bathtub-row Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 You guys never met outside work?? I just have to ask - what were you thinking getting involved in such a demeaning situation as this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted March 4, 2019 Author Share Posted March 4, 2019 I was so crazy about him I would take whatever he would give me. Which happened to be work sex 1-2 times a week in his office with clothes on and rushed hoping no one would catch us. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 Well, I don’t care who he is or what he looks like, please don’t ever sell yourself short like that again. Men never respect a woman who lets him treat her like that. Life isn’t a Hollywood movie where people screw around as they please and all ends well. I’m kind of in the court he’s in - karma swatting at him big time; you as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted March 4, 2019 Author Share Posted March 4, 2019 The more time that passes not being in that situation the more I realize how crazy and sad it really was. Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 Is this guy your superior? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted March 4, 2019 Author Share Posted March 4, 2019 No he’s not my superior. Just a co-worker same level as me. He wasn’t at work today because he tested positive for the flu. I’m sure if we had been together last week he would have blamed it on being with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 Can you transfer your job or look for another one? You can't be working with this guy to get away from this toxic relationship Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted March 5, 2019 Share Posted March 5, 2019 Do you think the two of you have escaped suspicion from your colleagues? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted March 5, 2019 Author Share Posted March 5, 2019 Everyone at work has talked about us for a very long time. It’s bern going on since 2012. Everyone suspects. I know one of us needs to leave. It will probably be him. That’s what he did at his last job. He became involved with someone and ended up getting caught by his wife deleting their text messages. He left that job and started where I work and found himself involved with me about 2 years in. He claims it was nothing physical with his last affair just a lot of communicating and texting. Who knows though.. I mean he thought it was so innocent why delete them all? He told me he just vented a lot to her about his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 5, 2019 Share Posted March 5, 2019 Yes it was a workplace affair only meaning we only were together physically at work . he would never agree to meet me anywhere else for fear of getting caught. Right, because there was no fear of getting caught having sex at the office. No fear that your coworkers - all of whom know what is going on - would tell his wife or his boss... No fear that he would lose his job and have to tell his wife why he is suddenly unemployed... having sex with a coworker at work is most definitely something he can keep secret. Not. He loved the sex that was offered, he just wasn’t willing to put in any additional effort - he didn’t need to... you were at his beck and call at work. Savanah, knowing that this isn’t his first rodeo and that he left another job because he got caught in an affair makes this even more detestable... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted March 5, 2019 Share Posted March 5, 2019 The more time that passes not being in that situation the more I realize how crazy and sad it really was. Well, just consider it a lesson learned and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted March 8, 2019 Author Share Posted March 8, 2019 First, I want to thank all of you for posting. Your words truly have been the light in my darkest times throughout this journey. an update on my NC. He ended things with me around Valentine’s Day with the bad karma talk (see previous post). We still see each other at work but it’s not the same. The dynamic has changed. I look at him now and all I see is the pain he inflicts on my emotions with all the push and pull he had put me through the past seven years. I can honestly say I do not get that urge or rush of emotions anymore when I look at him. He broke me. All I see now is a coward of a man. He has been out of work a lot this week and it’s been the best thing for me. I had time to process a lot of grief and let myself feel the weight of missing him without having any access to him to get my “fix”. I guess you could say it has been a detox week and much needed because I feel stronger and better able to resist him should he decide to come back. I feel cautiously optimistic that I have made progress Link to post Share on other sites
Aloha123 Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 Good for you Savannah. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted March 8, 2019 Author Share Posted March 8, 2019 Thank you ALoha. Like I said I’m cautiously optimistic but I think a lot of my strength right now is coming from the fact that I haven’t seen him and he’s not knocking down my door telling me how much he misses me. I think if he were doing those things it would be much harder not to fall back in. My ultimate goal is to 100% decline any temptation to get back with him if he decided to come back. That is when I will really know I’ve healed and moved on. Link to post Share on other sites
