Skyb85 Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 (edited) Hi all, first time poster. I’ll try to keep it brief. Husband and were together from 21, we loved each other so very much, had a baby at 27. To use Winnie the poo as a personality explanation, I’m a Rabbit and he’s an Eeyore. I drove everything, he thought I was wonderful and went along with everything. The problem was I drove EVERYTHING. When we got together he was super driven, neat, fit etc. the years and life’s difficulties beat him down. After having baby I changed from corporate go getter to wanting to run my business and mostly be a mum. We argued about that a lot, he wanted to stay at home. His enabling, overfunctioning mum thought he should ‘get a turn’ also. He refused flat out to work more hours and was ok with me working 2 jobs (our whole relationship) I started thinking maybe I’d be better on my own (since I early the majority of the money as well as doing lions share of child raising and house work) and maybe I’d meet a man who was on the same wavelength as me. Our relationship itself was actually great. Best of friends, could talk and talk, he’d make me coffee every morning, would bring our little one to my fitness events. If I suggested something we’d do it. I had to suggest everything though. After split he tried, he booked dinners, tried to get involved in fitness events. But we had a discussion just yesterday and I needed a reassurance that if the same situation occurred again (when our daughter was 1, his business lost us a TON of money, I had to let go of my business and go back to stressful corporate job). That this time he COULD step up and take on extra work, earn more money for us so I wouldn’t have to. He simply said he can’t rehash the past and I have to accept he’s let go of materialistic things and he understands he’ll never be wealthy but he’ll always be the guy with the good garden. I’ve dated but never been able to meet someone because I can’t let go. Now I have a wonderful man in my life and I’m torn. If this were my daughter I’d tell her to divorce and move on with this wonderful new man (who is not without his difficulties). Even as I type this, logically, I know there’s no decision but my heart is so broken, I’ve broken my family and although he was too selfish to do the masculine thing he really did love me and I him. We’ve spoken and basically I would have to come to accept that he would be, to use his words “the guy with short grass, not the guy who takes you to Thailand.” Has anyone reconciled with the short grass guy?? Were you happy with wanting more from life but forgoing it to spend your life with your best friend?? Edited February 16, 2019 by Skyb85 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 I’ve dated but never been able to meet someone because I can’t let go. Now I have a wonderful man in my life and I’m torn. If this were my daughter I’d tell her to divorce and move on with this wonderful new man (who is not without his difficulties). Even as I type this, logically, I know there’s no decision but my heart is so broken, I’ve broken my family and although he was too selfish to do the masculine thing he really did love me and I him. We’ve spoken and basically I would have to come to accept that he would be, to use his words “the guy with short grass, not the guy who takes you to Thailand.” Has anyone reconciled with the short grass guy?? Were you happy with wanting more from life but forgoing it to spend your life with your best friend?? As broken as your marriage is, you're undermining whatever minuscule chance of repair remains through involvement with this other man, as it's impossible to make a rational assessment about one relationship when you're investing emotional energy in another. And does your husband know you've got a back-up already prepped? As much as claim to care for him, seems rather cold and calculating. And no, I wouldn't be happy married to a spouse willing to let me do all the heavy lifting. Tell your husband they also have short grass in Thailand, and you'd like to be in a position to see it some day... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 What he said.^^^^^^^^ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Secondplanet Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 I don't buy the whole low assistance spouse thing. I have nerve/muscular damage in both my legs and a slew of other medical conditions and i still do my best to help out to the point my ex would get mad at me for doing more then my fair share. Does he atleast cook? a good meal goes a long way and when its completely home made it always makes everyone feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 Your H is what he is and is happy that way which means he'll never change. You already know that. You just haven't accepted it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S1LVER GTi Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 Hi all if you truly love your H you would not want to change him in any way you put up with it for 6 years and was quite content with it until you decided you had enough no one on here can help you with your situation other than give there own comments Link to post Share on other sites
David33 Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 He's telling you he won't change. He has no incentive too. Don't focus on what was or what could have been. If you've decided it's over, end it and work on your new future. GL Link to post Share on other sites
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