i am the dumper

[azetogirl]

hi , i just wanted to share my story for you dumpees, hopefully my story gives you the answers you are looking for. im not seeking pity or anything, im just trying to help you all gain some insite because of how i was to my ex.

 

in 2011 i met my ex again after high school. we never dated in high school , just briefly talked and hung out, i always thought he was kind of wierd to begin with.

 

i got a message on fb from him asking to hang out randomly and i thought it was wierd but he was cute and i was down, at this point in my life i was partying , young 20s bar star clubbing and what not.

 

we started hanging out and i made the first kiss. from there own i was hooked , me and him partied like crazy , drank all the time. did lots of drugs too. it was just for fun.. right?

 

when i met him,. he had a huge social status. he was popular, he knew everyone. introduced me to so many people. i was just attracted to him. i felt like he was out doing me. i had so many butterflies. i was even the first one to say i love you. and he felt the same way.

 

coming on to the third year , when the partying had stopped. and i felt like i was getting bored, i guess he was fully still inlove with me , and i loved him. but i didnt know what i wanted at that time. so i met someone at work, and i found myself being shady to him. hanging out with this guy behind his back. ultimatly breaking up with my ex and going to the new guy, i was so immature back then. i just wanted the butterflies and the feeling of new. i quickly replaced my ex with him. all our photos i replaced with me n the new guy, my family was disgusted with me, but i didnt care. i liked being in the spot light, n when i felt like i wasnt anymore with my ex, i felt like i had to compete with my sisters and their friends because they all had new men, and there i was stuck , so i did make the choice to get a new man.

 

i know it was selfish, i new my ex was hurt, and i knew he was trying to get me back. i guess i didnt really feel the loss because i new he was there broken and waiting. so i had nothing to loose.

 

me and the new guy didnt work out., and this made me bitter. i resented the new guy. but since he was out of the picture, and my ex was still there, i took out most of my anger on my ex. i decided to take back my ex, but i wasnt truly happy. i felt like i was moving backwards in life going back to him. even though he was a great guy who did everything for me. who was always there for me, i treated him like a door matt or saftey net. even when me n the new guy had problems , i would call my ex and vent to him about how much i missed him n how bad the new guy was treating me. i know its the most selfish heartless coldest thing i could do. but for some reason at the time. knowing in the back of my mind the i was hurting my ex, it made me feel good, it made me feel like i had power and i could get away with it. i dont know what i was that type of person.

 

i guess just the environment i was raised in, having a alcoholic blended family growing up, hard working mom n dad who loved eachother, my siblings were all drug addicts and alcoholics. i always had to manipulate and lie and steal as a kid to get what i wanted , or to treat people bad to get what i wanted. being the youngest out of 6 kids in a below average home. my tactics stuck with me. and when i became older , i new i could use love and not loving someone as a way to get more, because i always wanted more. yeah im a terrible person i know.

 

so anyways me and my ex got back together. and i countinued to resent him for 2 years ,i could see it wearing him down. and it just mad me more mad. more angry. like i just wanted to scream at him for being such a push over stepping stone. not realizing how much he truly loved me. and how much he did for me. the guy would of taken a bullet for me. and i was just so cold.

 

we moved into our home. and we began to build it up from the bottom up , we had nothing when we moved in, but we grew, by this time i started to see my ex again as the guy i loved. i never appologized for how i was, not for years anyways. he never even asked for an appology. i could see he was being happy again, but he was different now. he was being more distant. because of what i did to him.

 

i started getting angry with him again. because he slowed down on the bending over backwards for me thing. i demanded so much from him. and hed always do it, but it wasnt the same. he used to do things with out me always telling him what to do, now i had start telling him. and this mad me mad and annoyed. (i was wrong obviously)

 

we each had a daughter. he had his from previous and i had mine. i felt so much pity for my daughter because her dad wasnt there. my ex would always say " im her dad"" but i didnt feel like he was. i felt like he favoured his daughter. and it made me mad. so i pushed his daughter away because i felt like he was pushing mine away. even though he wasnt. he always said, we treat them equally, like twins. but i didnt think he daughter deserved anything because she already had her mom and i didnt think she needed two of everything. my ex would say " well she doesnt need 2 of everything, but is she suppost to have a bare empty room here because she has stuff at her moms?" i knew what my ex was trying to say. but i didnt care, i resented his daughter for having a mom there who bought her everything. so id get my daughter everything and make sure my ex wouldnt buy his daughter anythnig. because i felt it was equal. i know i was wrong, but i was so bitter.

 

i started picking fights with my ex all the time. i felt like he was the cheapest guy because he had money in his bank and i was always broke. even though i had a bad spendning habbit. my ex would always say ," its for if one of us lost a job or if we needed the money. he said im not saving it for myself" but i didnt believe him. i felt like he was hoarding the money. but deep down, ,thats what i did , i was selfish , and i was so used to growing up in a selfish home. that thats who i became and was.

 

i didnt trust my ex , because i felt like he was going to cheat on me or cheated on me. even though i was the shady one. i felt like it was an eye for an eye.once again thats how i grew up. and these thoughts going through my head made me start to hate him.

 

fast forward we had a baby. and things were good for a bit. but these thoughts in my head still stuck. and with my personality and how i was and my hormons after having a baby. i was even more of a bitch, i demanded things like he was my puppet. and i just continued to treat him badly.

 

i started hanging out with other women who just broke up with their spouses, and id compare automatically and find reasons to validate my feelings of negativity towards my ex. i looked in every which way to find a way to be mad at him, mad at him because i had to go to work. mad because i didnt always get my way. mad because other couples seemed to be picture perfect but i felt like me and him werent. i felt like we didnt even look like a couple and i even told him that to his face. and i knew it hurt him but i couldnt stop. it was like hurting my ex gave me this feeling of dominance and made me feel superior to him and made me feel like i deserved better n that i needed better , and i needed a man who could put me in my place.

 

i started talking to guys again behind my exes back. and id constantly push my ex away and treat him bad, he tried to talk about our problems but i would get mad and use my anger as an excuse to get away from him and text other guys.

 

i would ditch my ex for my best gf , and me and her would hang out n go to the bar and hit on guys while my ex was at home with the kids. i didnt care. i hated my ex. but really i think deep down i hated myself and that was too much to take so i put the hate on him. my best gf even validated my feelings even more towards him because she too was going through a breakup and hated all and every man. she wanted me there for support , and i wanted her and i mirrored her feelings onto myself.

 

i broke up with my ex. again, for the second time. i kicked him n his daughter out. i felt so free, i felt like the weight was off my shoulders, i could do what ever, my ex begged me not to leave. but i did , i could see how crushed he was. his heart was shattered. and it gave me more confidence and made me annoyed seeing him hurt by me.

 

i kept him in my loop for a few months , while he answered my every need. the last time we talked he asked about working things out. this made me really mad. and i broke his heart for the last time. i looked him in the eyes and told him i am putting a stop to him being in my life. and that i dont ever want him in my life again. and that was that. i killed the last bit of love i had for him and i wish i could say the last bit of love he had for me.

 

a year went by, he still countinued to be a great dad. help out in every which way. i still resented him. i guess i hated him aswell because he wasnt my daughters real dad, and i know my daughter missed her dad and i felt like my exes greatness was being rubbed in my daughters face. saying" i bet you wish your dad was as good as me" , all this **** was in my head. god im such a bitch. im literly the worst person in the world.

 

anyways i rambled this on for way to long, i just wanted to tell you dumpees. that us dumpers get karma. big time. expecially psycho bitches like my self. my ex met a woman who deserves him. she is beautiful. when i found out about her, i regreted everything , finally saw my loss., realized how i was, and everything that i ever did dropped like a nuke right on my heart. yes i cried , i went through the whole breakup when this happended. i felt like killing myself. but all the thoughts were in my head. i ruined mylife. and i deserved it 100%.

 

im wrighting this because i know theres alot of you heart broken, and i know this will shed some insite on your and give you relief, some times people are cruel to you for reasons you dont think of, its not because of how nice you are, its not because of how great you are and reliable and loyal and commited. sometimes people are cruel because they wish they were like you. they wish they had your qualities , and when they see how great you really are and how great they arnt , they will find less in their life to make them feel like they are more.

 

thats my case. but deep down. i was never more. and i traded a diamond for a lump of coal. and if you were the type of guy or gurl who was like my ex, trust me your ex traded a diamond for a lump of coal aswell, karma will come,

 

ps. i know iwas the stupidest , craziest, rudest, most psycho bitchiest girl out there, you dont need to verify that in the comments. but finally having a broken heart is what i needed to change. i needed a broken heart. because i never would of grown and changed if i didnt have one.

[darkmoon]

you sound quite young (under 30?) some people are in their 50s but minus your insights, so be glad, for some people mess up their entire lives, oblivious to right or wrong

[Woggle]

I hope you have changed as a person and don't do the same thing in the future.

[Grisha]

Dang. That last 2-3 paragraphs sounds so on point with a lot of women these days. Including my ex.

I have learned that as a man I will not tolerate disrespect from any woman. If my gf does anything I have the confidence to walk away completely.

Because your ex didn’t have that confidence. It caused all of this on you. I’m sure if he was never a push over, you’d never do the things you did and maybe you would? He should have left you the very first time.

That’s how women learn..

My ex ex disrespected me and I dumped her and she spent over a year trying to get me back while I was dating another girl.

She has become a better person and is now married and happy.

