MM thinks that this affair is causing bad karma for him

[bmh]

Yeah he is. He wants to now downgrade our interactions to video/virtual because I guess he thinks he will have less guilt if he doesn’t actually touch me or I touch him. so degrading after all this time

 

Bath tub row, lol yeah that’s exactly what he is saying by telling me he had to put me on the backburner during these special times with his wife. Makes me sick.

 

I’m not a therapist. But if I had to make an educated guess, it would be that this man is incapable of feeling guilt. Please don’t agree to this. I know it’s easy for me to sit here behind the screen and give out life advice, but please please please stop interacting with him. Of all the MM stories I’ve heard on here, he definitely seems to be the worst I’ve “encountered” thus far.

[Savannah2]

I think that he goes through periods where things are rocky with her and their relationship. She is very up And down with her moods and Ot effects him. So when things are going well between them, he does feel guilty and pulls back with me. But it’s only a matter of time before things get bad again and then he’s feeling more justified and willing to participate with me.

 

That’s what I gather after seven years of this nonsense. Either way I’ve been used for the past seven years

Edited March 25, 2019 by Savannah2

[bmh]

I think that he goes through periods where things are rocky with her and their relationship. She is very up And down with her moods and Ot effects him. So when things are going well between them, he does feel guilty and pulls back with me. But it’s only a matter of time before things get bad again and then he’s feeling more justified and willing to participate with me.

 

That’s what I gather after seven years of this nonsense. Either way I’ve been used for the past seven years

 

Re-read your thread from January 27th. It doesn’t support this line of thinking.

 

Seven years is a very long time to be stuck in this. I hope you can find the strength to move on from this man. You deserve so much more.

[Savannah2]

Yeah I guess I’m overanalyzing it too much. Bottom line is he used me.

[bathtub-row]

Yeah I guess I’m overanalyzing it too much. Bottom line is he used me.

 

...and he’ll keep on using you until you put an end to it. Time to stop the madness.

[Orokotikki]

For 7 years?

He didn't have you chained up or blackmailed did he?

You used each other.

 

Stand up and take control of your life, you're not much of a victim here, your BH and his BW are.

[BaileyB]

He wants to now downgrade our interactions to video/virtual because I guess he thinks he will have less guilt if he doesn’t actually touch me or I touch him.

 

Nah. This guy doesn’t know guilt. He just doesn’t want to have the tongues waging at the office anymore... that hit too close to home - his wife may find out if he could be looking for another job. He would prefer you send videos to his phone at his convenience... more private than sex at work.

[georgia girl]

Savannah,

 

For the love of all that is holy in your life, DO NOT NOW OR EVER make a video

Of yourself and send it to him. You cannot trust this man. This is how women find themselves on amateur porn sites. Once you give him that video, he has total control over who sees it and could share it with the entire web.

 

I know that you have a soft spot for this guy and would do almost anything for his attention, but PLEASE draw the line here. This borders on something that would crush you.

 

Hugs, GG

[BaileyB]

Savannah,

 

For the love of all that is holy in your life, DO NOT NOW OR EVER make a video

Of yourself and send it to him. You cannot trust this man. This is how women find themselves on amateur porn sites. Once you give him that video, he has total control over who sees it and could share it with the entire web.

 

He could share it with your boss or your coworkers.

 

NEVER EVER send this man a photo or a video. EVER!

[Aloha123]

So when things are going well between them, he does feel guilty and pulls back with me. But it’s only a matter of time before things get bad again and then he’s feeling more justified and willing to participate with me.

 

You are giving him too much credit with the guilt thing. Like a lot of MM (including my own) he has gotten to the point where he does not think you or your "relationship" is even worth the effort of physically seeing each other that often. I am not saying that to be harsh, but I promise you when my MM goes through the phases where he does not make an effort to drive to see me, it's not because he feels guilty. Remember, as time goes on, they make less and less of an effort, especially if they think we are too attached and needy.

Edited March 25, 2019 by Aloha123

[Savannah2]

Nope not sending the video. He’s been wearing a piece of jewelry his wife gave him for their anniversary. It’s engraved. Everytime I see him I look at it. He makes me sick. At worst, he’s an entitled selfish jerk who will always cheat on his wife even after me. At best, he’s a man who is truly unhappy in his marriage and is also too lazy to ever change his situation and he’d rather just cheat on her his whole life.

 

That’s how I see him now.

[bmh]

I really hope you keep that perception of him and don’t get sucked back into this thing.

