Are you cut out for a relationship?

[c1nderella]

Do you guys ever feel like you’re just not cut out for this dating shyt? Like you feel you’re not meant to be in a relationship?. Whether you got issues that somehow sabotage the relationship or you just rather not stress about having a SO and working hard to keep.

 

I honestly feel like maybe I’m meant to be single, no matter what I do to change my ways and my expectations it just doesn’t work... what about you guys?

Edited February 17, 2019 by c1nderella

[smackie9]

When I was single I realized love finds you, not the other way around.

[brokenblade]

I feel in some way that I am not cut out for a relationship, but I can still meet people and have some fun times with them. Also, I am dealing with a severe issue that has put any chance of a serious relationship on hold until I can at least be sure that I will be around for at least 10 more years.

[mortensorchid]

I would be an awesome gf / wife to someone. I keep encountering guys who either are not interested or will not make the commitment. They don't want to do things "the right way", which is to spend a long time with someone and get to know them, spend 4 seasons with them, etc. Instead they jump into something very quickly with the wrong person and end up in a disaster of a situation.

 

So no, I don't think the trouble is on MY end. ANd I don't say that because of my being vain or self centered or narcissistic, I say that because of what I keep seeing others doing.

[Gretchen12]

I am cut out for a relationship and I had good relationships. But as I get older, the rules change. When you are young and build a home together and raise kids, it makes sense to make sacrifices to reach a common goal. And if you're still together after 60 years you continue the bond.

For "senior dating", I'm just not going to be washing the butt of an ill old guy and fork over my life's saving if I've only dated him for a few years.

[chillii]

What a lovely lady.

So if it's you that's ill do you expect him to do whatever he has to.

My mum was sick ten yrs before dad he looked after her to the end and she'd happily done the same.

So nope you def' aren't cut out for a relationship or is any woman with those attitudes.

Matter of fact , my ex w was 11yrs younger than me but l still spent 4times the time looking after her than she ever did with me , but she would've also been happy to do the same and then some.

And now my gf is 9yrs younger than me but it's still about the same. She's a strong girl but she has a lotta health stuff, but she would gladly do the same for me or l wouldn't have even looked at her.

Actually 90% of girls l met before her were falling apart 40s early 50s so yaknow , it's a two way street.

Edited February 18, 2019 by chillii

[Gretchen12]

So if it's you that's ill do you expect him to do whatever he has to.

 

Of course not!

 

You are making exactly my point with the examples you gave. You parents, people married for years, people who raised families together, partners for 11 years, 9 years.

 

I will not be the care giver to someone I met on senior match and only dated a year. And I don't care what people say.

[Mysterio]

I think I would make a great BF at the moment. Dating I am not cut out for. I just don't like the leg work involved with it.

 

Too many women around me, just seem difficult to get together. In my head all it would be is an outing with a warm personable guy that can talk on a variety of subjects. To what do you think about this or that. I would pay for the meal and thats it. Closest thing to physical affection from me is a light hug or handshake.

 

I find that the relationship is more smoother if the women make the move on me first, than the other way around. Its like if I made my pick vs a woman picking me. The woman picking me is better at gaging us a a Long term couple, than my pick with a random woman.

[amaysngrace]

Nah, probably not.

 

I’m becoming more and more selfish in my older age and I do have a pretty full life as it is, sometimes too full for my liking to be honest. I kind of want the time I do have just for me.

[ZA Dater]

I think I could do it, provided I could do it may way. Which I suppose sounds like a fantastic quote. In truth I look around me and see the selfish attitude by most boyfriends and guys I know I wonder really what a relationship is supposed to be.

 

 

I'd like to think in 2019 women are equal to men and yet I see this domineering attitude adopted by guys, why? Equally I see women who are fantastic people, subject themselves to this nonsense for what reason I have no idea.

[guest569]

Do you guys ever feel like you’re just not cut out for this dating shyt? Like you feel you’re not meant to be in a relationship?. Whether you got issues that somehow sabotage the relationship or you just rather not stress about having a SO and working hard to keep.