She thanked me 4 years later and told me she was a terrible person and said she learned her lesson because of me.

You’ll be fine.

[HazeMan]

hi , i just wanted to share my story for you dumpees, hopefully my story gives you the answers you are looking for. im not seeking pity or anything, im just trying to help you all gain some insite because of how i was to my ex.

 

in 2011 i met my ex again after high school. we never dated in high school , just briefly talked and hung out, i always thought he was kind of wierd to begin with.

 

i got a message on fb from him asking to hang out randomly and i thought it was wierd but he was cute and i was down, at this point in my life i was partying , young 20s bar star clubbing and what not.

 

we started hanging out and i made the first kiss. from there own i was hooked , me and him partied like crazy , drank all the time. did lots of drugs too. it was just for fun.. right?

 

when i met him,. he had a huge social status. he was popular, he knew everyone. introduced me to so many people. i was just attracted to him. i felt like he was out doing me. i had so many butterflies. i was even the first one to say i love you. and he felt the same way.

 

coming on to the third year , when the partying had stopped. and i felt like i was getting bored, i guess he was fully still inlove with me , and i loved him. but i didnt know what i wanted at that time. so i met someone at work, and i found myself being shady to him. hanging out with this guy behind his back. ultimatly breaking up with my ex and going to the new guy, i was so immature back then. i just wanted the butterflies and the feeling of new. i quickly replaced my ex with him. all our photos i replaced with me n the new guy, my family was disgusted with me, but i didnt care. i liked being in the spot light, n when i felt like i wasnt anymore with my ex, i felt like i had to compete with my sisters and their friends because they all had new men, and there i was stuck , so i did make the choice to get a new man.

 

i know it was selfish, i new my ex was hurt, and i knew he was trying to get me back. i guess i didnt really feel the loss because i new he was there broken and waiting. so i had nothing to loose.

 

me and the new guy didnt work out., and this made me bitter. i resented the new guy. but since he was out of the picture, and my ex was still there, i took out most of my anger on my ex. i decided to take back my ex, but i wasnt truly happy. i felt like i was moving backwards in life going back to him. even though he was a great guy who did everything for me. who was always there for me, i treated him like a door matt or saftey net. even when me n the new guy had problems , i would call my ex and vent to him about how much i missed him n how bad the new guy was treating me. i know its the most selfish heartless coldest thing i could do. but for some reason at the time. knowing in the back of my mind the i was hurting my ex, it made me feel good, it made me feel like i had power and i could get away with it. i dont know what i was that type of person.

 

i guess just the environment i was raised in, having a alcoholic blended family growing up, hard working mom n dad who loved eachother, my siblings were all drug addicts and alcoholics. i always had to manipulate and lie and steal as a kid to get what i wanted , or to treat people bad to get what i wanted. being the youngest out of 6 kids in a below average home. my tactics stuck with me. and when i became older , i new i could use love and not loving someone as a way to get more, because i always wanted more. yeah im a terrible person i know.

 

so anyways me and my ex got back together. and i countinued to resent him for 2 years ,i could see it wearing him down. and it just mad me more mad. more angry. like i just wanted to scream at him for being such a push over stepping stone. not realizing how much he truly loved me. and how much he did for me. the guy would of taken a bullet for me. and i was just so cold.

 

we moved into our home. and we began to build it up from the bottom up , we had nothing when we moved in, but we grew, by this time i started to see my ex again as the guy i loved. i never appologized for how i was, not for years anyways. he never even asked for an appology. i could see he was being happy again, but he was different now. he was being more distant. because of what i did to him.

 

i started getting angry with him again. because he slowed down on the bending over backwards for me thing. i demanded so much from him. and hed always do it, but it wasnt the same. he used to do things with out me always telling him what to do, now i had start telling him. and this mad me mad and annoyed. (i was wrong obviously)

 

we each had a daughter. he had his from previous and i had mine. i felt so much pity for my daughter because her dad wasnt there. my ex would always say " im her dad"" but i didnt feel like he was. i felt like he favoured his daughter. and it made me mad. so i pushed his daughter away because i felt like he was pushing mine away. even though he wasnt. he always said, we treat them equally, like twins. but i didnt think he daughter deserved anything because she already had her mom and i didnt think she needed two of everything. my ex would say " well she doesnt need 2 of everything, but is she suppost to have a bare empty room here because she has stuff at her moms?" i knew what my ex was trying to say. but i didnt care, i resented his daughter for having a mom there who bought her everything. so id get my daughter everything and make sure my ex wouldnt buy his daughter anythnig. because i felt it was equal. i know i was wrong, but i was so bitter.

 

i started picking fights with my ex all the time. i felt like he was the cheapest guy because he had money in his bank and i was always broke. even though i had a bad spendning habbit. my ex would always say ," its for if one of us lost a job or if we needed the money. he said im not saving it for myself" but i didnt believe him. i felt like he was hoarding the money. but deep down, ,thats what i did , i was selfish , and i was so used to growing up in a selfish home. that thats who i became and was.

