Otter2569 Posted February 16, 2019 Posted February 16, 2019 After many months of feeling alone in my relationship I told GF I needed some time off. Unfortunately, prior to this, I booked a trip for us with non refundable airfare. We are supposed to leave in about 3 weeks. I still plan on going - even though it will be kind of boring alone. As of now, I want to offer up the two of us going as "friends". Has anyone been in this situation and what did you do?
Author Otter2569 Posted February 16, 2019 Author Posted February 16, 2019 (edited) I told GF that I needed some time off to think about our relationship. I feel like we have been on auto pilot for the last several months - neither one of us addressing our concerns. I was dumb not to speak up sooner but it is what it is. How much time do you take before making contacting and or making a decision? Everyone is different, I get that, but I kind of left it hanging which is not fair and is not closure. Edited February 16, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
ExpatInItaly Posted February 16, 2019 Posted February 16, 2019 (edited) What exactly was your goal in taking a break, OP? You are the one who asked for a time-out, but it seems that's not really what you want. Why did you resort to that instead of trying to find a way to solve the issues together? Taking a break can be very damaging to a relationship, and sometimes, there is no coming back from it. How did she react when you told her you wanted time away from her? To address your first post, I would not offer to take this holiday as friends. If I were her and you'd told me you wanted time off from the relationship but then to vacation together as "friends," I would probably tell you to get bent. Edited February 16, 2019 by ExpatInItaly 1
Author Otter2569 Posted February 17, 2019 Author Posted February 17, 2019 What exactly was your goal in taking a break, OP? You are the one who asked for a time-out, but it seems that's not really what you want. Why did you resort to that instead of trying to find a way to solve the issues together? I am making it clear that I am at a breaking point in the relationship. Something has been missing for months and as time goes by it feels like we have moved into the friend zone. It feels almost dead to me. I am sure I could have handled it better but communication and everything seems to be lacking lately. She has / had some stressful situations to deal with which has made her more introverted. Its like she is lazy or complacent with me, her family, her health. Being supportive seemed to get me no where and I do not feel appreciated.
Author Otter2569 Posted February 17, 2019 Author Posted February 17, 2019 (edited) To address your first post, I would not offer to take this holiday as friends. If I were her and you'd told me you wanted time off from the relationship but then to vacation together as "friends," I would probably tell you to get bent. The other day I was expressing my frustration at the cold and distant vibe I have been feeling for months and she asked about the trip. I said I was going no matter what. She said she was going also. Maybe we need the vacation to try and get back on track? Get this: she, for whatever reason, could not tell her daughter or mother that we were going on vacation. She lied and said I bought the tickets for her as a gift. I know she was afraid of her daughters reaction. WTF? Edited February 17, 2019 by Otter2569
Blanco Posted February 17, 2019 Posted February 17, 2019 Not related to your vacation, but I wanted to say that in my experience, taking a "break" is generally going to further weaken a struggling relationship, not restore or strengthen it. If it's not working for you any longer, then exiting is maybe the best choice, but I doubt you'll solve the issues in the relationship by creating more distance. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted February 17, 2019 Posted February 17, 2019 The other day I was expressing my frustration at the cold and distant vibe I have been feeling for months and she asked about the trip. I said I was going no matter what. She said she was going also. Maybe we need the vacation to try and get back on track? Get this: she, for whatever reason, could not tell her daughter or mother that we were going on vacation. She lied and said I bought the tickets for her as a gift. I know she was afraid of her daughters reaction. WTF? No, a vacation isn't going to fix that. It won't even scratch the surface of the underlying problems. You should just break up. Time apart tends to make problems worse, not better. It sounds like you asked for a break in hopes she sit up and pay attention, but based on what you wrote, the relationship is over.
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