme Posted March 21, 2019 Share Posted March 21, 2019 Savannah - I know it is painful to feel like you’re seeing someone’s affection for you dwindling, but you are making it worse by continuing to go back and press him on this. If you know what the answer is going to be, why ask him if he is happy with his decision? It will only hurt you...again. You have to be stronger than to do that to yourself. Why do you give a rip what this jerk thinks of you??? I know we all have a tendency to do this in any situation where we have rejection - “why wasn’t I good enough for that job”, etc. but the only thing that should matter to you is how you are going to move forward and make yourself happy. Of all the stories I’ve read here, yours is so tragic to me. You’ve got years worth of threads of strangers all imploring you to see your worth and kick this horrible guy to the curb. You are worth so much more hun. Go out and live life free of this weight! Has there been any progress for you in starting counseling sessions? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted March 21, 2019 Author Share Posted March 21, 2019 Do you think I am doing the right thing cutting all personal contact with him Including the app we use to chat? It feels really harsh going completely no contact we have communicated daily for seven years. But I feel like deep down all it is doing is keeping that door open Link to post Share on other sites
Orokotikki Posted March 21, 2019 Share Posted March 21, 2019 But I feel like deep down all it is doing is keeping that door open It would be precisely, literally, keeping the door open. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted March 21, 2019 Author Share Posted March 21, 2019 I know. Part of me feels like I want to keep a friendship with him and what is the harm of that but then I also realize communicating daily secretly on an app is still maintaining this to some degree I also know that keeping communication open through the app also maintains hope for me and I need to let go of that. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 21, 2019 Share Posted March 21, 2019 I know. Part of me feels like I want to keep a friendship with him and what is the harm of that but then I also realize communicating daily secretly on an app is still maintaining this to some degree. That’s not called friendship. That’s called an emotional affair. If you want to spend the rest of your life secretly texting with another woman’s husband, by all means... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Abetterme Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 Do you think I am doing the right thing cutting all personal contact with him Including the app we use to chat? It feels really harsh going completely no contact we have communicated daily for seven years. But I feel like deep down all it is doing is keeping that door open I do not feel it is harsh whatsoever. What is harsh is his treatment of you and his poor wife for the last 6 years. Cut all contact, no questions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 Oh, yeah, really harsh to cut off contact with him - but him telling you (while on a jolly vacation with his wife) that it’s truly over between the two of you wasn’t in any way harsh. Honey, wake up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted March 24, 2019 Author Share Posted March 24, 2019 (edited) So get this. Today he messaged me asking if I would send a video *ahem* of myself. You get the idea. Omg i am so disgusted. So apparently I’m only good enough now to get his rocks off through video. I didn’t respond. There’s plenty of stuff on the web he can find for that why is he asking me for it?? Ugh he grosses me out. I was so used all these years. I guess watching videos of me is safe enough not to cause him any of that bad karma he speaks of Edited March 24, 2019 by Savannah2 Link to post Share on other sites
Snipercatt Posted March 24, 2019 Share Posted March 24, 2019 (edited) Savannah, dear, we teach people how to treat us. If we accept disrespectful treatment, in the past, as you did, we have taught that person we will accept continued disrespect. You have the power to stop such treatment by refusing to have any relationship with this MM, whatsoever. Now you know his Karma line was just an excuse so he didn’t have to deal with anything about you. He has devalued you to a video he can get off on without speaking to you, without engaging with you, even without touching you and certainly without pleasuring you. Edited March 24, 2019 by Snipercatt Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 Good. Now you can feel better that you're the one who puts an end to this. Please, please don't respond to him. This relationship - for the lack of a better word - is unfixable and you'll never have his respect if you contact him in any way. The only winning move with him is to ignore. Link to post Share on other sites
bmh Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 So get this. Today he messaged me asking if I would send a video *ahem* of myself. You get the idea. Omg i am so disgusted. So apparently IÂ’m only good enough now to get his rocks off through video. I didnÂ’t respond. ThereÂ’s plenty of stuff on the web he can find for that why is he asking me for it?? Ugh he grosses me out. I was so used all these years. I guess watching videos of me is safe enough not to cause him any of that bad karma he speaks of Every time you think you miss him or want to contact him, please re-read this. Every. Single. Time. It speaks volumes. Best of luck to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted March 25, 2019 Author Share Posted March 25, 2019 He asked me why I didn’t respond. I told him not interested there’s plenty of action on the web he can find he doesn’t need me for that. Then he says that he is sorry for everything he just needed a break bevsusd it was Valentine’s Day the man his anniversary then spring break vacation with her and he just needed a break to get through all those events Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 Then he says that he just needed a break bevsusd it was Valentine’s Day the man his anniversary then spring break vacation with her and he just needed a break to get through all those events That shouldn’t surprise you, the whole affair has been about him - what he wants, when he wants it, how he wants it... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 At least he's making it progressively easier for you to go NC and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Abetterme Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 Savannah - This guy is so gross. I hope this really helps you see his lack of respect and love for you and that you can take the final step in blocking him for good. I’m sorry this happened, but once again is a reflection of what a jerk he is. Ick!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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