 

i didnt trust my ex , because i felt like he was going to cheat on me or cheated on me. even though i was the shady one. i felt like it was an eye for an eye.once again thats how i grew up. and these thoughts going through my head made me start to hate him.

 

fast forward we had a baby. and things were good for a bit. but these thoughts in my head still stuck. and with my personality and how i was and my hormons after having a baby. i was even more of a bitch, i demanded things like he was my puppet. and i just continued to treat him badly.

 

i started hanging out with other women who just broke up with their spouses, and id compare automatically and find reasons to validate my feelings of negativity towards my ex. i looked in every which way to find a way to be mad at him, mad at him because i had to go to work. mad because i didnt always get my way. mad because other couples seemed to be picture perfect but i felt like me and him werent. i felt like we didnt even look like a couple and i even told him that to his face. and i knew it hurt him but i couldnt stop. it was like hurting my ex gave me this feeling of dominance and made me feel superior to him and made me feel like i deserved better n that i needed better , and i needed a man who could put me in my place.

 

i started talking to guys again behind my exes back. and id constantly push my ex away and treat him bad, he tried to talk about our problems but i would get mad and use my anger as an excuse to get away from him and text other guys.

 

i would ditch my ex for my best gf , and me and her would hang out n go to the bar and hit on guys while my ex was at home with the kids. i didnt care. i hated my ex. but really i think deep down i hated myself and that was too much to take so i put the hate on him. my best gf even validated my feelings even more towards him because she too was going through a breakup and hated all and every man. she wanted me there for support , and i wanted her and i mirrored her feelings onto myself.

 

i broke up with my ex. again, for the second time. i kicked him n his daughter out. i felt so free, i felt like the weight was off my shoulders, i could do what ever, my ex begged me not to leave. but i did , i could see how crushed he was. his heart was shattered. and it gave me more confidence and made me annoyed seeing him hurt by me.

 

i kept him in my loop for a few months , while he answered my every need. the last time we talked he asked about working things out. this made me really mad. and i broke his heart for the last time. i looked him in the eyes and told him i am putting a stop to him being in my life. and that i dont ever want him in my life again. and that was that. i killed the last bit of love i had for him and i wish i could say the last bit of love he had for me.

 

a year went by, he still countinued to be a great dad. help out in every which way. i still resented him. i guess i hated him aswell because he wasnt my daughters real dad, and i know my daughter missed her dad and i felt like my exes greatness was being rubbed in my daughters face. saying" i bet you wish your dad was as good as me" , all this **** was in my head. god im such a bitch. im literly the worst person in the world.

 

anyways i rambled this on for way to long, i just wanted to tell you dumpees. that us dumpers get karma. big time. expecially psycho bitches like my self. my ex met a woman who deserves him. she is beautiful. when i found out about her, i regreted everything , finally saw my loss., realized how i was, and everything that i ever did dropped like a nuke right on my heart. yes i cried , i went through the whole breakup when this happended. i felt like killing myself. but all the thoughts were in my head. i ruined mylife. and i deserved it 100%.

 

im wrighting this because i know theres alot of you heart broken, and i know this will shed some insite on your and give you relief, some times people are cruel to you for reasons you dont think of, its not because of how nice you are, its not because of how great you are and reliable and loyal and commited. sometimes people are cruel because they wish they were like you. they wish they had your qualities , and when they see how great you really are and how great they arnt , they will find less in their life to make them feel like they are more.

 

thats my case. but deep down. i was never more. and i traded a diamond for a lump of coal. and if you were the type of guy or gurl who was like my ex, trust me your ex traded a diamond for a lump of coal aswell, karma will come,

 

ps. i know iwas the stupidest , craziest, rudest, most psycho bitchiest girl out there, you dont need to verify that in the comments. but finally having a broken heart is what i needed to change. i needed a broken heart. because i never would of grown and changed if i didnt have one.

This is why i call bull**** on the notion that women always move on completely when they dump and guys always come back. Most girls i've seen that dumped genuinely good guys to "have fun", "not get held back", "find herself" or because she "can do better/someone better might be out there" regret immensely even if it is years later. It is just that a lot of times it is far, FAR too late and/or she won't admit it to the person she dumped.

 

I may be young but one thing i have learned is that, sometimes in life there will be that one person that truly, truly loves you unconditionally. This person will put up with your crap and because of this you take them for granted and throw them away. Once they move on however and you see them happy with someone else, you gain perspective. You see how others saw your relationship, how they saw this person love you only to get abused and scorned and taken for granted. You will want to take it back but in the end all you can do is gaze at them longingly and sigh with regret.