PhoenixRising8 Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 If he follows the usual MM pattern, give it some time. He'll pop up. When I started my thread in October I believed he would leave BS. Maybe he even toyed with the idea briefly but ultimately he did not. Everyone told me how it would play out and I didn't believe it. But it played out exactly as predicted. And the past 2 weeks, even with the barrage of furious texts I unleashed, he came back. So be prepared. Will be surprised if he doesn't follow the tried and true MM playbook. Stay strong when he reaches out, because he will. Link to post Share on other sites
Turning point Posted March 9, 2019 Share Posted March 9, 2019 A word of caution: Two weeks really doesn't constitute a state of no contact in an affair. The periodic nature of affairs make that a non-sequitur. This is going to be a taller roller-coaster than you can imagine and with a lot of curves that require both hands on the rail. Six months, a year... then you're on the road to NC. In the meantime, keep your arms and legs completely inside the car at all times, until the ride comes to a complete stop. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted March 9, 2019 Share Posted March 9, 2019 I agree that, with some passing of time, he’s very likely to reappear. You need to be prepared for that but, at the same time, isn’t it freeing not to feel those oppressive feelings for awhile? It’s a great start! You begin to realize that love should not feel that bad. The last time MM asked me to spend the night with him, I turned him down. He was the owner of the company, lived in another city, and was in town visiting. That night, I went home missing him but also felt good about myself. The next morning at the office, he spoke to me privately and told me I did the right thing. I told him that I’m always going to have expectations of someone I sleep with long-term and he wasn’t willing to live up to those expectations, so that left us at an impasse. Just remember the self-pride you’ll feel by walking away opposed to the guaranteed misery you’ll feel if you cave in again. It’s a sobering thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted March 9, 2019 Author Share Posted March 9, 2019 I guess part of me thought he’d wanting to be back by now. He doesn’t seem to be missing being in this affair with me. I guess it really was over for him Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 9, 2019 Share Posted March 9, 2019 I guess part of me thought he’d wanting to be back by now. He doesn’t seem to be missing being in this affair with me. I guess it really was over for him It’s been two weeks. I haven’t spoken with my brother in two weeks... as it relates to the passing of time, particularly related to the cyclical nature of an affair, two weeks is nothing. I agree with the previous poster who said let’s talk “success” when you have six months or a year of no contact... Are you disappointed that he has not come back in the past two weeks? That’s a blow the ego. It’s not surprising, but I can imagine given the length of the affair and the fantasy you have woven about this relationship that you must be disappointed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted March 9, 2019 Author Share Posted March 9, 2019 I do feel disappointed he hasn’t reached out and told me A huge mistake and he can’t live without us together. I know that sounds ridiculous given the toxic nature of my relationship with him. But I still feel it and it hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted March 9, 2019 Share Posted March 9, 2019 Rather than focus on him, work on figuring out why you were willing to accept so little for so long. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 9, 2019 Share Posted March 9, 2019 I do feel disappointed he hasn’t reached out and told me A huge mistake and he can’t live without us together. I know that sounds ridiculous given the toxic nature of my relationship with him. It is a total fantasy. You have created a fantasy about this man and your relationship... and the only way you will let it go is if/when he ends it. You continue to play the pick-me game, still not realizing that this guy is no prize. Counselling Savanah... when are you going to make the call? Just do one thing to help yourself... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted March 10, 2019 Author Share Posted March 10, 2019 (edited) So now he is upset and mad that he found out people have been talking about us at work. Well... I guess he thought he was above that consequence of carrying on a workplace affair. He told me that was always his biggest fear that people would talk and drag him through the dirt He told me that it must mean that we weren’t careful enough. Edited March 10, 2019 by Savannah2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 Well, now we know why he has walked away from this affair... With respect, you should tell him that it’s a little unreasonable for him to expect that he can have sex AT WORK and NOT have people talk... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted March 10, 2019 Author Share Posted March 10, 2019 (edited) Bailey, I don’t think that people talking about us at work is the reason he is now choosing to end the affair. This has been going on for seven years at work and people have been talking since it started. He knew that back then and chose to continue. I think he ended it because he got tired of it and I also started becoming more demanding. The “affair fog” lifted for him so to speak. I just find it interesting how instead of taking responsibility for the consequences of carrying on a work place affair for so many years, he instead blames everyone else for gossiping and I think part of him even blames me for this. I can see it now when he looks at me and talks to me. There is a contempt that I didn’t see before. I feel like he has started to demonize me and my position in his life. Edited March 10, 2019 by Savannah2 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts