Struggling to move on

[chunder27]

New member, read a few stories and thought I would share mine.

 

Very inexperienced in relationships at 48, one or two but nothing serious for a long time. Plenty of dating, just nothing long term so was very new to me, she had been married and had two or three others. All had issues.

 

Met her in June last year, she was stunning, had a very partial disability that initially put me off a bit, but it was utterly un noticeable once we got to know each other and actually became something about her I adored, the way she dealt with it and refused to give in.

 

We were getting on fine, spent every weekend together and some evenings, lived about 25 miles apart. Loved our time together, did not have massive amounts in common, but found things to do. i tried to involve myself with her friends and hobbies.

 

We were different yes, a point she levelled at me when she dumped me, but I was prepared to work on that, in time. I may have given signals I was not ready to settle yet, but we never discussed it properly, just issues about working there, hard to find work etc. Maybe give her the impression I was happy being boy/girl? Possibly.

 

Spent time being introduced to her family over Xmas, was tough as I had to fly (still UK) which was a big deal, but i did it. Went pretty well but noticed a change in her on last day, her sister was coming back down via another route and I was then going away to be with my family.

 

that went well then as I got home she text dumped me. Too different in her eyes. To my shame I replied with no nastiness but saying I expected it as I could tell something was wrong but we were apart and both with family. Then another reply, then I blanked her completely, no contact.

 

I lasted about a week before I wrote to her by post. I explained I was new to all this, was likely to make mistakes, but she never talked to me, never told me what bothered her, what I could improve, seemingly just internalised it all than made a decision that I was no part of despite it affecting me hugely.

 

She replied via email, and was happy to accept some points, but was rather rude about others saying she was dealing with it in a dignified silence, (easy when you have text dumped someone with no chat) and that we were drifting apart (just been to see her family) and wanted different things in life.

 

My issue is moving on, because we never had a call or a chat, I am still in limbo a bit. She is very stubborn and made it clear no more contact. I am OK with that and need to move on.

 

But everyone was amazed, we were so good, no issues compared to her previous no issues with money, abuse, I adored her, probably didn't tell her enough an easy mistake. And being personal our physical side was tough, I have always troubled with it, can manage a while but not very long before wilting, she said she was fine with it, and actually enjoyed our time as with previous men she used to use sex to feel better about herself, and told me I made her not feel like that, could that be a reason she went? Maybe.

 

Can't start closure so easily, wondered what people think, forgive the long post, wanted to add detail.

[FMW]

Unfortunately it just takes time. It makes it hard when you are really invested in a relationship and the other person decides to move on.

 

It seems that something that happened when the two of her with her family convinced her you weren't a good fit. You tried to discuss it, she shut you down. You don't need to "improve" yourself for her.

 

Look forward to meeting the woman who will be happy with you and make you feel good about yourself. This woman was not the one.