 

I honestly feel like maybe I’m meant to be single, no matter what I do to change my ways and my expectations it just doesn’t work... what about you guys?

 

Ok, so what is the problem?? Why does it tend to not work??

 

Regardless of being cut out for it.. what do you want? Do you want a relationship or do you prefer to be single? It’s a bit hard to gauge from your post as you seem conflicted. Look forward to hearing from you and talking some more

[GraceAndJoy]

I'm 51 female and divorced two years.

 

I'm definitely wired for relationships, even marriage.

 

I think it's because I look at marriage differently than a lot of people who do it "to be happy." I look at marriage as a partnership with the goal of growth and becoming a better person. It's like the choice to become a parent--did you have children to be happy? Or to become more fully human, to become a less selfish adult, to nurture and give love to someone else?

 

Marriage allows us the opportunity to get out of our selfish mindsets and care about someone else, deeply and with great commitment. If you pick a good partner who believes the same, they care deeply and with great commitment for you reciprocally. That means, whoever gets sick first, faces loss of a loved one first, struggles with job problems first, gets the support. It's a promise for extraordinary care. After that, the roles might switch. Or they might not. You sign up for compassionate and loving care.

 

Caring for someone else is not the worst thing that can happen to a person. Caring for someone you love is an opportunity to exhibit the highest form of selflessness humans can exhibit.

 

Now the kicker is finding the person to provide the reciprocal extraordinary care (love). I have dated a lot since my divorce and yes, it can be tiring. However I always look at how they love others (at my age, I can usually tell by how they love their children and their extended families). People who are capable of this kind of love are out there (I think my current boyfriend is one!!) but few and far between. The pool of divorced adults is filled with selfish people, as well as people who have difficulty forming the close emotional bond necessary to provide and sustain that long-lasting love and commitment.

[Fair]

When I was single I realized love finds you, not the other way around.

 

Not necessarily.

 

However, yes, I feel like I'm not cut out for it. It's a curious thing but ever since I was very young it seemed I knew I was always going to be alone.

[hotpotato]

*raises hand*

I've concluded this dating stuff isn't for me. I didn't have guys interested in me in high school. Which looking back was maybe a sign.

I don't feel like going through a dozen or two men just to maybe find one.

Every time I've dated,I've been dumped normally for another woman. Well, so be it then. I'm too weird I guess. *shrug*

[Mysterio]

I don't look at life like this. If I don't have women fawning over mm every two seconds like something is wrong with me.

 

I have a friend, that has a GF who basically wrapped him up with her and her two older kids. He has to pay the mortgage and they have two kids under 5. Though I think his GF is a great match for him. She is still legally married to her ex and can't really get out of it. I would never trade places with him.

 

I had two male friends that met their wives in 1988/1991. The 88 couple are now separated headed to divorce. The 91 couple are still together. 88 has 3 kids. 91 has no kids. All are basically mid to late 40's now.

 

Life is so random. I don't think anyone really has a handle on their love lives.

 

What I predict is this. Love has to find me. Seeking it I will find nothing. That's the way it is. Its been a consistent pattern in my life.

[c1nderella]

Ok, so what is the problem?? Why does it tend to not work??

 

Regardless of being cut out for it.. what do you want? Do you want a relationship or do you prefer to be single? It’s a bit hard to gauge from your post as you seem conflicted. Look forward to hearing from you and talking some more

 

I mean I want a relationship but I can never seem to get past the dating phase. I always end up in relationships that don’t go anywhere serious. I’ve learned that I have somethings I have to work on because I put myself integrar situationshops. I put too much work in the beginning trying to get things to go further with the guy. I get attached too fast and seems like I like the guy more than he likes me. I use sex as a means to keep the guy to come back and it’s pretty sad that I can’t value myself enough. It’s like I love to hurt myself.

 

Other times I think that me being single for too long has also made me seem like a girl that’s not relationship material. Maybe I’ve forgotten to care and actually show I care. I don’t know how to act with the SO. Idk this is when I rather be single because I just don’t want to worry about doing or saying something that will again put myself in the same situation.