Wondering if It ended the right way

[boytrouble]

So, two months ago I started a tread here where I was trying

to realize what is going on in my relationship.

 

I received some answers that made me feel a bit angry and reluctant

of the truth that was contained in them.

I shoudl've been more open to taking all of the critique which I though

I did but someway down the road I lost my way so the relationship

ended up less than a week ago.

 

I wanted to open up this thread and shere with you what for me

seems to be the most unexpected break-up that I could've imagined.

_________________________________

Two weeks prior to it I've started to come to this conclusion that things

just don't feel the same, they don't look the same, our communication

was almost dead expect for the usual "how are you?" and "how was your day?"

 

I was hoping that when we see each other (since we had a distance-relationship) things will be managable of course that didn't happen.

 

Last Friday she wanted us to have 'the talk' where she pointed that she feels

sorry for not being devoted to me during the past few weeks and that she knows that I've put enough effort into the relationship.

But she also said that 'even though a part of me knows that it would be the right decision to stay up with you, another wants to be alone so she can find

what she's missing' etc

'you have all the qualities that I've ever wanted from a man, I'm not ready to be that devoted as I have my 'inner deamons' which I need to address and now I know that. I used to think that the problem

may be in me, but now I know that it is me.'

 

I tried to maintain myself while hearing this and ended up with,

"It's not easy for me to say this because it's not what I want to do but what I need to do. If this is what you want, I can only wish you the best

hoping that you'll find what you're looking for, but you also know

that with this you're loosing me forever and that everything that we have

shared to this point I will have to delete all social media and forget about you."

Saying that made her cry as she was all over me while I try to comfort her.

We ended up visiting some of our special places, where I too broke up a few tears still not being able to process what just happened.

As I took her home I said that 'she can call me if she ever changes her mind' and I left.

I went home and continued with what I said to her.

Deleted her from everywhere, deleted our chats, pictures, everything.

Hid her gifts to me so I don't get distracted.

 

Of course the next two days were almost unbearable.

I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat. I was crying myself to bed both nights..

I had craving, after craving to call her.. just to get the phone and call her.

To tell her "Please let's be together again". I didn't do that, but I started to remember what I actually didn't like in the relationship but ignored for the better of it.

I started to remember who I really was when we first met and how I changed over the course of the following months.

I decided that even though it's not adviceable I had to talk with her and

share my end of the story as well.

I said "Listen, I had some time to process the information

of our break-up and I want to discuss something with you."

she said "If you want to, okay". And we met, where I had something

prepared for her in a form of a document.

I asked her to be patient until I read it.

In it I described everything from how I felt during the past few days

to how I felt during the relationship.

I wrote it in a analytical way, pointing everything that in my mind 'destroyed' what we have. But also showing my agreement with her that

the relationship that we had was "toxic and not healthy".

From me becoming more insecure in myself since I didn't see her putting effort in the relationship, to the fact that I should've been more insulting

to make her know what she isn't right and so on.

I was very nervous if that would make her angry or emotional or either.

When I finished she didn't know what to say at first, then step by step

we started to have that conversation over 'what actually went wrong'.

She said that I was right and that she 'stopped feeling certain in the relationship, because I stopped being'. We both agreed that

she had her part in that as I had my part in getting emotionally invested

too early and I started to loose myself while trying to do what I though she wanted. That we should've called it 'a quits' at the end of september

and that it only got worse with me getting serious and her not feel ready

to devote to me because of unresolved (daddy) issues to which we both agreed.

 

We continued to talk and discuss as I could almost feel the atmosphere around us change to a point where I almost forgot that we broke up

we both agreed that this is 'strange' ..from going to a point where

I was angry at the beginning waiting for her to be angry at me when I finished reading as she was to the point of actually bringing that 'emotion'

back that she mentioned was missing. I brought back the person she got attracted to and said "You didn't broke up with me, the man you see tonight.

You broke up with the guy I had become" to which she agreed.

We ended up drive around with my car, laughing.. she said that she likes seeing me that way (like confident, bitsy arrogant, reckless at times as I was trying to escape some guy driving after us lol)

and she finds it hard to belive that I can be like that,

to which I've said "I haven't changed. I'm just whole again".

Before I drove her home I did manged to get out of her that she was thinking of us "reconciling" after what's been going for for the past several hours.

But I left it like that as we previously agreed that the time is just not right

and that we both need to 'grow' and see what the future will hold.

 

She said that she would like us to not get into contact for a while

as for those emotions it will be better to wear off.

And then see if we can be friends or not. (as we've talked about that possibility too and that I felt like talking with an old freind with whom we've shared something special) Because who knows..

During that time she can decide that she doesn't want to talk with me

or that I may decide that I don't to talk with her again.. and leave it as it is

 

I stopped the car, we shared a hud.. I kissed her on the cheek a few times

as she started to chuckle saying 'this feels weird' as I was leaning for another type of a kiss.

"I am not sure if this is a good idea" and I said "Well, you kissed my former self for goodbye, it's only fair you kiss this one too.."

So we did kissed and she answered to it unlike the one I got a week before which was more of a guilt not of desire.

 

So that's it, I wished her best of luck to what she had in mind

and as of today I am planning to go for 4 months of No-contact

trying to respect the 'break-up'... but I feel strange, like..

I'm almost sure that me and her will get together at a later time,

who knows..

Like the timing was 'definitely' not right.

And that maybe she is right,

maybe I was 'the right one at the wrong time'.

 

Anyways I know that this is QUITE long, but I wanted to see what you guys

think

Edited February 15, 2019 by boytrouble

[Purepony]

Move on. Women don’t leave relationships unless they are set.

 

She can afford to risk losing you so obviously she isn’t as invested as you are...

 

The reasons aren’t important but for now your number one priority is you and your mental health.

 

Start by moving on and don’t wait or give yourself any false hope of her coming back but if it does it does and then you will have to make a decision but for now I would say start moving one because she already told you she wants out and didn’t even sound like she was giving you an opportunity to change or opportunity to try and work it out

[boytrouble]

I agree with that, she didn't but I didn't asked for it (nor did I beg)

 

It was the right thing to call it off, because she indeed

wasn't invested that much in me and we both knew that.

That wasn't making me happy and she seemed fully aware of the fact

that she just 'can't give me what i need and it's not fare to keep the relationship going'

as she didn't had the same feelings.

(which as I know may appear over time of no-contact

if she doesn't move on too quickly)

 

What I am thinking is if the break-up ended

up in a 'open ending' scenario or is she more willing

to never have anything with me again? (unless I agree to being just friends)

Edited February 15, 2019 by boytrouble

[Purepony]

I don’t think so because she asked to not get in contact and don’t bother being friends because let’s be honest .... you really want her calling you to tell you she’s dating or in love with some other guy etc ?!

 

Just drop her and invest yourself into something better and worthwhile

 

Things happen for a reason and for the best. It might take time but you will see