[mark clemson]

Nope not sending the video. He’s been wearing a piece of jewelry his wife gave him for their anniversary. It’s engraved. Everytime I see him I look at it. He makes me sick. At worst, he’s an entitled selfish jerk who will always cheat on his wife even after me. At best, he’s a man who is truly unhappy in his marriage and is also too lazy to ever change his situation and he’d rather just cheat on her his whole life.

 

That’s how I see him now.

 

 

That's probably a pretty accurate perception unfortunately.

[bathtub-row]

At some point - and hopefully soon - you’ll stop interacting with this numbskull completely.

[heartwhole2]

I do think that bad things tend to happen to cheaters. But I don't think it's because some karma machine doles out punishments. I think it's because when you are a self-absorbed, weak, deceitful person, you tend to blow things up in your own life. When my husband was having an affair, he lost a huge bonus because he didn't double-check when the deadline was and thought he had an extra two months. Hmmm, I wonder why he was so distracted that he wasn't focused on his job?

 

But in your case, really, you already have all the facts to know that this man is not good for you. I'd rather see you apply this line of thinking to yourself. What areas of your life are you blowing up or missing out on by focusing your energies on something self-destructive?

[Savannah2]

I guess I’m feeling sad today because he always used to come by my office and sit and talk to me and now he barely says hello and just keeps walking. I kkow I shouldn’t feel sad about that but I do. I feel like he only talked to me when he was either pursuing me or actively involved. Now it’s like I’m just someone that he used to know. He probably doesn’t want to be seen at work talking to me anymore

[bathtub-row]

There’s no should or shouldn’t where emotions are concerned. You feel what you feel. However, you can learn to direct your emotions so that you don’t live in a perpetual state of misery. Personally, I would start looking for another job but, whether you do or don’t, you can get past this. You’re hanging onto memories and it might serve you well to keep reminding yourself of the nature of the relationship. Perhaps it had its good times but write it off as a lesson learned. You’re also letting your ego get in the way.

 

Not all people - particularly ex-lovers - are going to stay in our lives forever. Most flitter through our lives and then they’re gone. This relationship wasn’t destined to stick, as some part of you well knew. Learn to harness your feelings and, please, by all means do not make lingering eye contact with him. And, btw, you rejected his last salacious offer so maybe he’s the one who’s embarrassed and thinking about how you don’t want to talk to him. And that’s great. Just leave it at that.

 

Think new thoughts!

[Savannah2]

I found out something today that really makes me suspect that he has his eye on someone else. Not someone we work with, someone that owns a place that he has been going to quite often. Not sure why it surprises me

[bathtub-row]

He’s a rat. That was confirmed some time ago. ?

[Savannah2]

And a few months ago when he started pulling away I begged him to tell me if there was someone else because I couldn’t figure out why all of a sudden he was pulling away. It’s not confirmed 100% but I have a lot of suspicion

[BaileyB]

I found out something today that really makes me suspect that he has his eye on someone else. Not someone we work with, someone that owns a place that he has been going to quite often. Not sure why it surprises me

 

It certainly shouldn’t. It doesn’t surprise anyone here...

 

He wants his wife’s, he is pursuing another woman, and he wants you to send him pornographic pictures and videos... this guy wants it all.

[Amethyst68]

This MM is certainly entitled but not to sound harsh he's only treating you the way you've taught him is acceptable. 7 years of sex hookups in his office, no kissing, becoming an object of gossip and perhaps ridicule in the workplace. This affair may impact on your future career.

You need to stop talking to him, figure out why you're so reliant on him and then avoid it in the future.

[bathtub-row]

I found out something today that really makes me suspect that he has his eye on someone else. Not someone we work with, someone that owns a place that he has been going to quite often. Not sure why it surprises me

 

Why do women think that asking a man a direct question, or begging him, will get an honest answer? On what planet in this vast universe has that EVER happened?

[mark clemson]

Hey now. There have no doubt been billions of honest answers along with the billions of evasions, half truths, and outright deceptions and gaslighting.

 

Maybe I don't want to be forced to comment on how that dress makes her look?

[Aloha123]

Yeah I do think there are some honest men out there, including my husband who could not lie if his life depended on it (and yes Mark, even to the point of telling me that a dress does not look good!!)

 

BUT, MM who are lying to and cheating on their wives are by definition dishonest. To think that they are honest to you when they are dishonest to their wife, and/or that they would not be "unfaithful" to you in the same way they are being unfaithful to their wives, well that is just foolish.