Sarah Kate Posted July 13, 1999 Share Posted July 13, 1999 I care a lot about my boyfriend. We get along really well,but I have a problem. I'm 16, and still a virgin. He's 17, and he is not. I'm worried that in everything physical that we do, he is comparing me to someone else. He's never said anything to me to indicate this, and it's probably just my paranoia,but it still worries me. I feel really naive sometimes, when I'm around him. If anyone has any suggestions to help me get past this, I would really appreciate it. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
cmw Posted July 13, 1999 Share Posted July 13, 1999 Sarah, Remember to be who you are. No one should like you based on how you compare with someone else. The fact that he has never indicated to you that he is comparing you should clue you in. It sounds like he likes YOU not how you compare. And you need to take this a step further and realize that being a virgin is fine. Nothing wrong with that! You shouldn't look at yourself as the virgin and him as the experienced one. Look at who you are, why you are a virgin, what's important to you. And believe me, sex is not all that important. A relationship, even the physical part, is a lot more that sex. Ever feel really wonderful when you are walking along and he reaches out and takes your hand. He is with you because of who you are not how you compare. Please, don't make the mistake of feeling pressured to measure up to his past relationships. And above all else, dont' give up your virginity because he wants you to. That is something so precious and can only be given once. How special to give it to the man you marry. Visit www.truelovewaits.com and get fired up! I care a lot about my boyfriend. We get along really well,but I have a problem. I'm 16, and still a virgin. He's 17, and he is not. I'm worried that in everything physical that we do, he is comparing me to someone else. He's never said anything to me to indicate this, and it's probably just my paranoia,but it still worries me. I feel really naive sometimes, when I'm around him. If anyone has any suggestions to help me get past this, I would really appreciate it. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
bethbonnie Posted July 13, 1999 Share Posted July 13, 1999 Sarah, Remember to be who you are. No one should like you based on how you compare with someone else. The fact that he has never indicated to you that he is comparing you should clue you in. It sounds like he likes YOU not how you compare. And you need to take this a step further and realize that being a virgin is fine. Nothing wrong with that! You shouldn't look at yourself as the virgin and him as the experienced one. Look at who you are, why you are a virgin, what's important to you. And believe me, sex is not all that important. A relationship, even the physical part, is a lot more that sex. Ever feel really wonderful when you are walking along and he reaches out and takes your hand. He is with you because of who you are not how you compare. Please, don't make the mistake of feeling pressured to measure up to his past relationships. And above all else, dont' give up your virginity because he wants you to. That is something so precious and can only be given once. How special to give it to the man you marry. Visit www.truelovewaits.com and get fired up! Sarah, CMW has given you good sound opinion from his male point of veiw. He is right, virginity is a very special and precious thing. It belongs to you, it is something you choose to give away once. I pray that it will be reserved for that special moment you encounter with your future husband on your wedding night. How more special is it for a woman to keep such a precious thing as her virginity reserved exclusively for the man she chooses to commit her life too. Every relationship has its ups and downs, and when two peoples hearts are truly committed to each other, there is nothing than cannot be resolved. With respect, patience and good communication any two people will succeed in their journey toward building a life for two, and the children that you are blessed to have in a marriage. If you dont mind me saying, my best advice to you would be to choose very WISELY before dating anyone. Look at his character... honesty, kindness, stability, integrity, how he treats himself and others, there are no perfect men or women in this world, but a loving relationship depends on the basic ingredients of a good healthy character. Until we as women understand the absolute importance to give ourself self-respect and know our self-worth, we will surely dissappoint ourselves in any friendship with someone. You are young, though you are very special, to have kept your virginity this far I congratulate you. Keep this promise for yourself in your heart, that you only do this things that you are comfortable with, and don't ever be deceived with with thoughts of doing things to just to please someone you are dating. A man who respects the things that are important to you is a man with honour and integrity. Women have a natural intuition within them, and it can be invaluable to us. I am a christian minded person not perfect, but a saying I once read would be worth you being guided by 'Where there is NO peace, there is NO, God, when we KNOW peace, we KNOW God.' Very simply, that means generally when we feel at peace within ourselves about something, we can be fairly confident to go ahead. If we ever feel 'yukky' inside about something, it may not be wise to proceed. At least for the moment until we look into the situation a little further. Please remember to alway consider the CONSEQUENCES of your choices. You are the only one in charge of your emotions, not the other way round. When someone asks you to do something, you have a free choice to say 'yes' or 'no'. Let your yes be yes, and your NO be NO. Don't ever compromise being true to yourself. The consequences can sometimes be irreversible and you will have to live with the choices of your actions. Ok I feel that I have said enough, I wish you well in your current situation, if nothing else, you will thank yourself for reserving your viriginity for the right person, AFTER you are married. It will be the one thing you did, that was not a mistake to wair for..........respond anytime...by for now. Link to post Share on other sites
Ryan Posted July 14, 1999 Share Posted July 14, 1999 I care a lot about my boyfriend. We get along really well,but I have a problem. I'm 16, and still a virgin. He's 17, and he is not. I'm worried that in everything physical that we do, he is comparing me to someone else. He's never said anything to me to indicate this, and it's probably just my paranoia,but it still worries me. I feel really naive sometimes, when I'm around him. If anyone has any suggestions to help me get past this, I would really appreciate it. Thanks! Unless this guy is a reincarnated Kama Sutra practitioner, he's going to be naive too. Being 16-17 is all about sexual awkwardness.....he's no expert I guarantee it. He's still learning just like you are. If he is a decent fellow, he is going to be concerned with your enjoyment of your intimacy. You should be careful not to be constantly riddled with this tension. It probably makes it harder for you to enjoy your closeness and he may think it's something HE is doing wrong. Relax and communicate. Think about it....is he really the kind of guy you want to be with if he can't be understanding about your novice status? It's a situation that answers itself by making it known that you are trying to enjoy your time with him but you still need his help in reassuring you and letting you know what HE likes. If he isn't sensitive enough to understand that you care and you are trying....you've weeded him out. It's no good if you both merely "put up" with your sexual interaction. I'm sure he'd want you to tell him when he's doing things right OR wrong. Be aware that it takes time and relationship experience to develop strong skills with intimacy, which is NOT simply a matter of sexual interaction. Have a little talk now and then with him about these matters....do it to a degree you feel comfortable about. It will allow you to release the burden you have unfairly loaded upon yourself AND determine if he is prepared to be understanding in a vulnerable situation for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Chocolate Posted July 14, 1999 Share Posted July 14, 1999 I care a lot about my boyfriend. We get along really well,but I have a problem. I'm 16, and still a virgin. He's 17, and he is not. I'm worried that in everything physical that we do, he is comparing me to someone else. He's never said anything to me to indicate this, and it's probably just my paranoia,but it still worries me. I feel really naive sometimes, when I'm around him. If anyone has any suggestions to help me get past this, I would really appreciate it. Thanks! Don't feel paranoid about this. If he cares about you, which he has proven, he wouldn't put you in a situation that would actually cause you to feel uncomfortable, which he hasn't. You should stop focusing so much on your assumptions,and maybe talk to him about it. Tell him how you feel, and if he is what you say he is, then he can assure you that your feelings are false. And I can assure you, there is absolutely nothing wrong with waiting!!! Link to post Share on other sites
pascale Posted July 15, 1999 Share Posted July 15, 1999 oh boy you really are young arent you. Well that is your good fortune. However, we oldies do have experience to offer you. For myself I am a very jealous person. But when it comes to ex-partners - nothing matters. ex partners are just that...history! every one has a past. It doesnt matter what some one has done, or how or with whom. What matters is the present. Relax and take advantage that there is someone with experience from whom you may (or may not) learn something. Link to post Share on other sites
Abhy Posted July 27, 1999 Share Posted July 27, 1999 Dear SarahKate, I can understand your situation. my girlfriend is a virgin too and i have had experiences in the past. If you dwell on the past, you will never get him over him sleeping with you. The importnat thing is that he loves YOU.. and That is the PRESENT! ) What is past is past. Both of you cant change no matter how much you want to. It seems to me that you two have to develop trust and without trust a relationship isnot complete. Habe faith i your boyfriend and you will be fine. I wish you both luck and good fortunte.. Love, Abhy I care a lot about my boyfriend. We get along really well,but I have a problem. I'm 16, and still a virgin. He's 17, and he is not. I'm worried that in everything physical that we do, he is comparing me to someone else. He's never said anything to me to indicate this, and it's probably just my paranoia,but it still worries me. I feel really naive sometimes, when I'm around him. If anyone has any suggestions to help me get past this, I would really appreciate it. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
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